let me explain. so I ate basically a whole bag of takis, and the day after I had to take a deuce. sooo my asshole was like being burned at the stake, and I also had period cramps while actively doing this. so the pain, unbareble, please kill me.
as any normal person would do, I grabbed my dermaplaning razor, and you can imagine what happened. it was the tiniest cut ever, no blood, didn’t soothe the pain. (for background info, I was listening to battle music because it helps. not that it matters, I just wanna paint the picture.) since it didn’t distract me from my burning asshole, I did it again, and again. tiny cuts, NO PAIN!
so then I got a little desperate and cut my arm. uh oh! sooo uhmm it cut A LOT MORE. basically, you could see the fat on my arm. eww gross I know. I screamed fuck as loud as I could, because I didn’t want anyone to know that I did a little licketly splickety doo on my arm, and started hyperventilating. uhmm so it didn’t hurt… but since I was so focused on something else, my asshole pain magically went away!! yippe!
stopped wiping, cus you know, panic attack? so I grabbed a wipe and held it on the cut and grabbed peroxide. put a bucket under my arm, poured a bunch on there, slapped a band aid on it, good to go. I sat back down on the toilet, put my head down so I didn’t pass out, you know. I finished wiping my asshole like nothing happened, andstartedh typing this up.
TL;DR: shitting, asshole burning, need to focus on something else, stabby stab stab, no pain, more stabby stab stab, and then I see the fat under my skin, at least my asshole didn’t hurt no more.
Comments
What the actual fuck did I just read?
Stitches. Go get stitches. Tell them you walked by a piece of sheet metal.
Uh… yo, please, put the razor out of reach from the toilet and maybe talk to a therapist about why you think this type of behavior is alright.
I understand that maybe distracting one pain with another was the goal, but in no way is that healthy. Pretty sure most of us just hold on for dear life, and pray we aren’t found dead with our pants down. In your case, from that kind of behavior, the latter would have been far more likely and that’s really not okay.
Self harm is still self harm, regardless of context. Please take care of yourself and seek proper medical attention.
In the meantime, if you must go that route, maybe opt for a hairband around your wrist. Snap it against your skin instead of doing something that can draw blood. Do not put your life at risk just to have a more pleasant poop.
Also, poop posture is godsend. Make sure to straighten your spine. Spread them cheeks before you sit, if you got a big booty. Tilt your shoulders a little to the left or right depending on which side cramps more (leaning away from the cramping side), while keeping your back as straight as you can. Sounds silly, but believe me, it helps things move through the pipes faster. Remember that your intestines are tubes that aren’t a straight line, and help them work with gravity, basically.
Best of luck.