This was last weekend and I still feel like absolute trash
We were hanging out at my buddy’s place for his birthday. Just a regular chill night with drinks pizza and games. One of our old high school friends came by too, I’ll call him Jake. Hadn’t seen him in a while but it was good to catch up
So back in high school Jake’s dad was kinda a running joke. Dude was always bailing on stuff and Jake himself used to clown on him more than any of us. Not a bad guy just super unreliable
Anyway we’re sitting around roasting each other like we always do and I go “at least my dad showed up to graduation… unlike Jake’s” thinking it was just a dumb throwback joke
And the whole room just goes quiet
Jake looks down and goes “yeah he passed away last week”
I wanted to disappear. I felt my whole body shut down. I started apologizing immediately and he said it was fine but you could tell it hit him. He dipped early and the mood never really came back after that
Texted him the next day and he said it was okay but I still feel like an asshole. I didn’t know. If I did I never would’ve said it
Still feel sick about it honestly
TL;DR made a joke about my friend’s unreliable dad and turns out his dad had just died. ruined the vibe and probably the whole night
Comments
Yeah I felt like the biggest idiot instantly. Definitely learned to shut up before trying to be funny again.
Yeah you fucked up. Let this be a lesson that saying mean things to people isn’t funny as an adult. Even if his dad hadn’t just passed, that’s just not nice
something to note for the future:
even if his dad hadn’t died, it’s kinda mean to joke about something that surely must be hurtful to him.
him dunking on it as a teen doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt his heart like hell. He can joke about it—you never should.
Now apply that to all other people in your life.
Be kind.
YEAH, after I hit 20 this kind of humour died to me. It’s a pretty quick way to determine if someone is worth the time.
If I were Jake I would never talk to you again.
Eh it’s shitty but it’s not like you knew. With that said joking about someone’s dad not showing up in their life is probably going to be a soft spot regardless of the death.
Reminds me of one time when a group of 8 of us were playing cards against humanity and everyone was drinking pretty heavily. There were a couple new people that tagged along that I wasn’t familiar with and one of the winning hands happened to be something like “What gets better as you get older?” “Daddy’s belt”. Some new girl in the group was the winner and since most of us were friends and were getting snarky with each other all night I said “Wow, clearly someone has daddy issues” trying to get her involved in the banter. Her friend that brought her along spoke up and said “Her dad is dead”, in my drunken stupor all I could think to respond with was “Well, that’s certainly an issue then isn’t it”.
Needless to say we didn’t quite hit it off.
I had Just divorced my abusive, meth addicted, alcoholic, cheater of a husband when his best friend called. I thought they were calling to pick up more of ex’s things. The Best friend started out “I’ve got to talk to you” I asked what happened did the dipshit ex get him self run over or something. “How’d you know?” Yeah I felt like an ass. Not because my ex was run over (screw him) but that i said it to his best friend. Since then I’ve apologized and we’re in good terms but every now and then it pops up in my mind and I feel bad all over. Lesson learned never joke about people dying.
Jake bagged on his dad the most as a way to cope, Op.
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If someone jokes around on their family like that, you let them but also maybe don’t participate. Clearly they’re working their shit out the best way they know how.
I think Jake gets it, and I doubt you’ve lost his friendship, but he’s gonna need a minute.
We all hit a moment at some point where we’ve gotta tone it down, especially if, as a teen, you used dark humor. Recognize it, apologize, and don’t do it again.
I’m 22 and went thru a similar thing or two. Same thing in relationships, nobody’s born knowing it all.
Pretty sure ive read this exact story on here before.
Not even a goof thing to joke about if he was alive, you sound like a dick
Even if his dad hadn’t just died, basically saying “yeah dude your dad’s a scumbag lol” isn’t a good joke. Edgy does not automatically = funny. If he joked about it himself as a kid, it wasn’t in a “haha look at how much of a dick my dad is” way it was in a “coping with a strained relationship” way
I probably went overboard with my dark jokes after my dad died. It was my way of coping with it. Like when I get roped into a meeting with higher ups, I joke that can’t they respect my dead-dad-force-field and leave me alone?
All my friends were kind enough to laugh with me and they sure as hell don’t join in with the jokes or initiate it. Live and learn.
I picked out a bottle of wine for my mom the night after my dad died and (in my grief and distractedness) gave her a bottle called the Widowmaker. 🤷♂️
Jake will probably be able to see the humor at some point. Don’t sweat it.
Oh Lord! My heart is racing just thinking about how you must be feeling! So sorry, friend! You didn’t know. You’d never had said that if you had. It was an honest mistake. Try to have compassion for yourself. Much easier said than done, I know.
When I was at uni, a guy walked into a room and said: ” It’s so quiet! Who died?”. Someone there had just found out that their best friend had died.
Not as extreme an example… but
My wife had an affair. Once I found out she intentionally moved the reservation for a family vacation to LegoLand to dates I couldn’t go and took our kids, her AP, and his kids to the vacation, leaving me behind.
I was (obviously) in a bad place.
Went to my buddy’s house waaaay early for game night and just sat, pretty miserable. One of our other buddies (who is a maximum federal prison guard) came in and looked at me and said “The only reason to look that bad is ‘my wife left me and my dog died’.”
I replied “My wife left me and I don’t have a dog.”
My buddy got a look of pure horror and shock… this prison guard who’s seen it all, was struck with terror on his face as he looked to our host, who only nodded to confirm that said buddy had indeed stepped in it *that* badly.
It was almost comical. In that moment I knew it’d be okay. I wasn’t at the moment, but I would be. Hopefully your friend had a similar experience and through your own mis-step made his burden a little less painful.
Now he’s just a beat