TIFU by eating sushi after work

So, this just happened an hour ago and I am still recovering, but here it goes. I had gotten off work early and decided to go pick up some food. I went to a Sushi restaurant that I hadn’t gone to in a while and was shocked to see it was completely empty with the exception of staff. I sat down and ordered a sushi roll I hadn’t tried before. Usually I would order their fried roll that just has some imitation crab with no raw fish, but I was feeling adventurous and ordered one of their special rolls. I ate it all and thoroughly enjoyed it. After paying and getting in my car, I had just taken the exit and gotten on the interstate to ride my 30 minute commute home. As I made the turn, I felt a burble in my stomach and began to feel the sensation of needing to go to the bathroom. I generally have a lot of control over my digestive system and can hold it until I get home, where I poop most comfortably. After two minutes, of being on the interstate the burble happened again, but this time much stronger and I realized I probably should take the next exit and find a bathroom. There was a mall very close to me and I decided to just find a place near there to drop some logs off. I took the exit and started to feel that burble again. I started sweating and felt panic rise a little bit inside. I thought to myself “you go this OP, you’ll make it and everything will be ok.” I was very close to the mall and was just at a stop light right in front of it when the familiar burble happened again, this time causing serious pressure in my stomach. The pressure was intense and felt like I just needed to fart so I leaned to the side a little and decided to test the waters and see what I was in for (I was still confident in my ability to hold it.) As I lifted myself to the side, I instantly felt the head of a swamp water snake pop out slightly. I tensed up realizing the seriousness of the situation and flexed every muscle in my body preventing any more slippage. I was successful but knew I was running out of time. I looked at the red light in front of me and realized that I could run it and might be able to make it to a bathroom, which was visible yet still so far. Both sides were clear but as I looked around, I noticed I was stopped right beside a cop car so escape was impossible. As I realized my fate, completely involuntarily, my bowels empty themselves into my pants oozing around my thighs. It had happened, I had failed to find a bathroom and I was stuck in the mess I made. I looked to the cop next to me and he smiled, unaware of my situation. I was wearing khakis, so I realized that now I must drive the now 30 minute drive home, while stewing in my shame.

This is probably a good time to mention that due to circumstances this week, I was driving my wife’s car. This meant I needed to do my best to contain the situation while also safely driving home. I sent a text to my wife and asked her where she was and when she would be home. She responded and said she is out and wont be back for a couple hours, this left me with limited time to get home and clean everything leaving no trace of the demons that defeated me. This was was my mission to clean up and leave no record of my mistake. I sped home and pulled into my garage and waited for the door to close back before exiting my vehicle. I squat walked out the car and into my home, leaving the car door open to vent and grabbed a trash bag. The pants and underwear I was wearing were tossed in and I jumped in the shower. I washed my sin away and swore to myself to never go to that sushi restaurant again. The wash cloth I used was disposed of with the clothes and I grabbed the trash bag and some Febreze and got in the car. The scent had left me, but it still haunted the vehicle. Luckily, there was no leakage so I sat down and drove to the college I live next to. I snuck to one of the dorms and parked next to the dumpster where I disposed of all the evidence. I drove back home and grabbed some Clorox which I used to clean the car and shower. I sprayed some Poo-Pourri throughout the car and bathroom. Now here I am… feeling defeated but a little proud that I completed my mission.

TL;DR: I pooped myself because of bad sushi and had to ride in my car for 30 minutes in my own shit.