Last night, I was too tired to do one simple task: put out a new stick of butter to soften for the morning. No big deal, right?
WRONG.
Around 2 a.m., my teenage son, blessed with the metabolism of a hummingbird on espresso, decided he needed waffles. He fires up the toaster, goes hunting for butter… and finds a suspiciously wrapped stick in the fridge. Foil-wrapped. Rectangular. Solid. His brain, running on fumes and gamer energy, goes: “Butter.”
Spoiler: It was vegetable shortening. Just pure, flavorless, ghost-white grease. But did he hesitate? Nope. He slathered it all over those waffles, poured syrup on top like nothing was amiss, and ate every bite. The man had shortening and syrup on his waffles like it was totally normal.
This morning he casually tells me, “The butter was kinda flavorless last night, but the syrup covered it.”
I just stood there, horrified, while he walked away like some culinary war criminal.
TIFU. And I may have raised a gremlin.
TL;DR: Forgot to put out butter. Teen son made 2am waffles, mistook foil-wrapped vegetable shortening for butter, ate it with syrup, didn’t notice. Thinks “bland butter” is a thing now.
Comments
Ooof! That sounds awful.
Sounds like this is about American food? I’m so glad we have butter that we can just take out of the fridge and it’s usable 1 minute later.
RIP your toilet.
Hey I am a full grown man , weird as it may sound but I might have done the same at some point, only it was hydrogenated vegetable oil in my case , didn’t notice anything amiss until it was pointed out.
He didn’t eat waffles he survived a cooking boss battle at 2am and called it “bland butter.” That’s not a teen, that’s a chaotic neutral demigod.
He didn’t eat waffles he committed breakfast manslaughter and walked away like it was Tuesday. Truly, a gremlin forged in the fires of 2am hunger and chaos.
I just keep my butter on the counter full-time so it’s always soft.
Butter’s all about that salty hit against the sweet, this was straight-up flavorless goo. How he kept eating it like nothing was wrong is beyond me.
That is on you for even having that atrocity in your fridge.