We were attending a wedding reception today, of my husband’s cousin and his bride. My husband and cousin were very close growing up, almost like siblings. It was a lovely event held in the groom’s brother’s large garden.
I had to step back inside to the kitchen for a bit to make a bottle for my baby, and in there sat what is probably best described as a group of “Asian aunties”. Anyone who is Asian or related to such aunties will know very well how judgemental and filterless this brutal demographic can be, even the sweetest ones. This group included the groom’s mother and aunts. I was trying my best to mind my own business but overheard them discussing how plain the bride is.
At first I was really disheartened to hear these judgemental and superficial comments, about a new family member as well! And the newlyweds obviously are very much in love and happy together. I wouldn’t even call her plain, though I suppose the aunties were just proud of their son/nephew being handsome in comparison.
Then I let my mind wander beyond that. I realized a trend/pattern among most of the members of my husband’s family. They are all quite good looking in conventional terms, blessed with some good genetic lottery. But most if not all of them (thinking of my husband, his siblings and their cousins and it’s quite a big family) have married or are dating people who are less attractive by appearance.
I thought this was super wholesome because it shows that (except for the elderly gossiping aunties) despite being good looking themselves, they are not superficial people and choose their partners based on personality and love them for who they are regardless of their appearance. It gave me a warm fuzzy “how sweet” feeling.
And then realization hit and I had definitely FU by thinking this far. I realized that I, too, have married into this family. Of good looking people who marry less attractive ones.
I am the plain, unattractive partner.
I took the now ready bottle of milk and went back to the garden party, defeated, humbled and newly self aware of where I stand on the attractiveness scale.
TL;DR: TIFU by realising my husband’s family is wholesome people who are conventionally attractive but not superficial and therefore have partners who are less conventionally attractive – and that I’m in that second group of people and therefore must be not very attractive. 🙁
Comments
Take the win on your attractive personality!
Just because that may be true about others to you doesnt mean it’s true about you. Also it doesn’t matter unless you’d want to be with someone less attractive than you to feel better about yourself which would be weird
NFU. He sees your inner beauty.
Asian aunties are brutal with their honesty. they will tell you that you’re getting fat with the quickness.
Clearly you aren’t unattractive to your partner.
I’m sure you a beautiful in the eyes that matter. Happy upcoming Mother’s Day.
there is no such thing as objective attractiveness. you’re extremely attractive to the person who literally married you. the opinions of his aunts is irrelevant and speaks more of them than of you.
We all think our spouses are hot and attractive.
your hubby clearly thinks you’re gorgeous
ignore the overly-crotical harpies
Maybe your partner is the exception and he’s actually really superficial and only loves you for your good looks?
Beauty is what’s on the inside and not what is on the outside. Be grateful you have found someone who loves you for you, and hold onto that. As they have seen something far deeper than skin deep.
I highly doubt you’re unattractive. I also doubt those partners are either. It’s more likely that the men found women with more attractive traits- that are not superficial judgemental AHs- than the aunties. And no, that doesn’t mean you have to be less attractive physically to be attractive mentally and emotionally.
Standards of attractiveness are not universal. They are shaped culturally but can be highly individualized. What is attractive to one person is not attractive to another. I bet to your fine husband you are the most beautiful woman in the world! (It’s not just Asian aunties, it is aunties of all persuasion. I can still hear my grandmother and her sisters. My, oh my! They were as white as white people can be. And I have been at family gatherings with friend’s black aunties. Same thing. Just more recognized in some cultures. Lol)
Asian aunties are brutal, but maybe it shows that ypur husband and the others have a different definition of beauty than you or they do.
You can always claim you’re the outlier!!
They aren’t doing a charity marriage, they were just raised to appreciate real beauty.
I can only speak for myself but as I find out something positive about someone they physically become more attractive to me. They might see their teeth and wish they were more straight or something but I see the smile that makes me think happy thoughts. It goes the other way too, I might see see someone and then when I find out who they actually are isn’t someone I’d like in my life they look less attractive to me as time goes on.
You MIGHT be “plain” I don’t know, you also might be gorgeous and have a great personality that makes it shine even more. Either way though, I’m willing to bet your husband found someone he found attractive and as he got to know you all those things you saw as flaws just convinced him that this was his standard for beauty.
TL/DR: I truly believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
It’s very sweet that you try to see the best in people first. Which is very rare. You sound like a sweet and lovely wife. Your husband is very lucky 🙂
People can’t choose their genetics. But they choose their partners. Your partner lucked out! 🙂