So this happened two nights ago. My wife and I were watching a movie on the couch, eating leftover steak and fries. She had just taken a big bite and leaned back into me. I was half paying attention to the screen and half scrolling Reddit when I suddenly heard her let out a weird, low moan. Like… a suggestive moan.
Naturally, being the idiot husband I am, I responded in kind. I leaned in and said something along the lines of “Oh, is it that good, baby?” and kissed her neck.
She SLAPPED me. Like, full palm, across my chest.
That’s when I realized she wasn’t moaning. She was CHOKING.
On a piece of steak.
She jumped up, gasping, and stumbled toward the sink, and I completely froze. I stood up, trying to remember what the hell the Heimlich was. By the time I rushed over, she had already coughed the piece out into the sink and was crying and furious and gasping all at once.
I stood there like an idiot, and all I could say was, “I thought you were just into the food.”
She didn’t talk to me for an hour.
TL;DR: Thought my wife was moaning over her steak, responded flirtatiously. Turns out she was choking. Nearly let her die trying to be sexy.
Comments
Typically women.. always giving mixed signals 🫣
The only way out of this hole, is signing up for a first aid course for the both of you.
Glad she’s ok.
Shame about the life insurance payout though /s
Who leaves leftover steak?
I mean choking can still be sexy. I don’t see any problem here
Show her that you’re strongly anti-choking in dining contexts, by framing and posting a Heimlich poster like they have in restaurants.
Teach your wife the international sign for choking.
For what it’s worth, doing nothing is the right choice there, even if it wasn’t a choice made on purpose. Human bodies are very good at removing foreign bodies. Coughing produces more force than the heimlich does, so the rule of thumb is if someone is coughing and attempting to clear their airway themselves, let them. Once someone goes quiet (No sound = No air) and shows weakness, then you should attempt help.
Things like an early heimlich or back patting can actually force foreign objects deeper into the airway and cause more problems. So as much as it might sound, or seem, unhelpful, just monitoring someone and being a presence for them is the best thing you can do in the early stages of choking.
I will also add, if you’re considering first aid training it’s 100% worth it. Places with high numbers of basic first aid trained people actually improve first response effectiveness by very noticeable numbers! And it always feels better to know what to do in an emergency
So it’s too early to say we also chose your dead wife?
Food was good, it was to die for.