I’ve been constipated for four days. Painfully so. My girlfriend (bless her) has been checking in like she’s my personal bowel coach.
This morning, I finally had my moment of glory. I wanted to share my victory with her, so I sent a very enthusiastic text saying:
“IT’S DONE. I POOPED. GOD HIMSELF COULD NOT HAVE STOPPED ME.”
Then I attached a triumphant Bitmoji of myself riding a unicorn.
Problem: I didn’t send it to my girlfriend. I sent it to the group chat labeled “Fam ❤️”, which includes my parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and my 83-year-old grandmother.
Silence for an hour. Then my cousin replied, “Proud of you, king 👑”
TL;DR: Meant to text my girlfriend about finally pooping after four days. Sent it to my entire extended family instead. Now I’m the poop guy forever.
Comments
W fam
That is awesome!!! Own that moment like a king!!
That was the perfect response by your cousin 😂
Your cousin sounds awesome.
Doo Doo Man/Woman
[deleted]
“Great, more shit posting.”
~ Grandma probably
Just be grateful you weren’t sending her a picture to prove it.
Your grandmother and parents probably relate more than you can imagine.
And congrats on your magnificent poop!
Proud of you, King 👑
Lmao
Had a similar experience happen to my mom recently. I get allergy shots and we’re planning a cruise vacation, and my mom texted to the family something like “[pokematic] will get his shit out here and then we’ll meet about setting up our excursions.” I replied with “I’ll get my shot (I can shit at home).” She got embarrassed about her typo but laughed it off.
It could be worse, at least you’re not a Pics or it Didn’t Happen kind of guy.
where are all the cousins at?
Nah..this is a win fam. You established dominance
I would of sent congratulations on ur New born!
Your cousin is amazing
https://preview.redd.it/n0i6oj3qo82f1.png?width=1343&format=png&auto=webp&s=b5fc6e599388d96eb938dcf51a4a4b2c6a8bb43e
I have poop friends. I text them when I have a good poo. I have IBS. I call it releasing the Kraken.
The girlfriend sounds like a keeper.
I damn near choked on my bagel. Thank you for taking one for the team.
I don’t know who you are but whenever I think of this post, I will remember you as The Turd King!
💩👑 You may as well just add these two emojis to your email signature
Poop happens. Embrace it. It could be worse.
Could have been worse – you could have sent a picture of the poop in question
My family would assume the text was for them. Seems normal to me.
“Damn autocorrect!”
Lmao omg. Oddly enough.. I purposefully do stuff like this to my family almost every other week 🤪
Hey…..Poopy Boy….why not an enema? Quick relief. No waiting. Clean out up to your liver if you want.
I really needed this laugh.
Congrats on feeling better. Drink more water and eat more veggies.
My family would have thrown you a party! Congratulations! 🍾🎉🥳
In a family with good dynamics this isn’t a fuck up, its just a joke shared with the family chat…
I have gastroparesis so my wife and I send such chats. I love this for you non ironically because you have clearly got a good family for that reply and no mocking. Though my go to is “I pooped like a champeeeen!” The pee is the joke as much as the phrasing.
Own it op! Ride that awkward train like you meant it
I’m proud of you too
All jokes aside, I’m happy you finally popped. You must feel so much relief! Being constipated is no joke! It’s super painful and often embarrassing (for some reason even though we’ve all been there).
Ehh. It’s a fact of life, and people might already know your situation and be worried about you.
I had quite the hemmorhoid surgery four months ago and everyone close to me has gotten an update here and there.
Lmao, that’s such a classic mix-up! Hope your boss got a laugh out of it!
Did you realize it when the cousin texted you or before?
That hour wait is so painful. If I was your cousin I would have texted immediately with some helpful constipation suggestions. Everybody poops.
But your family got real awkward and I LOVE IT
Also I have constipation issues on the regular (see what I did there) and I just want to say miralax. So good.
King shit, my dude. Love it
We all poop, and we all experience those “slow times”.
I’m sure they all celebrated your victory.
Your cousin definitely gets it
A few apple ciders or some apple juice or apple sauce is great for constipation. The malitol and fiber gets things moving.
Your cousin is in your corner, bask in the fact that you have family out there super supportive of your offloading a four day payload of excrement.
Lmao, you really dropped a bomb on the family chat! That Bitmoji on a unicorn? Iconic. Primo’s reply is gold own that “rey” title!