Hello Reddit,
I’m a young dad, real young. So young I get judged a lot for it and many unwarranted looks. Fortunately my son is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me. Let’s call me son Henry.
When I was 17 I got a girl pregnant. She was consistent in his life till he was about two. I attempted to sue the mother for child support. But the judge didn’t really side with me. The judge was a more traditional older man and told me to step up for my son.
So that’s what I did. Unfortunately I had to drop out of highschool. I later earned my GED. I now work full time at a culvers. I work roughly 55 hours a week to provide for my son.
Thankfully, I’ve had immense help. From ages 0-4 my parents helped me with him a lot. But my parents decided on a move as their housing was also getting a little pricey.
After that it got a little harder, for the first few months of my early 20s was a blur. However I don’t regret having Henry, he’s the light of my life. My next door neighbor is an elderly widow who helps care for him after school. We’ve grown close and she’s happy to do it for me.
Comes to today to how my son seen my crying. My son is now seven, he’s not dumb by far, by the least. I try to hide my financial troubles from him as best as I can but he understands that we live in a small apartment.
Unfortunately, we’ve been having to cut out eating out due to how expensive everything is getting. Plus a scummy rent increase by our landlord has literally put a strain on my back.
I’ve tried to explain to him how important this is, but he’s still just a kid. He doesn’t understand the concept of money too much right now. He was a little excited because I told him we’d be able to afford going to his favorite Mexican restaurant this Monday. But honestly, I tried guys, I really did, but I just can’t handle it. With all the bills, credit card bills, rent. I can’t swing it right now.
While watching Henry’s little face twist into a bout of confusion and anger I began to feel a twist in my chest as I grew frustrated. I feel like a horrible father to admit this but I yelled at my son.
“We don’t have the money to eat out, Henry.” I shouted. The words keep ringing through my ears. My parents shouted alot so I tried to avoid it with my son. I didn’t want him frightened of me.
After seeing the fear and tears well in his face, I realized he was a little scared. Which caused me to break down, I couldn’t stop myself from letting the tears start to fall down my cheeks.
It was a long night that Monday night. I remember feeling so ashamed and embarrassed that I acted that way. fortunately Henry woke up right as rain the next morning. He’s emotionally intelligent and I think he understands how strained I am.
I’ve decided I’m going to further my education through my jobs work program. I need to step up a little bit in my life and do a bit more than just surviving and yelling at my kid. He’s a good boy my Henry.
Ever since Monday he’s treated me a little softer than he has before. He’s such a good kid, and every day I look at him I realize how glad I am I became a father.
Well, that’s all I have for you reddit. Tired father of one, signing off.
TLDR; Son was upset we didn’t have money to eat out, I lashed out and yelled at him frightening him, he seen me crying. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. So I’m going to further my education and begin a better life for us.
Comments
You super buried the real fuck up under normal human behavior there, fella.
Keep at it lad. Use the support you can.
Letting him see you cry isn’t a failure. Kids can understand more than you think – talk to him and explain to him how you were feeling – something like “I really wanted to take you for dinner and I was sad and disappointed that I couldn’t. When I have some money, we can go out and have your birthday dinner a little later than usual.” Having a male role model that acknowledges and talks about feelings is a really powerful thing for his development. You’re doing a good job
You didn’t fuck up. You acted human in a moment of stress and upset. You yelled, yes, but as long as you apologise, show him that it wasn’t his fault, you are actively teaching your son how to regulate emotions and apologise when sometimes it becomes too much and you lash out.
You sound like you are doing your best, and trust me, if this is the first time you’ve cried and yelled to the point of being ashamed and embarrassed, you ARE doing something right.
So many parents fall on that as the default for most situations. Keep trying, keep doing your beat but above all, know that children won’t remember the restaurants or where they ate out as a child u less it’s a special occasion that sticks out
What they DO remember, is how their parents showed up for them and loved them.
You’re doing great!
i think that you need to explain it to him why you did what you did and make it a lesson for him
You’re a good dad. There’s no FU here.
If your son treated you better, that isnt fucked up, hes smart enough to asses the situation.
You didn’t fuck up. You were human. It is normal and developmentally important for our kids to see us display the full gamut of emotions, within limits, of course.
A child who never sees his parent cry/ not have the answers/ show vulnerability will not lean how to feel and experience these things healthily themselves. They will develop the same shame that you felt. And you don’t want that.
I’m a single mum. My kids are teenagers now. They’ve seen me in a bad way a handful of times. It gets easier as they grow. We have a healthy, emotionally open relationship; they are very well adjusted, funny, kind boys.
You should be proud. We both know how tricky it is. You aren’t a superhero. You’re a human being trying to do a superhero’s job. Sounds like you’re smashing it honestly.
Chin up, soldier on; your boy will be more than fine with a dad who cares as much as you do.
Sounds like you are doing your best to break the cycle of yelling / not controlling anger young man, and I for one applaud you!
Have you tried getting help from the county or state? Regardless of the previous judgement, the state can award you whatever they feel necessary including garnishing the mothers pay / assets. Don’t be too proud to ask, services are available for a reason and right now Henry is that reason and he deserves it.
Bless you and Henry.
if you live in the US and have full custody I would revisit childsupport, Doeson’t matter if you are a man, you full time support and working in the US the both parents have obligation for caring for the child
The crying wasn’t the problem, but the yelling and the sharing of financial issues is. It’s normal though to yell sometimes. I would even say it’s better that a parent is the first person to lose their temper in front of a child instead of a stranger. I would try not to disclose financial issues to your son though because that financial trauma in childhood is a thing and can de detrimental to mental health throughout life. A no is a no when it comes to getting fast food and there are more reasons that can be given than “we don’t have the money for it”.