I (20f) am in college. I have a roommate (18f), I’ll call her R, who moved in with me the beginning of this school year.
The thing is, out of the toys I own, there’s only one I don’t try really hard to hide, the most generic looking one.
The dorm room is divided into 2, one half is mine with my desk, the other half is hers with her desk. My desk has 2 shelves that are quite high, the top one being above eye level. I keep this one toy in a small shower basin on the top shelf, which is above eye level for her. (The shelf is around 6ft high, she’s 5’4.)
Because exam season is finally over for me, I went home for the month, although I did come back once every two weeks to bring stuff I had forgotten.
Me and her have a good relationship for the most part, just some basic problems of she’s a bit messy which I don’t mind that much. She recently got a boyfriend and she asked me some 18+ things, including the activities that lead up to the Deed and what kind of vibrator she should buy. I told her she’ll have to discover what she likes on her own because toys are a personal thing.
So today I went back to the dorm because I have classes next week. As I found out, her boyfriend has basically moved in, which I don’t care about too much either because I think they won’t do anything while I’m in the room. When those two left, I saw that my plushie was on her bed which isn’t that strange because we have a “sisterly” relationship where we can borrow each other’s things without asking.
When I lifted my plushie, lo and behold, I saw my vibrator on her bed.
I was FLOORED. I thought to myself maybe she was just curious about what a vibrator looked like? But I pressed the button and found out it was fully charged! Immediately, in my head I saw the scene of her reaching up to my shelf, taking the vibrator, charging it and then using it. Now I don’t know what to do.
How do I bring up that it’s not okay to use other people’s 18+ toys at all, let alone without asking?! Maybe it was my fault because it wasn’t locked away in my closet? I’m kind of upset because although it isn’t my favorite one, it was my FIRST one and I don’t want to throw it away. But it’s not like I can continue to use it!
So TL;DR I didn’t properly hide my vibrator and my roommate used it.
Comments
Did you smell it to see if she had used it?
Eewww!! No, it’s not your fault. It is mega weird to use someone else’s vibrator. Honestly it’s so weird that I’d be at a loss trying to start that conversation too!
Just wash it, it’s fine.
That’s like sharing someone else’s toothbrush. Is she full of straw and has no brain? Wtf 😬
“Why did you use my vibrator?”
Are you sure it’s yours? Maybe she bought the same one.
First and foremost is this. It’s gonna be awkward no matter what. So get ready for that.
Find some time where you guys are alone and ask her as casually as you can. Even joke about it or something if it lightens up the mood. Anything.
It’s pretty damming to see what you saw, hopefully she doesn’t lie her way out of it. Best of luck OP, sorry this happened to you. Not a huge deal but it’s uncomfortable nonetheless.
Take the plushie back, leaving the vibrator for her to see, and be there when she gets back and sees that she forgot to cover her tracks. Make eye contact and ask her to explain
Well, it’s hers now.
She’s a predator
I mean, I wouldn’t say it isn’t ok *AT ALL.* But I definitely would agree that without asking is… yikes.
Always protect “valuable things”. Otherwise the sharing-borrowing-sister will think leftovers are free game.
I wouldnt make a big deal of it but just tell her to compensate you the cost of what you paid for it. Let her keep it..
She has a new 18+ toy too, use him.
Leave a note “Using other people’s sex toys is fucking gross, and crossing a line when it comes to personal property. We need never discuss this further”
My honest to God advice is to just throw it away and not talk about it. There really is nothing to gain from talking about it and just be more careful in the future, honestly
Dudes wouldn’t borrow a fleshlight
What you really need to ask yourself is did her boyfriend actually use it.
Just be honest with her , although I get easier said than done
I had a college roommate use my beard trimmer to trim his whole body. The whole thing. A few times. Took a while for me to notice.
Please get a comprehensive review of sex education for her, particularly of veneral diseases. Not that that’s a possibility from getting it from a vibeator but suppose this trend continues with insertables. And the bf gives her some infection.
From your post, she seems really inexperienced when it comes to sex, masturbation, relationships and toys.
I’d give her the benefit of doubt since she’s 18. She did a stupid thing using someone else’s toy, but we do stupid things in our teens for no logical reason.
She might be too embarrassed to go shop for one, or feel guilty for trying to shop for a toy.
You can go many ways with this and how to interact with her, but I’d personally either a) Talk to her about it and say that using someone’s toy is icky and not safe, b) Buy her a toy and leave it on the bed with a witty remark on it and to have fun, c) take her to a sex shop and help her browse.
All in all, I think she didn’t do it out of spite, or to disrupt you or anything negative. She was curious and her teenage brain took over.
lets be real ol girl prolly didnt want to pay for her own.
Why in the fuck would anyone want to put a toy in their body that was in someone else’s? I think it’s time to change roomates. What she did is both fucking disgusting and utterly beyond the pale. Unless you’re lovers, you don’t ever borrow someone else’s sex toy. Even when you are lovers, you still ask. Your roomate was neither!
“Holy shit Rachael, when I said you need to try things out on your own, I didn’t mean you could use my vibe! That’s yours now, you owe me $dollars for a replacement.”
If I was in a roommate situation and we were casual buddies that don’t hide things from each other, and I found out he used my fleshlight? I’d be disgusted and I’d have to ask him wtf he was thinking. Like I clean my toys, I’m pretty thorough, but I’d feel gross and unsure of my cleaning ability afterwards. Because before, it was my own stuff, now you’re mixing in another person’s bodily fluids. You have to confront her. No need to be aggressive, but you have to be firm. This is a major violation, and she only gets one. How you perceive her afterwards is up to you, but this is something you can’t sweep under the rug.