TIFU by getting rid of a houseplant

Yesterday I was cleaning up my little greenhouse. A while back I put a rather sorry looking Euphorbia Leuconeura there (plant lovers will know where this is going already).

I decided to take the plant out of its pot and put it on the compost pile and so I did. In the process I got a lot of sap on my hand. I know the sap is supposed to be highly irritant although I never had any issues even though I have owned these plants for years. I decided it would be smart to rinse it all off though and do I did.

About 4 hours later I was at the cinema with the wife and kids. I noticed a slight burning sensation on my balls. I didn’t think much of it but it got more and more intense as the movie progressed.

After the movie we had a dinner reservation. When we entered the restaurant I went to the toilet where I was greeted by balls that were bright red on one side. A bit worried i decided to keep my predicament to myself but as time progressed not only did the intensity of the pain increase, the affected area also grew and now included a neighbouring body part.

At a moment where the kids were occupied I quickly told my wife who said jokingly accused my of having an STD. We somewhat hastily left the restaurant and the pain still kept increasing. The first thing I did after coming home was take a Diclofenac I had left over. I generally don’t take pain medication unless I’m truly in a pickle. In the meantime my wife was suggesting I go and visit the emergency room.

After getting the kids to bed we had a chat about what could possibly cause this. Then it hit me, the Euphorbia! After rinsing my hands I continued to move stuff around in the greenhouse. I must have gotten more sap on my hands and when taking a wee I must have transferred some right onto the affected area.

Knowing the cause was a bit of a relief and i decided to see what a cold shower would do. It worked wonders! The cold made the pain disappear almost completely. So I spent the next 3 hours on the sofa alternating between a variety of very cold ice packs. When it was time to go to bed I still couldn’t go without cooling and my wife, after some googling suggested anti histamine and cortizon. I happily obliged and I actually had a good sleep.

This morning things were still very sore but much more manageable. Both my dick and my balls are covered in blisters though. 1/10 would not recommend.

Tldr: got Euphorbia sap on my balls and I’m probably not getting lucky this weekend.