So I’ve been keeping fish for years, and have been “rescuing” sad looking fish at pet stores for a while now. A few months ago, I rescued a sad little goldfish from a dollar store tank situation. Poor thing was pale, skinny, and obviously was not being taken care of. I brought it home, got it set up in a 70L tank by itself.
So this is where I fucked up:
My 7 year old little brother is autistic. He’s very particular about colours. His favourite colour is white. Not off-white. Not cream. White. When he saw the goldfish, which at the time was still pearly white, he instantly fell in love. He then declared it his fish, and I just kind of laughed it off and told him he can be it’s owner if he takes care of it properly.
He named it Snowball (which I thought was pretty cute). He fed it daily, watched it swim, even told it little stories. He was obsessed. I felt like the best big sister ever to be honest.
But then, a couple weeks ago he went away for a week on a school trip. And during that week… Snowball turned orange.
I knew it could happen, goldfish often change colour as they mature, especially if they’re rescues who were underfed or poorly housed. Better diet, proper lighting, and reduced stress bring out their natural pigment. But try explaining pigment development to a heartbroken 7-year-old. He came home, ran to the tank, stopped dead in his tracks, and stared. And then he burst into tears.
So now he’s mourning Snowball like he died, even though the fish is literally right there, swimming around and living his best orange life. I tried to explain, I even showed him old pictures, but he just whispered, “That’s his cousin,” and walked away.
TL;DR: Rescued a white goldfish, gave it to my autistic little brother who loved it for its colour. It matured and turned orange while he was away, and now he believes his fish has been replaced by an imposter. Trust broken. Fish thriving. I’m on thin ice.
Comments
I’m sorry, but that is f*cking adorable
Aww l feel sorry for you but please know that you did everything with good intentions. Since you mentioned your brother is autistic, I know it is difficult to make him understand how the color changed but is it possible that you could draw and illustrate the color changing process through flash cards?
I think visual demonstration of something helps in many cases for kids with autism. He needs to be explained step by step what actually happened through some visual tools. Show him a basic video on YouTube as well. May be that will help. All the best!
Awww. I wonder if you could have a plushie goldfish made with reversible sequins to help explain it to him. The kind where it changes color when you brush your hand against them.
I so feel for you! However I also cackled like a loon at ‘That’s his cousin’ Does your brother know pokemon? Maybe you can tell him it evolved into its best self?
There were loads of helpful suggestions in this thread.
That being said, being on the spectrum myself I’ve found that after the initial overload of emotion I get balance from diving into relevant info.
Aquariumcoop.com
As a fish keeper/breeder I can tell you that the forums are great for info and it’s also where I buy all of my equipment and feed.
More relevant, their youtube channel covers EVERYTHING in a fun and friendly format.
Easily approachable and downright mesmerizing when you find what your interested in.
Add this to the other options. Show the kiddo.
They are still very young, keep that in mind.
But if you present the info in a way that engages them, you may have a partner in slime.
“If I break my arm or cut my hair, do you still love me? That’s what happened to snowball!”
To him, it cannot possibly be the same fish, that leap of understanding has nothing to do with intelligence, it has to do with how things are seen. Temple Grandin explained it well, she only travels in certain hotel chains because the colors and drapes and bedspreads are the same color. She knows they are still curtains and bedspreads, but still cannot and will not stay in them if they are not consistent with what she considers a hotel that SHE stays in. It’s completely sensory. Find an illustrated book for him, it will help, but chances are he will not ever feel the same about snowball, even if he can understand intellectually.
Do you have any close relative with grey hair? If so, show him a picture of that relative before the hair turned grey and use it as an example.
Sure, the physiology behind isn’t exactly the same, but maybe close enough for a kid to understand how looks can change with age.
I laughed so hard. Your poor brother, genuinely. We’re all autistic so my kids have had their things like that. One used to save moths from drowning, one tried to adopt a 30ft piece of kelp when we went to the ocean, lol.
Someone suggested a reversible plushie, if you can’t find one, hmu, I crochet💕
Try a social story with pictures. You can use photos from internet or basic line drawings.
This is Snowball. Snowball is a goldfish. Snowball likes the color orange and wishes he could be orange. He doesn’t like being white.
Snowball wasn’t being taken care of and felt sick all of the time.
Poor Snowball! He wished he was orange but he was too sick to turn orange.
OP and her brother rescued Snowball and gave him good water and good food. Snowball started to feel better!
Finally, one day, all of the sickness was gone! Because all of the sickness was gone, Snowball turned orange!
Snowball is happy because he feels better and he is orange! Snowball is glad OP and OP’s brother helped him!
OP’s brother is sad because he likes the color white. It’s ok to be sad. Just remember, Snowball is happy to be orange because he likes the color orange and he feels better!
Rough draft, but you get the idea!
Get him his own ten gal with a white betta?
That’s his cousin…..
Rescuing poorly maintained fish creates a financial incentive to not keep the fish in good shape…. Why bother keeping them healthy if they get bought anyway?