TIFU by drinking a gallon of cranberry juice

r/

May this come as a warning:

I picked up what I thought was gonna be a refreshing jug of cranberry juice, from my local walmart.

Oh, it hit the spot just right, and on this sweltering, 95° day I could barely get enough.

Everything was going exactly as planned for probably about an hour. I continued my bike trek of probably 5 or 6 miles.
And took refuge in some shade and laid down to cool off.

It felt like gas, but i’m much too wise to trust a fart. My rumbly tumbly was making me aware that shit was about to go down.

It was a few minutes before I found a restroom but I did arrive in time.

I sat there and became the ugliest fountain for probably five minutes. At least long enough to google, my questions about cranberry juice ingestion, and confirm my fears.

It’s hot, i’m sweating, and I just put all of my hydration in the toilet. I still had another six miles to go home.

I was very fortunate when I stopped at the skate park and someone with a pickup truck was kind enough to run me to 4 miles I had left to get home.

This honestly could have ended way worse. I am sincerely posting this as a warning to anyone who likes cranberry juice as much as I do. Stay safe out there!

TL;DR: Cranberry juice contains sorbital which is fine and dandy in smaller quantities? But when you drink a gallon it will wreck your system.

Comments

  1. v1rulent Avatar

    This is a problem for artificially sweetened beverages of any kind. Not specific to cranberry juice.

    You learned the wrong lesson.

  2. dubbzy104 Avatar

    Be thankful you made it to a toilet!

  3. SigmaINTJbio Avatar

    Go to Amazon and read the reviews of sugar free gummy bears. They are hilarious.

  4. DoctorRiddlez Avatar

    Do you atleast feel 20 pounds lighter?

  5. mspolytheist Avatar

    Oy vey. Cranberry juice does not “contain sorbitol.” SUGAR-FREE cranberry juice might contain sorbitol. Which will indeed give you diarrhea in mass quantities. But, fruit of ANY kind will also give you the runs if you eat or drink it in mass quantities. Anything sugar-free that isn’t using stevia or monkfruit is probably using some sugar alcohol or other, which will also be problematic. Just steer clear of any sugar substitutes that end in -tol (sorbitol, maltitol, etc.). You can get cranberry juice with sugar, without sugar or any sweetener added, or with a sugar substitute added. But sorbitol isn’t naturally occurring in cranberry juice!

  6. Alien_Fruit Avatar

    Not the juice. Sorbitol is one of a family of alcohol sugars (not related to booze). Sorbital, manitol and others are added to many juices, even candy bars and many other foods — only God knows why. Some people (including me) are highly sensitive to them! We all MUST read the labels on foods and beverages to avoid such disasters.There are literally thousands of artificial chemicals added to our foods and drinks!

  7. ablestrange Avatar

    Next time chase it with some vodka

  8. OrochiKarnov Avatar

    The germs in your bladder will refer to history in terms of before and after this event for many many generations.

  9. Cheese-Manipulator Avatar

    A gallon of anything, guzzled down quickly, isn’t going to end well.

  10. Trees_are_cool_ Avatar

    Cranberry juice doesn’t contain sorbitol. Some artificially sweetened cranberry juice contains sorbitol.

    Also: Sorbitol is extremely toxic to dogs

  11. dicoxbeco Avatar

    The same goes for imitation crab meat. It has sorbitol also.

  12. Beggar876 Avatar

    A guy I knew ate a whole jar of pickled beets one night and was peeing red the next morning. He nearly went ballistic with panic until he was told it was harmless.

  13. headpointernext Avatar

    So it’s the Haribo sugarfree gummy bears meme again, this time in juice form.

    Can’t blame OP, the heat is crazy, and cranberry is delicious

  14. SulfideBride Avatar

    They put sorbitol in nyquil so that when I was sick with covid it took me 3 days to figure out what was doing it and with that amount it took another couple of days with Imodium to stop.

  15. Dependent_Energy_830 Avatar

    I feel like this whole sub is just stories of people close to (or entirely) shitting their pants due to some self inflicted diet choice

  16. boston_beer_man Avatar

    Was it 100% cranberry or a blend? Sometimes they have apple juice which wrecks my stomach if I have too much.

  17. x2phercraft Avatar

    Everyone knows cranberry juice is for skateboarding, not biking!

  18. magicmitchmtl Avatar

    Why not just drink unsweetened cranberry juice? I just enjoyed a glass. It’s very refreshing, and nice and tart. Also good mixed into pomegranate juice.