TIFU by accidentally ruining my LDR girlfriend’s surprise visit
So yeah, this just happened and I feel like the biggest idiot right now.
My girlfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship since October because of a job I took in a different city. It was tough at first, but we eventually found a rhythm. We’ve been visiting each other roughly once a month, and it was going pretty well.
This time around, she had to go back to her hometown for a bit to handle some personal stuff and spend time with family, so we knew there would be a longer than usual wait before we could meet again. She mentioned she might be going on a family trip in May, so I mentally prepared myself for even more distance.
We had loosely planned for her to visit me around the 20th of May, and we decided her mom could tag along, I was excited to show them both around. But then she starts getting cagey. Says she’d only stay for three days. Original plan was to have her mum leave in 3 days and then she’d stay for a few more. After a couple months apart, that felt way too short. I tried to reason with her, told her it didn’t make much sense, but she kept being vague and brushing it off. I got a little upset, but eventually dropped it.
A few days later, I thought, “Maybe I can go to her instead.” So I ask if I can visit her in her hometown around April 26th. She, again, dodges it says she’ll be busy with family stuff, wouldn’t be a good time, etc. I was annoyed again, and told her I’d just talk to her later.
So I call up one of my friends and ask if he wants to go on a quick getaway. He gets super excited and suggests a road trip to the mountains, even offers to drive. Only thing is, he’s free after May 6th. I figure, “Perfect, my girlfriend will be off on her family trip anyway.”
The next day, I call her and enthusiastically tell her all about the road trip plans. She goes dead silent.
Then, in the softest voice ever, she says:
“I was going to surprise you on May 9th…”
She had cancelled on her actual family trip to come visit me. Had a whole plan worked out—she was going to sneak in on a Sunday afternoon (because she knows I’d definitely be home), pretend she ordered me breakfast, tell me to go downstairs to pick it up, and there she’d be, standing outside with the biggest smile.
She even had a fight with her mom over it. All just to surprise me and spend time together after such a long gap.
I felt like absolute trash. She was trying to be all sneaky and distant so the surprise would hit harder… and I, completely oblivious, decided to plan a road trip with my buddy right on the same date. She was so disappointed she started crying, and honestly, I don’t even have words for how bad I feel.
At the same time, I’ve never felt so loved in my life. The fact that she would do all that just to make me happy? I’m floored.
We talked it out, and we both know it was just a tragic misfire nobody’s fault, just terrible timing. But still, I feel awful about it and want to make it up to her somehow.
Reddit, how do I redeem myself here?
Edit – ofcourse I’ve cancelled my road trip plan, the tragedy here is that the surprise is ruined
TL;DR: My LDR girlfriend canceled her family trip (and fought with her mom) to surprise visit me. I unknowingly planned a road trip with a friend for the exact date she was coming. She cried. I feel awful. But also very, very loved. How do I make this better?
Comments
Cancel your trip. The fuck?
Sounds like she fucked up by assuming you just will always be in town and available on whatever dates she picks for a surprise.
Lesson to her: you can’t just spontaneously surprise people, this isn’t the movies. Unless you’ve made an appropriate cover story so they aren’t busy a surprise like that is always inconvenient at some level even if there weren’t existing plans.
NAH
Thing about surprises is that you don’t know about them.
Perfectly reasonable for you to make plans when she confirms she couldn’t see you.
Just meet her on the 9th and enjoy your time together
Surprises get ruined all the time. Now that you know she’s coming, you can plan fun activities to do together (and maybe try to keep some of those activities a surprise?)
Cancel the road trip to be with her. She cancelled a family trip to be with you, you can do the same
With all due respect to her (she seems sweet), she is an idiot. You never surprise someone with a visit. This is a not a movie. A surprise trip usually inconveniences people and can sometimes mean a disaster of a trip because the person youre visiting is not free. You didn’t fuck up, IMO. She fucked up by not telling you about something that requires planning and coordination.
That’s awesome. I was expecting you to go and surprise her while she was going to surprise you and you both miss each other. Sounds like you got a good girl on your hands! Congrats!!
Cute story, good lesson for your relationship about communication, but absolutely not something you need to “make up to her” in any way other than spending time with her. My wife and I had a similar incident (but smaller) when we started dating and were living about an hour apart. She tried to surprise me after work one day by driving up to my apartment, but I had made other plans and was not there. I also felt bad in the moment, but now we just look back at it and laugh
Nope, it’s ridiculous to plan a surprise visit. There’s almost no benefit to it being a surprise except messing up your plans for that weekend and creating a distrust where she’s keeping secrets from you. I understand why it would have been cute for a moment but a surprise visit in a b long distance relationship is illogical and even annoying in my opinion
I bet you were surprised by your girlfriend so technically the surprise was not ruined and you were surprised earlier than planned.
Now it’s your turn to make a surprise trip to visit her a few days before May 9th, and fly back home with her when she comes visits you.
/s Just in case.
Can you cook at all? Maybe cook her her favorite dinner as a sorry I ruined the surprise/I’m so glad you’re here? Or you could always just take her to her favorite restaurant in the area for the same purpose lol. Just something small to show you love and appreciate her as much as she does you.
She could have called ahead with dining out plans as a cover story.
Eh I say that SHE fucked up. She’s lucky you even told her, you could have thought ‘fuck all this I will just go away then’.
Much drama over nothing. One of the risks of ‘big surprises’ is that the recipient might have done something else or not be ready for that at all.
I’m sure she will get over it and it will be a humorous anecdote about your past, should excessive drama over nothings not end things before that.
Nah, she FU by trying to plan a surprise visit and even telling you she’d be on a family trip.
Rearrange her guts is how you thank her
The only FU was by her
Surprised a friend of mine in Paris traveling from NYC. Was outside his building, called him told him a package was arriving from me. Rang his doorbell. The fucking look on his face was priceless. Hadn’t seen my buddy in over 5yrs. I was visiting an ex-gf so this was completely unplanned but it worked out
Tell her the best way to ensure a surprise plan works out is to coordinate with someone who can give a reasonable back story as to why you need to stick around somewhere to make sure you’re free!
Better than you planning to surprise visit her on the same weekend. Would be really bad if you both landed in the opposite city at the same time…
Pro-tip to LDR surprise visits; make sure you coordinate with a friend on the ground to help pull it off. NAH
If you haven’t read O’Henry’s “The Gift of the Magi” about surprise presents, you might want to listen to it together.
I have my reasons to hate surprise visits!!
First, you two are just sweet.
If you think she’d be amused, pretend to be surprised when she arrives.
I don’t get why you can’t visit in April. Does she not want you to meet her family?
Wth is an ldr girlfriend?
Comments are kinda crazy lol. I’ve been on both sides. Was in a LDR with my current gf and we would plan surprise visits with each other all the time (we lived only 2 1/2 hrs apart) and one or two of each other’s visits both got ruined because we were making other plans. It sounds like you and your gf are good with communication like us so ofc we’re telling each other our plans and everything else. It’s no big deal on both ends but I definitely understand where you’re both sad, especially her with how much effort she put in!
…
laugh about it and enjoy your time with her visit. this is a dumb post.
Unfortunate, but this was really her planning mistake. When trying to surprise someone like this you have to ensure that the person you are surprising will be available, the best way to do that would’ve been to enlist your friends/family to plan something with you for that day to ensure you don’t make other plans. As it was, you could’ve just gone out drinking and stayed out somewhere or been visiting family or any number of valid reasons to not be around for a while.
Now you have to show her how it’s done.
Not a TIFU, this is HIMYM.
Flip the script. Surprise her instead
I think a better planned surprise visit would have been: she telling you she was coming to visit on a certain day/week, but then arriving a couple days early. That way you both know what to expect and plan for, but the early start is the nice surprise.