So I (30m) was at Target after hitting the gym with my girlfriend (28f) and we had split up so i could look at star wars lego while she shopped the summer stuff. I was going between aisles and ripped a nasty silent but deadly as a family (mom, dad, and 2 sons) passed nearby, down the center aisle. I had 2 proteins shakes already, and we both had City Barbecue (particularly some spicy foods) that was brought in for lunch at my job to celebrate memorial day before they let leave us leave early to start the 3 day weekend. The mother turns back to both of her sons and asks “which one of you was it?” as they pass through my cloud of shame. They both feign innocence and thankfully move on as I, embarrassed, start randomly looking at anything I could possibly find in another aisle, laughing my ass off.
I find my way back to my girlfriend at the sweet treats area and tell her about the silent stinknado that I left behind after crop dusting an innocent family. She is only mildly embarrassed and not at all suprised.
TL;DR city bbq and protein shakes will embarass you at Target. Happy Memorial Day!
Comments
Lmao stinknado
That’s why I want a service dog – no matter where or when, just blame it on the dog.
One person’s FU is another person’s hobby.
Sounds like you’re on target at Target.
Just so you know… they didn’t feign innocence. That would mean they were pretending. But assuming they didn’t ALSO fart, no feigning involved.
> They both feign innocence
They didn’t feign innocence. They were innocent.
Stinknado is elite.
This happens to the best of us. It’s only a fuck up if you had malicious intent behind it. You didn’t mean to fog out that family and contribute to them inhaling borderline carcinogenic air quality. You had to do what you had to do, and sadly let out some
airborne poo. Keep on keepin’ on brother 💪
Both of those kids thought it was their mom.
She thought it was one of them.
The perfect stinknado. You did not FU.
100% chance the dad has already done the same dozens of times!
Did you visit the back hall at my job? Lol, I smelled something absolutely diabolical on my way to lunch. I jokingly asked if someone in the breakroom busted ass out there. No one fessed up. I went back there a couple of minutes later to see if it was still there because I was a phone call away to maintenance to see if something had backed up in the bathroom. The stench was gone, but man, RIP to whomever those skivies belonged.
That sounds more like a success than a fuck up.
Where’s the fuck up?
should’ve gone to the mom and say “one of your sons are gross. Fix them”
Was this in Georgia?…
A shitty experience at a shitty store.
I have done that and had a toddler blamed. “We need change someone’s diaper”.
When I worked at Blockbuster we used to crop dust the kids section and definitely had that same situation come up a few times. Always a good laugh
Ah yes. Your ass definitely did get the last laugh in the other aisle.
When I was 18 I was applying for a job in person, after handing in my resume and chatting for a minute I commented it smelled really nice in the store. I ended up getting the job. A few months later I was talking with my coworker and brought up that day, he burst out laughing. It turns out he had ripped a massive foul fart right before I walked in and frantically sprayed a ton of air freshener to cover it up.
Cameras picked it on the thermal.
What if your GF is posting a similar story in a different part of the store here on Reddit? That’s a masterpiece.
“I crop dust in Tar-get BABY!”
I did this before. It was oddly satisfying to hear them complain about the smell 🤭
City Barbecue – Ohio?
Military spouse here. It’s not ‘Happy’ Memorial Day. It’s honoring those soldiers who lost their lives in the line of duty. It’s acknowledging death.
Oh, man. I did something like this when my daughter was about 2 years old and still in diapers. I had an SBD slip out in Walmart because, god my stomach was hurting. There were a few other people around, and her mom looked at me in disgust, so I just played it off, so others didn’t know it was me. I then said, “Maybe Daughter needs her diaper changed.” Her mom was like, “Oh, Daughter, you stink.” loud enough so everyone heard it. We left shortly after that, and her mom kept checking her diaper as we were walking back to the car. Once we were away from everyone else, I admitted to the whole thing because I couldn’t stop laughing. I blamed one of the worst farts to ever escape from my bowels on my sweet little girl, and it’s still funny to this very day.
I visited friends in Washington state 2 years ago and had similar experience. We were at an antique store, I was looking for a cookie cutter like my grandma had in the far back corner away from everyone and dropped a bomb. I walked back to the front of the store, and I asked the worker at the desk if they had such a cookie cutter. She said , I think so and so has one in her area. She proceeded to walk back to the same corner I had been in 5 to 10 minutes earlier. When she got close, I heard her say, oh…oh my… oh my god. Then she turned and said there wasn’t a cutter back there. I was about an aisle over, and it was all I could do to not laugh. When she got to the front, she told another worker that there was something extremely rotten in so and so’s corner. I walked out and started laughing so hard I couldn’t speak. It made my vacation! My friends, my wife, and myself now call it antique-ing.
My husband, also in target, let a not so silent one rip just as another couple came around the corner. The woman blurted out “Oh my God! That guy just farted!” I burst out laughing and informed him that he was busted. 😂
I did this at Walmart some years back, except it was 2 older women that walked into it as I watched from afar. I still giggle thinking of the look they gave each other.
Why am I laughing so hard at this post!!
This story was fun to read. I’m sure it was less fun to play a role in as “walking family member #3”
I did that once to my mother in a computer game store.
My mother is in a wheelchair and she was going up and down the aisles looking for a game to buy. I was at one end of the aisle and she at the other. I started walking towards her and half way up the aisle I let it loose and it was BAD!!! By the time she got there, a worker had walked to that area and bent down right in front of her to put a game on the shelf. His butt was right near her face because of her being in a wheelchair. It couldn’t have been more perfect.
I had to walk back because I didn’t want to miss anything and the smell was horrific! My mom gives me this look and points at the worker holding her nose with this horrific look on her face.
I completely lost it and had to run out of the store. I was laughing so hard that I was crying.
When she came out of the store she said to me I hope the worker is okay which made me laugh even harder. She couldn’t understand why I was laughing so hard and I finally gave in and told her it was me.
I’m sure the worker thought it was my mom.
what a good TIFU
That family’s weekend just started with a biological weapon. Honestly, you gave them a story they’ll tell for years, “Remember that time at Target…” Legendary exit.
You think that’s bad, try farting in a revolving door. 😂
I once gassed out an entire women’s soccer team at an airport. They promptly started blaming each other.
So i once crop dusted in a very nice hotel elevator. My buddies are gagging. Doors open up, and a very influential US senator walks in. He starts fucking choking. He spits up a giant loogey on the elevator door and tries to hit every button in the elevator. It finally opens up, and he says, ‘You guys are fucking disgusting’ and takes the stairs.
I mean they were shopping at target.
I once farted really badly in an aisle and about a 20 seconds later an elderly couple walked down the aisle. I heard the woman say Merle! And he’s like that’s not me!
I’ve done the same. Just not at target
Classic. Nothing says “patriotic” like weaponizing your lunch at Target and leaving innocent families questioning their kids. At least you owned it, most would just pretend it was the dog. Happy Memorial Day, indeed.
You’re doing it wrong, you gotta find the kid acting like an asshole, then fart on him/her.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/fn5gr/comment/c1hdgwv/?context=4
https://i.redd.it/oz39c0cs7o2f1.gif
Sometimes you just gotta let them go. No matter who is in the way.
I would recommend the dead aisles for the silent but deadly crop dusting ones.
God, makes me think of this story from so long ago and I laugh all over again.
RhoddyRod??
Ok … but wheres the fuck up? Its TIFU ….WHERES THE FU ??!
Imagine still going to Target after their capitulation on DEI.
They didnt feign innocence…they were trying not to faint in a scent
feignus
Cropdusting is like a sport for me, and while an enjoyable sport, sometimes I make the most inexplicable toxic clouds. The best tip is to stay still while doing the delivery, and slowly walk away after letting it out – otherwise it will just follow you.
Best one was in an express elevator right before it dropped me off in the lobby of a high rise. The dozen or so people that crowded in after I exited got to marinate in me for 30 floors.
I’ve let ones go and seen mothers nearby check the diapers on their toddlers.
The most shameful was in a train in Japan. I was one station out from a busy one and had the car to myself. The smell was so awful. I stood up as the train was stopping at the station to hop off and I saw the crowd on the platform (uh-oh), and quickly ducked into the next car. To all those people boarding that car on the Tokaido Line that fateful August, ごめんなさい。🙇
I tried to absolve myself when visiting a shrine in Kamakura a couple days later, when after you toss the coins, clap and pray, I asked the local Gods for forgiveness for that day. (No, I did not cropdust the temple, I’m not an animal).
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This stuff is always funny!
Oh no, protein and spicy BBQ sounds like a war crime in the making.
How are they feigning innocence when they were innocent. You framed them. 😝
I assume you meant Walmart, not Target.
Also, what do you think “feign” means?