This was literally last week and I’m still trying to pretend it didn’t happen
So I got hired for a remote role, first day was one of those group onboarding Zoom calls. Like 12 new hires and two HR people walking us through systems and policies and all that. I’m sitting at my desk in pajama shorts and a hoodie, still half asleep, camera off… or so I thought
They’re talking about company values or whatever and I kinda zone out and start eating cold leftover spaghetti straight from the container. No fork. Just caveman-ing it with my hands. I thought I was invisible. I was not.
Mid-slurp I hear, “Uh… Zack?” I think your camera’s on.”
I look up and see my own greasy little face just chomping away in full gallery view. Spaghetti hand. Hoodie hood halfway over one eye. Like a cryptid caught on film.
I panicked, slammed my laptop shut like that would reverse time or something. Reopened it, turned camera off, tried to act like my connection had dropped. Nobody said anything else but I know they saw. Chat was too quiet after that.
So yeah, pretty sure my first impression at this job is “guy who eats spaghetti with his hands at 9AM on a Monday”
TL;DR Thought my camera was off during remote onboarding, ate cold spaghetti with my hands, it very much was not off
Comments
Bro LOL tell them you’re pastafarian so they can’t fire you. It was actually a morning religious rite.
The fact that they only mentioned this when you were slurping the spaghetti makes me think you’ll be fine.
Honestly wasn’t even good spaghetti. Just sad fridge noodles with no sauce
I wheezed like a dog choking on a squeaky toy reading this. Actual tears. I can picture it so well. Thank you for this gift.
Meh, amateur. One of my old colleagues thought he’d muted and turned his camera off so he could eat lunch during a meeting – he had not. Got all the crunching, snuffling, belching and farting at full volume.
I bet everyone in the call was just glad it wasn’t them with their cameras on!
It sort of makes me happy that there are people who live without anxiety of a thing like this. This could not happen to me. I’m wayyyyyy too anxious about it happening.
This is the best post first thing in the morning! I almost want to get out of bed now knowing that this will NOT be me today. Thank you!
Cavemen best men. If it’s time for spaghetii, it’s time for spaghetti.
Two embarrassing incidents committed by my coworkers. 1) We have a large, international company. During conference calls w/ 100 people, there’s always one fool who forgets to mute their microphone. So one guy was heard yammering (in a foreign language i don’t understand, probably indian), and suddenly we all hear, “Are you authorized to work in the US?” Moron was doing an interview with a recruiter during an all-hands. 2) One female coworker was having an argument w/ her spouse. We all heard, “THIS MARRIAGE IS A SHAM!”
Dude you had one shot.
You ended up with palms sweaty, knees weak and hands full of spaghetti.
I have no idea how, and legitimately don’t believe, how anyone can “not notice” their webcam is on during a zoom/teams call etc. Its quite blatantly obvious
Doesn’t sound like you even really cared about what the first impression you were making by how unprepared you were for this call, in the first place.
Hey buddy what is wrong with you
But the way, the guy reminding you your camera is on, that’s me. I would do that. I might first send you a private chat if I can. Or I might just say it out loud to save you embarassment while simultaneously creating it.
You are welcome.
>So yeah, pretty sure my first impression at this job is “guy who eats spaghetti with his hands at 9AM on a Monday”
you say this like it’s not accurate
Definitely bring spaghetti to any potluck event with coworkers. You’re going to be famous at your new workplace.
here’s a cringier one to make you feel better…one of my colleagues forgot they were screen sharing and started to google image search the name of another person on the call!
There is an old story of a someone who was working at Cisco and was seen on video pleasuring himself during a WebEx meeting. The guy was fired, but then sued stating there wasn’t proper messaging that the camera was on. He won.
Oh no, that sounds super embarrassing, but hey, at least you brought some entertainment to the onboarding meeting, haha…
I support this feral act.
I adore your choice of words. Things like “caveman-ing” or “just sad fridge noodles with no sauce” make me happy.
You know, shame actually serves an important purpose. It’s not supposed to paralyze us after we do dumb shit. It’s supposed to PREVENT us from doing dumb shit. Have a little self respect! Grab a fork! Put on some presentable clothes! You don’t have to live like this!