Well today I fucked up, about an hour ago now. I should start by prefacing some things.
- My fiancés mother is Dominican and part black.
- I have what my parents called “verbal spillage” which is their take on foot in mouth syndrome.
- I feel like an absolute gutter human being
So onto where I fuck up. I was with my fiancé at her parents place laying on her bed when we heard someone humming which turned out to be her mother. Now in my head I heard the tune of Eric Cartman singing “Day is never finished, master got me working, someday master set me free” to which I say (incredibly stupidly I may add) sounds like a field song. My fiancé looks at me and says what do you mean by that? To which I say well back in the day when people were enslaved and working in the fields-. I didn’t get to finish my sentence because I looked at her and she looked at me then just walked out the door to the bathroom. Man alive, when I tell you that I
A. Completely forgot her mom’s heritage (I just think of her as Hispanic 90% of the time)
B. Didn’t mean anything offensive or negative but simply just making an observation to what I heard
C. Felt my heart sink, my stomach rise and the immediate realization of what I had just said when I put the pieces together in my mind.
The look of hurt and anger she gave me ripped me in two. When she returned she simply said you need to leave and that this is something she will never forgive me for (which I completely understand) I apologized in ernest and I made it clear that what I said was so far from even remotely ok and I recognized that and then I left. I truly feel like the shittiest person and fiancé alive right now. And I’ll be honest, I’m scared. I’m scared this isn’t something we can work past and I’m scared this is something she’ll leave me over. She is the best thing that has happened to me and if she ends things I have no idea what I’m going to do with myself. And the kicker, I wouldn’t even blame her if she did. I know I fucked up on multiple levels and I’m praying this is something we can work through.
TL;DR: my fiancé and I heard her mom humming in the hallway, I said it sounded like a field song, and she told me to leave.