Story is actually from a year ago, but haunts me to this day.
For context: I [30f] am a lead in my department. So while I don’t supervise anyone, I’m almost-management. We’re WFH, so it’s common for me to get on Zoom calls with coworkers throughout the day.
On this particular day, I was screen sharing with my coworker, Jane [53f]. She happens to notice that as I’m helping her, I’m also responding to various messages and email. She comments on how I’m always doing a thousand things at once.
Here’s where I FU. What I meant to say was, “yeah, I’m a master of multitasking.” Instead, what came out was, “yeah, I’m a master of masterba-.” I stop myself mid-word. I was mortified. If I could have disappeared from this plane of existence I would have.
She starts hysterically laughing, and asks “were you gonna say masturbating?”
Sheepishly, I confess that yes, that’s what I was saying. I tell her don’t know what short-circuited in my brain, and I really meant to say “multitasking”. And I beg her to please not report me to HR for my FU.
She was super cool about it, but I’m still embarrassed to ever see her in person again.
TL;DR: My brain glitched and instead of telling my coworker “I’m the master of multitasking”, I instead said “I’m the master of masturbating.”
Comments
I am, in fact, a master at debating. A master debater, you could say.
You reminded me of this, good times.
Everyone slips up and says dumb shit sometimes. Acknowledge it and move on. If someone keeps bringing it up, set a boundary.
We found the Clit Commander!
You allowed the intrusive thoughts to win
Brain’s autocorrect: multitasking → masturbating. Same thing, right?
[deleted]
I once saw a fishing hat that said “I am a master baiter”
That’s just your classic “two pickets to Titsburg” brain fart. 😆
Don’t sweat it.
As an adolescent, my friend and I were playing Caesars Palace on Super Nintendo. I got blackjack against my friend and loudly yelled “blowjob” instead of blackjack within easy hearing distance of my mother.
You only f uped if you were on the zoom with no pants on.
should’ve said you were quoting kendrick lamar tbh
So you’re a master in the arts of baiting and hooking fish as a side hustle or hobby ? 🤔
A girl in our biology class was getting tired of a big argument and announced “we can’t all sit here just mass debating!”. Didn’t get forgotten quickly.
I asked my boss a few months ago if she could give me some of her oral expertise. It was supposed to be Oracle expertise.
When my daughter was eight years old, I began calling around local swimming facilities for proper swimming lessons.
During one phone call, I was referred to a young lady who sounded very professional and started asking questions about my daughter and things like skill levels, height, weight, etc….I was more than happy to oblige.
One of her questions was “what is her current swimming skill level?”
To which I answered “She can honestly get from one end to the pool to the other but not very efficiently, it’s like a mix of struggling to survive and doggy style……….DOGGY PADDLE! I MEANT DOGGY PADDLE!!!”
And a very awkward five seconds ensued. I did not choose that facility.
I had a girl in my high school who in art class, sat on the desk, closed her eyes and started chanting “oohhhhmmmmm”. The art teacher asked her what she was doing, to which she responded “I’m masterbating!”
https://youtube.com/shorts/kKaeOngTLQ0?si=te-2Wz7wzsreXlGK
I would just follow that up with “masturbating may be the right term with all the jerking off we get from management”.
I am the master of my domain.
atleast she didn’t challenge you to prove it with a duel
If you can’t multitask thinking about fapping while working, then are you really that good at it?
This is just bait, but a pretty good one, you’re a master baiter.
It would be different if she had remained stone faced, but your faux pax was acknowledged and laughed over. Time to let it go!
I had a co-worker years ago who was a horrible speller and refused to use spell check. He once sent out a company-wide email to about 2000 people that started out:
Dear Ladies and Genitalmen
I’ve never seen a human turn so red in my life. After that, he started using spell check.
Not that funny and pretty sad u made this post at 30
That’s the kind of slip that haunts you forever in the shower. At least she laughed and didn’t make it a big deal. Honestly, sounds like you handled it the best way possible owned it, laughed, and moved on.
Imagine what is like to be a great modern masterbaiter in the pro-fishing industry, where you get paid for it.
Kid in biology class in middle school accidentally said testicles instead of tentacles when reading aloud about squid. Good times all around.
I am the master baiter !
I am a decent baiter…
This shit here is why trump wont let us WFH
I used to be a member of a pretty well known cult, the kind that knocks on your door on Saturday mornings.* We had annual conventions, numbers are down now but used to be around the 5-10,000 mark. Famously a speaker was once raving about how Satan was everywhere trying to get you, like an octopus ‘with ten testicles’. He corrected himself to ‘tentacles’, AND THEN RE-CORRECTED HIMSELF AND DOUBLED DOWN WITH ‘I MEAN TESTICLES’. And went on to say ‘testicles’ for the remainder of his talk every time he referred to his illustration.
They’re still laughing about it, you can still find a recording of it on the web.
*I’m ok now, woke up and left, am now a happy atheist
One time I smoked a blunt with my girlfriend and our other friend, then went to the beach a few minute away. Walking in the water near some kids, I go to whisper “those kids don’t know I’m high” but for some reason my brain said out loud “they don’t know I’m Gay!” – over 10 years later they still give me grief about it
High School biology class I remember people repeatedly misreading organism as orgasm.
Don’t worry about it. Brains malfunction.
Sounds like a sign you were supposed to have signed off then to go mast- multi task…
I think everything is fine. You both laughed it off. Continue to stay professional, keep your nose clean, and everything is going to be fine. Keep your sense of humor about it.
Me and my brother were young, watching Mulan. We were singing to the end credit song “True to your heart” but replaced heart with balls for some reason. My aunt was 5 feet away and mortified
maybe, maybe not
Well, are you?
In high school, we had a school counselor named Mr. Bates. One day he was heading an assembly with the mic, and we had recently learned the term “Masters of Ceremony”…..it didn’t take long for his new title to be bestowed on him 😂
You’re queen of the castle!
Damn straight you fucked up. I’m the master of masturbating! You put enough THC, viagra, and LSD or shrooms (not both, I learned the hard way) in me and I can literally go all night. By dawn I had given myself some kind of ahrythmia or tachycardia scare.
well that sht happens sometimes..
guess i was around 15-16, i started smoking a few months back, during dinner i needed salt and i asked my father to gave me ashtray, i remember thinking “wtf did i just say??????” thankfully my mother defuse the situation somehow 😀 guess i was thinking about smoking, i dont know what you were thinking :D:D
In high school drama class another student was teaching us how to meditate. When asked what was happening by the teacher I yelled it’s ok she’s teaching me to masturbate