TIFU by keeping my waterbottle and bubble soap on the same table

My cats love watching bubbles swirl around in the air, so every evening as a wind-down from their regular playtime, I take a bubble gun and go nuts with it.

We were almost out of bubble soap so my wife bought a refill bottle recently. I went to refill the gun and found that the refill bottle came with its own bubble wand, and it had a bunch of different sized holes on it. One of them was pretty big so I was curious, and blew into it and the bubbles were MASSIVE. The cats were absolutely delighted and started following the huge bubbles around the apartment.

I set the bottle down to drink water, then started blowing bubbles again. My wife came home a few minutes later and asked what was going on.

For some reason, half of my brain thought, “I’m still thirsty, I need some more water,” and the other half of my brain thought “let’s show her how the cats go nuts with the bubbles.” So what did I do?

I said “watch this” and fucking chugged the bubble soap.

I realized my mistake very quickly and spat it out all over the carpet. My wife was staring at me, mouth open and horrified, screaming “what the hell is wrong with you??” I ran to the sink and started spraying the inside of my mouth with water, which was a fucking horrible thing to do because then I just started looking like I was foaming at the mouth, I just kept spitting, swishing, spitting, swishing, until that nasty soap taste was gone. I think I’m just going to stick with the bubblegun from now on.

TL;DR: mistook bottle of bubble soap for my waterbottle and chugged it in front of my wife, who I now wouldn’t blame for divorcing my idiot ass.