TIFU by eating honey

Obligatory: Happened within the last 24hrs.

My wife and I were out at a mall for the first time in years yesterday; and like true 90s kids, had to make a stop in Spencer’s for old times sake. While at the register paying for our random goodies, I spotted it: a tube of honey that promises an enhanced sexual experience. Now I’ve always been skeptical of all these so called “enhancement” medications, but I had recently read about some kind of honey that’s supposed to actually do something. So I bought it thinking, ‘worst case scenario I’m out $15; not a big deal’. I was wrong.

So, after confirming this is something she wanted to try. I sucked down half the tube (thank God she read the directions and saw it said 2 servings) and we drove home.

We get home, put the kids to bed and get ready for the unprecedented series of events that follow. I will spare the intimate details but let’s just say we did the horizontal monster mash. Strange, is the way to describe the feeling. It wasn’t necessarily bad but it wasn’t necessarily good, just different. I did feel like I had more energy, maybe a little more feral. The sex was slightly more intense/rough then usual, but far from the most intense/rough we’ve had. After finishing up I go to get cleaned up and realize: my dick is soaked with blood. I look at my wife, who up until I informed her had no idea there’s blood everywhere and sitting in a small pool of it on the bed, soaking into the bedsheets. This isn’t period sex type of blood (iykyk).Very fresh, very bright. No wounds and she claimed there’s no pain. Both of us confused, I spiral into existential dread and this bitch is cracking jokes. “I want ‘death by snu snu’ on my urn’” ” It’s an honor” “…. What are you gonna tell the kids?” And refusing to get immediately checked out claiming that amount is not emergent enough.

Now I’m at work, still reeling about it. She’s contacting her Gyn but I’m legit scared I may have just fucked my wife to death.

TL;DR: Ate “sexual enhancement” honey and potentially fucked my wife to death

Eta: for clarification, she is not on her period. It has been a week since the end of her last cycle.