Last night my boyfriend and I enjoyed a lovely seafood dinner together. A little too lovely. I was absolutely stuffed to the brim after the kitchen kept sending out dishes for us AND comped all our cocktails. I was so bloated that I barely survived the waddle home. Unfortunately, I did survive and after a couple French 75s I was feeling down to go to poundtown. Things are starting to progress between my bf and I, but I can feel my stomach gurgling in protest. Alas, I know the perfect remedy. A nice bong rip. Half dressed I set up the bong, but we have just got a brand new one, much bigger one. In my horny, happy, half-drunk state I fail to account for this difference and pack the bowl out and rip it. I breathe in as much as my lungs can take, and then some. Immediately I throw up everywhere. It’s thick and goopy and stinks from the sardines, mackerel and oysters we just ate. I turn around to my boyfriend in shock and horror looking for a shred of comfort but instead am met with a look of equal devastation. I immediately begin crying. I look down and realise not only have I managed to vomit on myself, but on my boyfriend’s laptop and my favourite book. I begin crying harder. The moment is gone. The train has skipped pound town and gone straight to misery town. I strip naked and am the most embarrassed I have been in my life. My bf offers weak words of comfort eventually, from a distance. I finished crying in the shower.
TLDR; I took a fat bong rip before sex after a huge dinner and threw up everywhere, instantly killing the mood.
Comments
Tomorrow is a new day
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Ahhh memories. I remember the days of yakking off a bong rip. Welp, life goes on don’t stress on it too much
Hugs. Also-LOL. This will be funny one day. But today, I’m so sorry hahaha
at least you didnt unlock a new kink.
That’s pretty awful, especially the contents. I’m so sorry. I hope you two get some time to recover and cuddle.
That’s life
On the plus side sex while high as fuck is incredible. You can both get totally lost in it and feel so completely connected that you hit absolutely mind blowing orgasms.
Maybe don’t throw a whitey next time though eh 😂
We’ve all been there. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Hope it all works with the BF’s laptop.
I’m so sorry this happened – but I just want to say you have such a way with words, truly poetic
IS THE LAPTOP OK
Look, if something like this this hasn’t ever happened to you then you’re just not doing life right. I mean, I dont think it should be every week type activity but you’re good. Now if you’re like 45 then disregard everything I just said and get your shit together 😆😆
Well heck.
Lord knows I’m not a big fan of hitting giant bong rips or drinking to excess… but I was once you and remember doing stupid stuff plenty, so no judgement there. I will say though, when you get older shitting, pissing or puking on yourself is just something that is going to happen. Welcome to life.
I will say, it’s good to find out early how your partner handles body dysfunction. The two of you won’t be 20 forever. If your partner can handle the occasional accidental vomit, they are a keeper. If not, just wait until hemorrhoids, menopause, pregnancy or IBS comes around.
So you vomited chum on the floor instead of vomiting cum on the floor?
Bad night.
This reminds me of the time I was working at a restaurant I was just a teenager, the customer decided to come in and consume Long Islands after hitting a tavern prior to our restaurant. She proceeded to order the AYCE seafood buffet we served. 2nd or 3rd trip through… she couldn’t keep it down-the Long Island, the beer, and the seafood raw and cooked. Well, she made it to the restroom… Im working like crazy, the place is packed and a couple of the waitstaff stumble into the kitchen. They beg me to help them, I grab the mop bucket to help clean up. I walk in- I have never seen SO MUCH PUKE! IT’s EVERY WHERE in the stall and best (WORST) of all it reeks! I have never smelled such a horrible smell. Absolutely disgusting and life changing if that’s possible. I took a 4way apron and wrapped it around my face to try and clean that up…it was the smell that got me. It took me over 25 years to be able to look at any remotely smelly without starting to gag. My kid’s diapers, the litter box etc. All I can say is you didn’t puke in public and produce the most vile odor I or my co-workers have ever experienced. No one will ever know who you are. In a few hours your post will be just a faint memory to us Redditors.
I don’t know why it sounds like you are “holding it against” your BF (“weak words of comfort”, “from a distance”). He was shocked in the moment too. Men also get really uncomfortable with women crying because it’s hard to know what to do because some women can switch between wanting to be consoled and wanting to be left alone for a bit, and it’s like this russian roulette of a choice (might anger her in the moment if you try to console her).
The safest choice is to wait for her to ask for consoling. Because honestly, he likely doesn’t care about what happened or see it as a big deal, he would probably even make a joke about it if he felt like you had gotten over it. But that’s just me assuming he’s an average guy.
He was likely keeping his distance because there is no clear cut rule book on how men should react when women are crying like that. It just feels really awkward and like a high pressure high tension situation where you aren’t even sure what to do.
Ok.. in the hope that this makes you feel better:
My (now) husband and I had only been dating two months when our first Christmas “together” rolled around. He had spent the night and woke up Christmas morning at my house, and we were in the living room where some friends had arrived for a brunch and gift exchange.
I’m cooking and walking between the kitchen and living room, he’s sitting closest to the front door so he can let people in while I cook. I had walked farther in the room when all of a sudden my gut starts clenching and rolling and I know I’m about to rip what’s sure to be something thunderous and face melting and in my panic, I run for the door that he’s sitting by to get out of the house.
As I pass him, he turns to ask me what’s wrong and it happens. My ass cheeks clap together so many times you’d think we were at a concert. They were loud. They were smelly. They were directly in his face/open mouth.
We’ve been married with kids for forever.
https://preview.redd.it/bby4pjxw3ngf1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56bd06be5b1cded728d633e338a52154dfab3819
You’ll laugh at this in a week
I used to call it ripping your face off when I took to big a hit and coughed my lungs out uncontrollably
Hopefully you’ve on the next train out of misery metropolis by now.
Don’t forget rock bottom has a basement.
The train will come again, I’m sure he will get over it and poundtown awaits.
r/misbakes
> The train has skipped pound town and gone straight to misery town.
Laughed way too loud. Sorry.
Is every post on here AI now
Dont feel to bad my then girlfriend now wife once threw up massive in a bag of newly bought doughnuts. Had a few other things in the bag as well but yeah um no. Straight from store to trash can in less then 10 seconds. Lol. We still laugh about that one
>sardines, mackerel and oysters
Are you a seal by chance?
F in the chat
This is gross… God damn.
Welp now you have to marry him
I one time went to the beach with my ex’s sister and her boyfriend/dealer.
He brings pot brownies.
Mind you I’m starved on the beach, and never did weed much at the time.
So I just devour this god damn brownie. And my ex’s sister and her bfriend are just staring at me in panic/shock.
Well I got that paranoid/fever dream high. And start getting sick feeling. So I called my ex and was like “come get me now”.
He pulls up and I dash to his car, and promptly puke into my own lap. And then said “ahhh, I shit myself!”
My ex while driving “GREAT!” (In a voice that made it clear that he did not in fact find it great.)
I did not shit myself, just the puke was brown from the brownie.
Anyway, tangent but this story reminded me of that. At least my puke didn’t stink. I was told it just smelled like chocolate.
The stinkiest, worst tasting puke I’ve ever had, to where it made me puke more, was onion rings while pregnant.
This will be a hilarious story one day. Don’t sweat it.
You’re good. Shit happens.
Love the story! What are “French 75s”?
Best tip I can give you is to quit the bong. Sucks at first but once you get clean you wonder why tf you ever did that. At least that was the case for me.
Found the reason they say sex first, then dinner.
Sometimes I read a TIFU post and I think to myself “you know what, I don’t think anyone really fucked up here.” But this one? The fuck up was real. I’m so sorry bestie.
Anyone who has participated in a little ganj in their life has done this. Bong rips can absolutely destroy you
Today is fked, go to bed, try again tomorrow
As someone who’s never used one, can someone explain why a bong would make someone throw up?
Sometimes, you does the barfs, other times… the barfs does you…
This is the kind of TIFU i am here for. Devastating in the moment, but no long term damage and pretty funny in retrospect
“The train has skipped Pound Town and gone straight to Misery Town” 🤣
If I let a little puke stop me, I’d never get laid.u have to plow through it!
At least it wasn’t a double bucket situation. Imagine if you’d shit too.
At least you didn’t try to lean over and kiss him. One of my ex’s did that. Oh hell nah.
No guy I know turns down sex on a new day… Maybe have meals afterwards, not before.
the only real fuck up i see from that night that actually matters is your bf’s reaction. i get that most people have a strong aversion to vomit but the person you care about is in a distressing and vulnerable situation, mustering up some empathy in the face of your own discomfort would be much appreciated and go a long way.
personally, imo he failed a pretty important relationship moment there — to be there to support you when you needed him.
Your boyfriend will forget this the next time you guys take a trip to pound town.
You’ll get’m next time tiger.
If he stays with you after this, you know he’s a keeper for life
That is quality, well done
This happened to my girl once when I offered her a dab 😂 wasn’t right before sex or after eating a big meal but she did puke and ran to the bathroom lol I felt bad for her, cause I knew the dab was beating her up while she was cleaning. Anyways, I can’t really blame her for underestimating my baby#2
https://preview.redd.it/xe3e68h6aogf1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9c55a9e14aca6d5d81956a087b6b19641dcd9bbd
The worse day of your life……….. so far.
It happens
How can you tell if they really like you? Hurl. If you blow chunks and they leave it was never meant to be, but if they stay, they’re yours forever. – Wayne.
r/leaves
I’m so sorry this happened, and French 75’s are the bomb
Well……. You didn’t cough so hard you shit yourself. So there’s that.
For real though, if he can’t laugh through this with you, find a better boyfriend. Shit happens. Our bodies are wild and we can’t help it sometimes.
So..no pound town?
Something similar happened to me and my (then) boyfriend. We’ve been married 10 years now and I cry laughing everytime the story gets told. Don’t worry, you will laugh together about this one day. 😅
Wow.
In 10 years of a relationship, I have cleaned up my wife’s vomit 4 times and she has cleaned up mine like 2-3 times (for obvious reasons it’s harder for me to remember the details of mine). It happens. As long as your relationship is otherwise solid, a year from now you’re gonna have a story for your boyfriend to tell at parties to embarrass the hell out of you while you’re all giggling like children. Allow yourself to be mortified for a moment but don’t let it linger.
Did you puke on your stash? If not, that’s a positive thing to take away from this.
It could have been worse!
I used to be a wedding photographer. One bride wanted me to get some post wedding photos of her and her husband drinking wine and smoking a joint in tall grass in a field.
Kinda strange, but OK by me. We settle in and the bride and groom are drinking and smoking away. Out of nowhere the bride throws up red wine all over her wedding dress. The sad part I still remember is that she was crying and wailed “why doesn’t anything ever work out right for me? I thought that was just such a sad feeling to have on such a special day.
Sister 🙌 🫶
Live and learn to pace yourself.
better than throwing up during sex
Gluttony
Tomorrow comes.
OMG LMAO
https://i.redd.it/f2zlhnvnfpgf1.gif
Weed before alcohol you are good to go. The other way around (smoking when you’re already real drunk) often doesn’t go well.
Such a small price for such a great story 👍
You mean we’re smoking dog shit
One time my girlfriend and I were staying in a nice hotel. We went out that night and had dinner, drinks and hit a bar after. Everything was great and we had a wonderful time. We get back to the hotel, we get frisky, take a shower hop into bed, and get some sleep. 4am rolls around and I’m woken up by her rifling through the hotel drawers. I ask her what’s up and she mumbles something about having to pee. I’m really confused and have no idea what she means. She then opens the bottom drawer. Proceeds to squat over it and just straight up piss in it. That’s when I realize oh shit she’s sleep walking! She’s only sleepwalked once in our entire 7 year relationship. This was the second time. I jump right out of bed and try to get her to the restroom but the damage is done. She asks me for TP (lmao) which I bring her and she throws it in the drawer she just pissed in. She goes back to bed none the wiser and I have to sop up her warm pee with hotel towels to clean up her mess she wasn’t even aware she made. Anyways the whole point of this is to say shit happens. You didn’t mean it. Life goes on and it’ll be a really funny story down line.
Face it, you threw up ON Dean Wormer.
Hey at least you finished
What book
Wow, I wanna party w you
LPT: Always go to poundtown before eating at a restaurant, especially if there is a chance of being full.
Choose the pen next time, much less lung involved lol
Seafood vomit is the absolute worst too.
Unfortunate set of circumstances OP!