Before you read on, I’ll just say that I have a side business as a professional dominatrix. So this is the business card I shared.
So I’ve been flirting with my mailman for a few years now. I don’t see him all that often. But I’ve been bumping into him more lately as my day job/schedule has changed. I can’t really explain what it is about this guy. He is not traditionally handsome. But my god, he just has that confidence and swagger. I’m into it.
A couple months ago, I found myself in a full blown conversation with him and mentioned all the packages that day being for my business. We were having great banter and frankly, I didn’t realize we had as much in common. It turned from a casual flirt to an actual interest on my part. I wasn’t sure how to really broach the topic in the moment. But I figured I should be upfront about my side gig. So I left him my business card and a post-it that this was the business I was referencing earlier.
Since then, he hasn’t brought it up. It still seems like he flirts with me. I dunno. I think I mostly just found it odd that he never said anything about my being a professional dominatrix.
Fast forward to today:
I work a few minutes from my home. Today I saw (through my ring camera) that he left a note on my door in regard to a package he needed my signature on. I was in the middle of a slow moment at work. So I went home to see if I could catch him before he left, to get my package. I did. But while I was chatting with him, I figured I would just ask.
“Did it freak you out that I left you that sticker?” (My business card is a sticker with my website on it).
“I didn’t know what it was. I had to look it up. I’m not into have my balls stepped on.”
So the basics of the conversation were that he was more traditional. Didn’t really want to be dominated by a woman. Repeated a few times that he didn’t want his balls stepped on. I told him… it’s my business. I’m good at it. It’s different than my personal life. He mentioned knowing I was a freaky chick when he saw me. Then he backtracks it. Nah I’m joking. I just laughed and said well? You’re not wrong.
I walked away kinda bummed because frankly, he seemed like fun. And I did have an actual interest in getting to know more about him on a personal level. I don’t have any expectations of situations like that. It was just a, well shucks that sucks, kinda situation.
So I head back to work and finish out my day. As I’m driving back home I realize… oh shit. I think he thought I was trying to recruit him as a client!! 🤣🤣🤣
The reality is, I know I’m not for everyone. I know my business is a turn off for some people. And all of that is totally fine. I don’t judge even when people judge me. My business is a form of therapy. I don’t sleep with people. It’s all about an exchange of power. Sometimes it’s just allowing trans folk to explore existing as their gender without judgement. I also help people have the conversation with their partners about their desires to explore kink. Or even just teaching women how to orgasm. I don’t have sex with my clients. I just know what I do is looked down on by some. Anytime I have any interest at all in someone, I share my business. Usually by giving them one of my cards.
So… yea. Whether he was flirting with me or is just a friendly human, I don’t have any idea now. But I definitely scared off the sexy mailman by sharing my business card. 🤣
Either way, he for sure thinks I was trying to recruit him as a client. He definitely thinks I was trying to convince him to let me dominate him. I promise you, I wasn’t. It did give me a little giggle when I realized. I also now feel like an absolute predator. I plan to grow a set and tell him flat out next time that I wasn’t trying to convince him to try it. Or try my services.
I need to learn how to better manage these conversations though.
TL;DR: TIFU by giving the sexy mailman I was flirting with my business card.
Comments
He just didn’t want his balls stepped on.
…Why did you give your business card instead of your number?
I think you could have avoided saying anything about it until a couple dates in, had it gotten that far. Lil wild for the first date, 2nd depends on the person. 3rd date feels like the time to bring it up and ask if It’s a deal breaker.
Too soon and you’ll scare them off, too late and they’ll feel manipulated.
It happens though, we all slip up from time to time, or fail to explain something just right.
I would have at the very least invited you out for dinner and drinks because to me you sound interesting. Maybe because I dig freaky chicks!
I’d recommend not giving business cards of that nature to potential relationships that you don’t need monetizing from. After a date or two tell them about the business but that you’re not on the date for business, just that it’s your side job and a part of your life. They’ll decide if they vibe with that and y’all go from there.
If I were flirting with someone and they dropped that, I’d definitely think they just saw me as another wallet like the online models. I met someone who only wanted to meet online through their website, that cost like 10 dollars a minute. It’s different if you’re on a date and do the “I really like you and I see something here, but I have to tell you about my side business” or if you’re just tryina fuck, don’t even say anything about it till they’re coming in and see your whips and shit and then be like “yea that’s my side gig, on the table if you’re into it”
The fact you chose to present yourself as a dominatrix doesn’t add up with you being ‘different’ in your personal life. My guess is your business predominates your ego. You feel more comfortable drawing attention to yourself with it (“how come he didn’t find it interesting?”) than with your ‘different personality’.
Which is fine, no judgement here. But if you feel it was a FU moment, maybe try to flirt by putting your business aside and just be yourself.
You didn’t FU. You were genuinely interested in him and you were considerate enough to be up front with him about what you do for a living so there would be no surprises. This is what good people do.
Unfortunately, some people can’t grasp that for some people their job is not who they are. They go to work, do their thing, and leave work at work when they leave for the day.
You most likely freaked him out. Not because of anything you did, but unconventional stuff like that just freaks some people out.
Best you tell him before anything started up between you two and him bolt now than date him for a couple months, develop feelings for him, and then when you confess your profession he bolts then leaving you heartbroken.
You’re going to need a partner who is open-minded about such things and don’t worry. You’ll find them.