I am a teacher at a primary school, and around a month ago, I went on a school trip in the school minibus with a group of children and another member of staff, who I am going to refer to as Ray. Ray was driving the minibus and was in charge of dropping us off and picking us up, whilst I accompanied the children during the trip. He is an older guy, in his 60s, compared to me (25F), however that age difference doesn’t really matter, as we always got on well and would frequently chat both at work, and during the drives to and from school trips – we would sit in the front, and the children in the back.
On this particular trip, Ray picked us up at around 12 noon, ready to get back to the school for lunch (around a 20/25 minute journey), and we began chatting like usual. Ray used to live in the area this particular trip took place in, so he was telling us (me and the kids) all about the streets we were driving through as we went, which was quite interesting…. until he made a comment about how there were so many immigrants around now (including some choice swear words to describe said immigrants). I was shocked that he’d say that, especially as it was in front of the kids, however they didn’t appear to have heard it, so I didn’t comment on what he’d said, so as not to draw attention to it.
He then continued on this topic for a bit, before I managed to steer the conversation to something else (the weather), which he then ALSO managed to turn into a criticism of immigrants, as well as female drivers, whilst also saying that global warming wasn’t real. I tried to argue at this point, however he replied that he used to think like that too, but that eventually I would see the truth. I just nodded and kept quiet for the rest of the journey.
Back at work, I escorted the children back in, before checking in with my year lead to report back on how the trip went. I told him about the trip before telling him what Ray had said. He just rolled his eyes and said that it’s just what that generation are like. This comment made me rethink whether I should report it, as be didnt seem too bothered, however I knew that for my conscience (especially as the children could’ve heard it), that I needed to report what he’d said.
I then went to a higher up and told her what had happened and she was really supportive, didnt minimise his words at all, and assured me that they’d talk to Ray when his line manager was back in.
Now is around a month later, and Ray is completely different around me. He barely acknowledges me at all. It is making me quite upset, as he was always someone I could chat to and have a laugh with at work. Furthermore, trips are strange now, as me and him sit in silence in the front of the minibus instead of chatting now, which feels awkward more than anything. Ive also noticed that many of the other people that he chats with are now not really associating with me either.
The worst thing though, is that he mans the entrance gate of the school, and always waves and smiles at everyone when they first arrive in the morning. Now, he does this to everyone still… except from me, and it genuinely devastates me.
I feel stupid, because obviously he was in the wrong and deserved to be reported, however I’m now left thinking I was in the wrong for ruining my work dynamics and making work less enjoyable for myself. It sucks too, because it’s not like he’s being outwardly mean to me, so I can’t report it, hes just not engaging, which is so much worse, because it means that it’s just how it’s going to be now.
TL;DR: I reported my colleague for racist/xenophobic/sexist comments made in front of children and now regret it, as I’ve not got any work friends left.
Comments
Most buses are equipped with cameras inside. Unless he specifically knows it was you, just blame the video that would have been recorded of him saying those things.
I’m a big believer in picking my battles. Wouldn’t have picked that one
Not sure what outcome you’re looking for. Looks like the higher ups spoke with him about his conduct and he no longer talks to you. If it’s not impacting the work then leave it alone.
You’ll be swarmed with hugbox answers that trip over themselves to validate your actions. In reality you tattled on someone for bad opinions instead of just not talking to them, and now you’re butthurt they don’t want to talk to you anymore? I mean what did you expect? It sounds like you guys had a decent dynamic so why not just say “hey let’s change the topic” or similar in the moment? Instead your first action is to run and tell. I wouldn’t acknowledge you either because you are a liability
You did the right thing. I’d be apoplectic if a school staff member was spouting this trash in front of my kids.
You did the what you felt was right for reporting and I am sure there must be whistleblower protector laws where you are but these generally protect you against retaliation
However if people know you reported a friendly chat (thats how they see it) they will be super careful around you and/or avoid you, not because they blame you (some might) but they are afraid that they might say something which they think harmless but you might report. So I am afraid to say if they know you were the one reported which seems like, yes your work dynamics will never be the same again and for sure Ray will never talk to you.
Unless you were expecting him to get fired I would say this is going about as well as you could reasonably expect.
Maybe he was hurt you didn’t go straight to him with your concerns instead of going to your supervisor and potentially jeopardizing his employment.
You did the right thing, it might be awkward from here on out but there’s no point in being close with someone who’s racist, xenophobic, and sexist. And especially in front of children. You could’ve confronted him directly but he dismissed you when you countered global warming and he’s also sexist so I doubt he would’ve taken you seriously.
Important lesson for you, people despise rats.
Why would you want to talk to this racist, sexist, xenophobic asshole?!
He wants to believe in that shit? Fine and dandy.
He wants to spew it (complete with curses) in front of kids? Fuck that shit. He can do it with his own kids on his own time, but not when he’s being paid to do something else with someone else’s kids.
The only thing I would have done differently was I would have shut that shit down as soon as he started spewing it.
The level of FU depends on how much of a friend he was. “Work friend” as in a real friend when you’re at work? Or just a colleague you small talk with? Not having any work friends but him in a school – where there’s lots of people – is a bit odd. How come?
Anyways, there’s a chance he’s just scared. He wants to keep his job and he sees you as a threat, so he shuts down and shuts up. If you really care, be the bigger person, apologize for potentially costing him his job and tell him you’d like to be friends.
You did the right thing but his reaction is also fair. Reports like this can cost people jobs and this incident let him know he needs to be especially careful about what might make it back to someone who would make a report.
Honestly, i expect this will have wider blowback towards you.
You tried to get a coworker fired. Even being right about him saying something he shouldn’t have, you are now the person everyone will have to be very careful about what they say around you, least they say something you don’t like and report them.
I expect just about everyone will become a bit more standoffish with you.
Often, standing up for what you believe is right comes with a cost. In this case, I would’ve anticipated he might lose his job and develop a strong dislike for me in the process. It’s too bad he’s giving you the cold shoulder (and if it worsens, you must report him again for retaliation).
If you stand behind your values that led you to report him, I hope you’ll stand by, rather than regret, your decision.
Is a person with these beliefs really someone you want to be close with, or whose opinion you value?
Why are you seeking validation from a racist, science-denying piece of shit?