I’ll admit, I’ve been slacking off hygienically (I do brush my teeth every night at least) and I was debating showering, but some shiny new personal devices had just arrived and I might’ve been a little overeager to try them.
Two nights later, I’m glued to a toilet seat for hours at a time writhing in pain as I process the fact that I, a virgin, gave myself a UTI because I couldn’t have been fucked to hop in a shower for 10 minutes and clean up. After googling to confirm that this is indeed a tract infection and not something scarier or ignorable, I booked an Urgent Care visit and managed to acquire pain relief medication with the help of a roomie that helped for a couple hours.
Cut to a few hours later, the medication has worn off but roomie is taking the longest shower in the only bathroom in the house and I’m not one to try to interrupt showers, so I’m trying my damnest to be patient and wait my turn. Mere minutes from relief, my bladder decides it’s done waiting and I just can’t hold it. I end up catching about half of the mess in my lined bedroom trash can, using already-dirty clothes to at least mop up the remaining liquid on the floor while I process that I’ve broken my 16 year record of not-wetting-myself. Now I’ve got a partially broken trashcan full of liquid excrement, dirty legs, and still no sleep at all because the idea of lying down is terrifying when I’ve just wet myself. At least there’s cat litter in the house.
TL;DR I got lazy and skipped a shower, gave myself a UTI and now have a mess 100x worse to have to clean up.
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it happens to the best of us