I (18F) have a boyfriend (19M), and we live in a Christian household. We used to be atheists, but I went to church today by the invitation of my mother-in-law, was very moved by the service, and let Jesus into my life. Before this, my boyfriend said he would love me no matter what religion I chose, because I had asked about it while we were still early in our relationship.
Christianity was, apparently, the wrong choice.
When I came home with my bible, he seemed distant, off. I asked him if he was okay, and he just snapped, saying Christianity would ruin me and that he was gonna lose me. No matter how many times I tried to reassure him I wasn’t gonna become obsessive with my religion, he began having a mental breakdown, and hurting himself. I tended to his wounds, and stepped outside to give him some space. When I came back inside, by his request, I told him how he reacted wasn’t normal, showing signs of religious trauma, and that I’ll support him if he decides to pursue therapy. Now he’s being avoidant and won’t talk to me.
TL;DR: my boyfriend had a severe trauma response because I converted to Christianity
EDIT: everyone saying “wow u need help too after one session”, i’m a previous christian as well. i stopped attending church at 12 due to family issues, and the ideals stuck around with me. i promise it wasn’t just the one service, it was years of research and speaking to fellow christians as well
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I’m not the best with these things, but I think what you have done is a good start. Maybe make some of his favorite foods, do a fun activity he likes and keep supporting him, and hopefully, eventually, he will open up and maybe pursue therapy.
Yeah you should probably break up.
Randomly finding religion when the other person is not religious isn’t going to work out. You made a big life change which is completely fair but may not be what he wants. It also seems like you are very impressionable and easily swayed. A single service caused this? How are you planning on not getting obsessed if you were this easily lured in in the first place?
He’s being immature by lashing out and not explaining this to you but the relationship IMO is over.
you’re quite young, i would encourage you to check out MULTIPLE different religions, talk to religious leaders at MULTIPLE churches to understand their ideology. as i’m sure you can imagine, a lot of folks are extremely unsettled by ultra-religious folks due to project2025 and the administration trying to force christian nationalism upon the entire country. you’re of course free to believe whatever you want, but i would give it some time and a substantial amount of research. i’m with your boyfriend on this one. please take it slow, ask a lot of questions, and if you’re committed to being a religious person and he isn’t, it sounds like you’re not a good match., AND THAT’S OKAY. just trust yourself and your instincts.
Sounds like Jesus might be in the process of saving you.
You go to church one time and decide to be a Christian immediately within the same day? That’s really odd.
You instantly converted to Christianity because one service was good? Be aware that certain churches can be very emotionally manipulative and come with a lot of baggage.
However, your boyfriend doesn’t sound particularly health with his perspective either.
Okay the religion stuff is pretty weird, it says a lot when someone finds religion after a single service.
But let’s have real talk. You have a mother-in-law at 18? And a boyfriend?
Cult.
Kiddo, please go try several different churches and learn about different religions before you make a choice like this. Take it slowly and do this deliberately.
Did you get baptized or just get a Bible? Also, his reaction is concerning. Consider if you want to deal with that long term in your life.
How is no one talking about her bf self harming in response to her becoming a Christian??
This is manipulative as fuck.
You need to leave him for your own safety.
Your choice of religion is not the horror story people keep making it out to be. Maybe you stick with it maybe you don’t. Regardless, he’s not someone you should be sticking with. Also be ready for the I told you so when you do what’s healthy and he blames religion.
So in the space of one church service you’ve gone from not believing in any god, to believing in the specific god of Christianity enough to “invite Jesus into your life” and consider yourself a convert? I think perhaps you both need to talk to some professionals about your states of mind and decision making tbh.
If it’s am actual true story: given his reaction, you may be right… if he does have religious trauma in his background, and you went with I assume his mother to the same church she’s part of, that might well be triggering for him. You might also consider that there are many churches, many different ‘flavors’ of Christianity both organized and personal, and that you might want to take a while to explore those before committing to any particular one. Some of them are super shitty.
You guys are all nuts in this story. Everyone. The mom pushing relegion the the son though you, you having a come to Jesus moment at the drop of a hat, him self harming.
You all sound tramatized/crazy and all of you need therapy.
So you were both atheists, you went went to church with the mother-in-law (who I assume is your boyfriend’s mother), and came back a convert…
And you’re shocked at how he reacted? Sorry, I think most people who would describe themselves as atheists would call that crazy pants…
The real question is what denomination of church did you go to that swayed you? The difference in the denominations is massive and as someone who is familiar with many of them, some of them are absolute deal breakers for me.
Religions are very good at taking advantage of human psychology (or perhaps human psychology is very good at inventing religion). We have a scientific explanation for the emotional experience that people feel in those kinds of situations, and feeling moved doesn’t in any way indicate that any of it is real.
That said, his reaction is absolutely unhinged. Harming himself because of it? I don’t think trauma is sufficient to explain that, and you absolutely should not be enabling that behavior by taking care of him when he does it. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but this relationship is probably over, even if he apologizes and goes to therapy, and especially if he doesn’t.
Christianity? That’s this one isn’t it:
> Deuteronomy 20:10-18
10 “When you draw near to a city to fight against it, offer terms of peace to it.
11 And if it responds to you peaceably and it opens to you, then all the people who are found in it shall do forced labor for you and shall serve you.
12 But if it makes no peace with you, but makes war against you, then you shall besiege it.
13 And when the LORD your God gives it into your hand, you shall put all its males to the sword,
14 but the women and the little ones, the livestock, and everything else in the city, all its spoil, you shall take as plunder for yourselves. And you shall enjoy the spoil of your enemies, which the LORD your God has given you.
15 Thus you shall do to all the cities that are very far from you, which are not cities of the nations here.
16 But in the cities of these peoples that the LORD your God is giving you for an inheritance, you shall save alive nothing that breathes,
17 but you shall devote them to complete destruction, the Hittites and the Amorites, the Canaanites and the Perizzites, the Hivites and the Jebusites, as the LORD your God has commanded,
18 that they may not teach you to do according to all their abominable practices that they have done for their gods, and so you sin against the LORD your God.
Yeah he lost a commonality that helped connect you.
Adopting a religion that asks you to change your way of life (and yes it does) is a huge thing.
So, I get it. There goes Sundays together (if you spent it together), any future you planned now has to include rules set forth for your sect by the self proclaimed leader, a lot of judgement comes along with the plan for sure.
But I’m biased after coming from an extremely religious and judgemental family. It’s a deal breaker for me.
I hope your bf comes around. Good luck