One thing I (20m) noticed a few years back when I first started drinking socially is that when you do/say stupid shit while drunk people don’t hold it against you as much as if you were sober. If you’re mean or do something especially egregious, of course, people still dislike you for it, but if you just embarrass yourself they just laugh it off in a way they wouldn’t if you weren’t drinking.
Now I have adhd, which means I have the impulse control and vocal filter of a concussed toddler. So, whenever I’d especially embarrass myself I’d just lie and say I was drunk at the time. Overshared? Sorry, I was drunk. Made a joke that landed terribly? Sorry, I was drunk. So on and so forth
This worked very well for me, until recently. Seemingly out of nowhere, one of my friends asks me if “I’m okay” saying that she’s “concerned about how much I’m drinking”. I’m confused and ask her what she means by that, and she says that I’m drunk almost every day, including early in the morning. Guess I didn’t realise how often I embarrass myself and use the same lie to weasel my way out of it
So now apparently all my friends think I’m some sort of an alcoholic, and if I tell them the truth that I just be lying they’ll think I’m crazy. Might have to fake a whole sobriety arc to get out of it, but if they somehow find out in the future that that was all a lie it’d reflect even badly on me than just coming clean now
Tl;dr – I’m stupid as fuck
Comments
at this point just lean into it. their perception of you is already altered. recommend clear spirits if youre worried about weight gain.
Calmly explain the situation as you have here. When asked why you thought this was a good idea, matter-of-factly say it’s because you were drunk at the time.
I agree, you have to lean into it. Make a point to only drink non-alcoholic beverages when your friends are around so that in like a year you can look at them and be like, “you know I dont drink, right?” And then the egg is on their face instead of yours
Up to you whether you wanna come clean and say what’s really going on or whether you wanna keep spinning that lie. Life decision for you to make. Ofc it was going to come down to this moment and you should have thought about it before thinking you have a get out of jail free card, which doesn’t exist even if you are a drunk
Just start smokin’ weed instead and change the excuse to “because I was high”….
No stop lying just tell your friends this was an excuse and you are sorry
This is the greatest tldr I’ve ever read, nothing more relatable
If you were my friend and told me the truth explaining that you didn’t know how to relate impulse control to people you think aren’t neurodiverse and that you used what you thought was something anyone could relate to as a shortcut to explain it…
… And genuinely apologized because in hindsight you regret the decision and you’re sorry for taking that approach…
I would certainly understand and forgive you for that. I think and genuine / good friendship would extend you a level of understanding. I suspect a less strong friendship might still suffer for it, but I think honesty and finding out is better than having shallow friends that can’t look at things from each other’s perspective.
If your apology is looking at it from their perspective that would help. Acknowledging that they might be mad or upset by the shortcut to explaining you took could go a long way.
Lol. Have a little party, talk about it in a group. Be open and honest. Time to unmask and be open.. the best way to kill shame is with confidence. Maybe, cook for everyone and talk about it right before you serve food. ♡ all my love, a fellow adhd-er.. and autism..anxiety/mild ocd.. depression..epilepsy.. good times lol
I hate to be blunt, but if you have to apologize that often for your asshole behavior, it’s not ADHD. You’re just an asshole.
I’m sorry but there’s no other way to put it. It doesn’t mean you can’t change, but you’re gonna have to grow up and own it. Think before you speak.