So last night, I took a melatonin gummy and passed out around 10pm. I’ve got a history of mild sleepwalking, usually just ends in me making weird sandwiches or waking up on the couch. No biggie.
Apparently, my neighborhood was hosting a Halloween event: a “zombie survival night.” Think fake blood, torn clothes, and dozens of people pretending to be zombies chasing people with Nerf weapons and flashlights. I had NO idea this was happening.
At around midnight, I apparently woke up, sleepwalked outside (in my pajama pants and socks), saw the chaos, and joined in. My neighbors said I was groaning, limping, and occasionally shouting “BRAINSSS” like it was the role I was born to play.
I woke up mid-sprint chasing a group of teenagers through a cul-de-sac, holding a glow stick someone must’ve handed me. I was sweating, barefoot, and had leaves in my hair. One of them yelled, “This guy’s too into it, bro!!” and I realized something was very wrong.
I tried to casually walk away but someone handed me a bottle of Gatorade and called me “Zombie King.” Turns out I led a group of 15 people through three blocks, screaming and banging on trash cans.
My neighbor uploaded a TikTok titled “Zombie King goes feral — 10/10 performance” and it already has 80k views. I’ve been tagged in three Instagram reels. My mom sent me a link to one of them and asked if I was “okay.”
Anyway, I’ve now locked the door and hidden my melatonin. But also… the power of unhinged confidence is real.
TL;DR: I sleepwalked into a neighborhood zombie event, committed so hard people thought I was a professional, led a horde through suburbia, and became a viral zombie king on TikTok.