This happened last weekend and I’m still cringing into the void about it.
So I matched with this girl on Hinge who seemed way out of my league – like genuinely stunning and had her shit together. We’d been texting for weeks and I was determined not to blow it when we finally met up.
Being the galaxy brain genius I am, I suggested this upscale steakhouse downtown that I’d seen on Instagram. Problem is, I never actually looked at the menu prices. Just assumed it couldn’t be THAT expensive, right? Wrong. So fucking wrong.
We get there and I’m trying to play it cool while internally having a panic attack looking at these prices. $45 steaks, $18 cocktails, $12 for fucking BREAD. My checking account had maybe $200 and I’d already spent $30 on an Uber to get there because my car is currently held together by prayers and duct tape.
She orders wine, appetizers, the works – which is totally normal! But I’m sitting there doing mental math like some kind of deranged accountant, ordering the cheapest thing I can find (a $22 chicken Caesar salad that I pretended was “exactly what I was craving”).
The bill comes to $180. I genuinely considered faking a medical emergency lmao. Instead, I paid it with my credit card while dying inside, knowing I’d have to survive off ramen for the next three weeks.
Plot twist: she offered to split it and I was too embarrassed to say yes. Told her I “had it covered” like some kind of financial chad when I was literally broke.
We actually had a great time and she wants to see me again, but now I’ve set this precedent that I’m some kind of fancy restaurant guy when I usually consider Chipotle a splurge š
TL;DR: Tried to flex with money I don’t have, now eating instant noodles until payday while planning a second date I can’t afford
Comments
There’s no real point pretending to be something you’re not when dating. Be the best version of yourself, sure, but going completely out of character is going to get you found out very quickly and leave the other person feeling lied to.
Hopefully she’ll also laugh about it when you come clean!
honestly if a guy did all this for me and then came clean about it in a funny and self-deprecating way i would just like him even more.
tell her, then invite her for a picnic or a walk somewhere for date 2. do something free, lol.
Plot twist, $45 steaks aren’t even super fancy anymore. That’s like mid-tier at best.
I wanted to check out a new local steak place for my birthday last year, but a damn Sirloin started at $75…
This is upscale, but it can get a lot worse. Consider yourself lucky that you didn’t know how to find the truly expensive places.
Texting for weeks, date went well, she wants to see you again?
She’s interested, the restaurant doesnt matter, don’t overspend again, everything is actually fine. š
Youāre not an outlier and Iām sure plenty people have done this. Chipotle sounds like a great plan for the next date. If she has all her shit together I doubt she will look down on chipotle. If she does, sheās not the person you want to be in a relationship with . She will financially drain you.
Thatās when the old pocket roach makes a surprise entrance
Never lie, and if you do out of panic, come clean as soon as possible.
If a person gets attached to a you that doesn’t exist, they might un-attach when the existing you is revealed.
Better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you ain’t.
Don’t plan for the next date to be expensive, trying to impress someone by spending money you don’t have is a downward spiral that often attracts exactly who you don’t actually want. For the next date suggest a walk and a coffee or ice cream or something. If she likes you she won’t care and will be happy just to hang out, if she’s in it for free meals you’ll find out real quick and then can move on.
I never take a girl out for dinner on the first date. Itās too formal and Iāve met way too many girls tell me they donāt like it either. I also donāt want to spend so much money on a basic first date.
Coffee, a walk, some drinks, or a fun event/party/show I was planning to go to anyways. Thatās a first date.
Dinner dates come later.
I been to fancy steak houses but I also been cooking steaks for years and I prefer my own over 85 dollar steaks. Maybe cook her some food next time ?
A $45 steak is relatively inexpensive, a mid-range price. I thought you were going to say like $120 with a $60 Caesar salad which I wouldāve understood
You only effed up if you insist that you “set precedent.” Honesty is the best policy. Tell her you wanted to splurge on the first date, but you need to keep things simpler for the second — then give some fun cheap options like a picnic in the park. If she’s cool, she’ll understand. If she’s really cool, she’ll insist it’s her turn to pick up the tab.
That could have been way worse mate. You got off lightly with 45 dollar steaks if you picked a fancy restaurant without thinking about prices.
Just communicate, say you made a mistake and didn’t realize the prices were that high and going forward more frugal dates would be best.
Man, I feel for ya. You should have been honest from the get go, cause this could make her think you’re not trustworthy. I had a girlfriend once who when I met her Mom, I took them out for lunch. When the check came my card was declined. I was horrified, I had messed up my checkbook and thought I had money, LOL. It turned out no big deal, embarrassing, yes. That was about 27 years ago and I was in the military. Luckily those days are over, but I still cringe thinking about it. I still keep in touch with the girl and her Mom recently died, but I often wondered if she ever told that horrible story from another perspective. Just be honest and sincere with the girl. If you’re broke, then do better.
Well, if it works out, this is a brilliant wedding story.
You were thinking with the little head and not the big head. Happens all the time.
I know this might seem crazy, and Iām gonna be more than a little reductive to get the point across, but:
Honesty is like crack to women. They absolutely eat it up. You never again have to remember what lies you have in the water. Itās a win win.
Youāre going to have to be honest about that at some point, but why donāt you do something cheap for your next date like walk through the park or rent a canoe?
Yo that’s not expensive bro. That’s a normal steakhouse.
Sounds like you’re fine though. Just tell her and be yourself. Laugh about it.
Uhhh hate to say thatās not even remotely close to an expensive restaurant. Thatās just average anywhere near me these days. Also sounds like you should work on getting your finances up before going on more dates(or you know be honest with your potential future partner instead of lying to them and putting on some charade.)
Young r/hydrohomie
My guy takes her to Longhorn Steakhouse for the $45 steak lol.
this was entirely written by AI, if you guys couldn’t tell
Tell her the truth! If she’s as awesome as she seems, she’ll appreciate the fact that you were trying to impress, but that you really value living within your means. If she doesn’t, then it’s a good sign to not invest further in the relationship.
Those prices are normal in every restaurant right now. Hope you tipped.
One time I took my ex to this fancy steakhouse and the waiter fucked my wallet up when we asked him what wine he recommended without no mention of the price. This was the first red flag I missed. My GF (at the time) drank it up and commented about how good it tasted, she ordered a second glass.
When we got the bill and saw $215 per glass, it was confirmed this was not a mistake.
“upscale steakhouse” and “Just assumed it couldn’t be THAT expensive” is hilarious.
Not trying to be a dick, but have you ever been to a steakhouse before? $45 is actually not that bad. I went to Logans Steakhouse (US/CA whatever chain steak restaurant) and the cheapest steak they had was $38.
$180 for two people at a steakhouse??? You got off easy
Go for something low key for round 2 then.
It’s adorable though what others will do to impress someone.
Help your wallet and level set expectations by making the second date what I’d refer to as an ice cream date. Goal being get some ice cream before or after you go on a walk/small hike. Gives you another chance to talk with each other more to get to know one another and doesn’t cost you more than the price of two ice creams. Plus there’s a finite start/finish time frame with both activities so you have a chance to end on a high note leaving the opportunity for a third date open.
I’m with the be honest about it, laugh about it with her, and go for picnic in a beautiful parc or place for round 2
Shell understand you csnt do that every time, but you’re willing to give her you’re everything, loyalty and honesty.
That shit sexy. Don’t play games about it. Don’t front further. Just bring her in on the good vibes
See her again but come clean. You may lose her, or maybe find a gem in her. Either way don’t lose the lesson.
I spent my entire paycheck on a first date in a very similar situation and we have been together for 10 years now. She loves telling the story to new friends.
Be honest with her! You’ll both be laughing about it soon.
If they aren’t impressed with you at a local place that’s reasonably priced they won’t be impressed by you otherwise.
Wow. I read this and thought, “damn, that’s cheap”.
Sorry OP, I live in SF. Glad that you had a good time.
A coffee date should have been sufficient if thereās real interest in her part. Start low with gradual increments.
Don’t overthink it! She wants to see you again, you haven’t set a precedent, she offered to split the bill and it doesn’t sound like she’s just in it for another free steak dinner. For your next date choose somewhere much cheaper that’s “really authentic” or has some other selling point but shows some thought and effort. And practice saying YES when she offers to split the bill this time!Ā
At least you got lucky that it wasn’t an actually expensive steakhouse!
Come clean now or it gets worse. It’s the only option. She wants a real dude and the real you, not a pretend one.
You got lucky, those prices are actually really good for an upscale steakhouse. Most of the places around here would start at like 60 or 70 bucks for a steak.
Those prices seem pretty normal for a steakhouse in a medium to high COL locations. Thought of them being high wouldn’t even cross my mind. What were you expecting the steak prices to be? Also, if you only have $200, why wouldn’t you find a fancy coffee place or something? What was your plan if she was impressed? Tell her you are flat broke now? Hope she is empathetic and pays for all of your shit all the time? Maybe find someone to date in your salary range and pay grade.
Sure, you may have overspent, but on the bright side, sheās interested. Definitely come clean and say youād like to do something a little more down to earth like a picnic at the park. If sheās comfortable with it, maybe cook dinner together and enjoy just hanging out without the fancy atmosphere. My first date with my now husband of almost 10 years was watching an MMA match at hooters.
You are supposed to take the money out of the homeless persons cup to pay for the ice cream after.Ā
If sheās a cool girl (which it sounds like she is) she would think this is an adorable story.
I would come clean during the 2nd date and youāll both have a good laugh.
Do a date at your place and make her a nice dinner cheaper then a date no uber cost for you and she might even spend the night
The best thing you can do is be yourself and be honest. Trust me, women will appreciate that a whole lot more than someone who presents himself as someone he is not.
Dude, why not coffee? If someone genuinely likes you than it wonāt matter what the first date was.Ā
Wrecked a girls car on a ride home from a (2nd) date.
We ended up dating for a long time.
I mean most normal, non-fancy steak places I eat at the steaks cost at least $30-$35. $45 isnāt fancy steak pricing at all.
“hey i thought you were special and splurged a lot that day, and i was right, you are worth it, but for the forseeable future, how do you feel about sunsets and walking in the park?”
actually sounds pretty reasonable. My wife and I do our monthly date nights when my mom takes the kiddo. I normally spend 350-450 on dinner. That’s drinks, apps, main, and dessert
Do something more normal for you next time! You made the first impression, time to get real. Maybe you can enjoy cooking together at home or going for a walk at a park or to the library together. There are lots of free and low-cost things you can do more frequently than the Big Steakhouse Date. You considered that to be a special occasion because you liked her so much. Itās okay to be vulnerable with a partnerā and yeah, youāre feeling anxious so having the courage to calmly dial back the āeverydayā date budget and keeping splurges for celebratory moments like a first date with someone youāre thrilled to get to know better shows her both that you valued the date enough to go beyond your usual means and that youāre responsible with your everyday spending. That shows what a long-term relationship with you will actually be like day-to-day, and is straightforward compared to trying to present an image that isnāt sustainable.
That’s an expensive lesson to learn to check out the menu before suggesting restaurants. It’s best to select a couple and then offer her a choice or ask her if she’d prefer Chinese or Italian or whatever and then select a place.
Maybe suggest an outdoor activity (morning hike, run, bike ride, etc) or a free event like an art opening/museum that y’all do and then get breakfast, lunch, snack or food truck meal afterwards. One thing I used to love to do is see Shakespeare in the Park and bring a picnic dinner.
You might have set a high bar but only time will tell on future dates. Hopefully, things will work out and then months later you can tell her the story of the time you had to live on ramen for 3 weeks. š
In my humble opinion, the best thing to do is to come clean about it and say the truth. If she’s really meant for you she will laugh it out. Easy peasy
if you really like this chick, you should come clean with her. if shes a cool chick, she will laugh it off and you will probably get married. if she has a negative reaction, well you just saved yourself.
be honest with her. I’d be flattered that you were willing to do that for me if I were her.
For someone who id consider “poor” (only 200 dollar saving, beat down car, considers Chipotle as splurging) im pretty shocked you picked a place but didn’t check the prices
If i was living like this I’d triple check prices before going
Best to come clean and tell her what happened. Will learn if she’s the kind of person you want to date or not. Better to dodge the bullet then live a lie.
Dude, you handled it like a champ. Good job.
But get ahead of this. I’ve been in your financial situation where that kind of meal seems outrageously expensive, but it can become the norm pretty fucking easily.
‘Fess up, take her out again for some good, cheap tacos. Find a truck, forget Chipotle.
30 years from now when you’re married with adult children, a $180 dinner will feel cheap.
Street tacos my man
Those are down right reasonable prices for a steak house. What did you think a steak costs?
Start learning to cook really fast.
the fact that she offered to split the bill is a good sign
Thatās expensive? Buddy youāre BROKE broke.
Be honest. Tell her you like her but that meal was beyond your typical budget. But luckily itās summer, free outdoor concerts, craft fairs, movies in the park, hiking tripsā¦ lots to do where it makes sense to bring your own snacks.
Edit: in all honestly, she probably already knows and thatās part of the reason she offered to pay half.
You really need to date with in your budget or let her know that this was a splurge. She may be used to that or assume youāre used to that, then when you drastically dial back thereās confusion/upset.
Fuck this hits different. The same thing happened to me except I got my light shut off and I didnāt even ask the girl to be my girlfriend. My next meal was a Wendyās 4 for 4 lol
Bro, pretty much all guys have done this. But, you now see the caveat; It’s not sustainable, unless you’re only going to see this girl every six weeks and spend all your money on that.
Invite her out again, this time planning a much smaller date. When the time seems right (maybe even after the date is over) explain your situation. She sounds cool so, it probably will work out fine. If she starts screening your calls after that, at least you got out early.
You didn’t set yourself up as an upscale restaurant guy. Totally normal to go to a place like that for a 1st date and then cheaper places after.
I’m pretty sure that you are not the first š¤£ that “Galaxy brain” thing is a myth. It was your hormones taking over the wheel š
That’s kinda cute tbh.
This is what happened to Jack and Rebecca on This is US, but I think he only had $12.
second date is a walk in the park, maybe get some ice cream and back to chill with netflix.
Next time a nice lunch at a nice place should have less pressure for both parties.
she offered to split the bill so she clearly isn’t looking for you to support her financially, you should come clean while it’s still funny and innocent. don’t try to keep up the facade, it won’t end well.
Took the missus out for a nice dinner. Had a market steak 180 dollars..60 Ounces.
And that wasn’t exactly fine dining, but was for me lol.
Time to fess up, she might enjoy the effort
At the end of the day, it’s money.
If she had a good time, and you enjoyed her company, it was worth it. You can always make it back. It’s not like you lost your entire life savings. Sure, a few paychecks may need to catch up again.
I’d say the bigger FU is why you’re in that financial situation to begin with. If $200 puts you in dire straights for a month… what does anything else do? What happens when you need new brakes or tires, or an actual medical emergency?
Best thing to do is to not let the precedent carry on; if you don’t double down on it, the precedent you’ve set is that you get a little spendy around special occasions, which is fine – even if it’s perceived as a little weird to class a first date as such an occasion, whereas if you try to maintain it, when it blows up on you later, you just look like a financial liability.
Next date will be a romantic stroll through an nice free park. At least you get a next date!
You got dinner and the “get to know you” job interview out of the way.
Now figure out some unique and cheap experiences you can enjoy together. Nothing creates bonds faster than shared experiences. Something you can both look back on and say “remember that time when”
Honesty, my dude.
Tell her exactly this post. Odds are she’ll find it either adorable or disgusting, and if it’s the latter, fuck’er
Tell her you were trying to impress her. She will probably be so flattered that she will know you really like her. She offered to split the bill, that’s cool because she knows it’s pricy and probably thinks you spent too much. Just tell her.
Next date, be creative… hike or beach walk or movie followed by an ice cream somewhere. Real worthy woman love that sort of thing.
Remember… Sweets! Women love cake and candy and ice cream.
Set up a new date for a fun activity or meet for coffee or something. Nothing expensive. You donāt need to pay a lot of money to have a good time with each other.
Tell her the truth that the dinner you guys had was fun but way out of your budget and you donāt think you can do another meal like that anytime soon. DO NOT ask for money for the dinner even if she offers again. You had your chance to split and said no. Just chalk it up as a laughable mistake and move on
Just be honest. Saying you were trying to impress her, you enjoyed the steakhouse, but itās not really in your price range currently. A valuable person would understand.
Two mistakes:
First one is a fancy date for the first meeting. Should be casual, too much risk she isnt who she says she is or you have ZERO chemistry. Its not even about the money, I wouldnt want to be stuck at a dinner with someone I dont like.
Second is lying, be honest about your reality, otherwise youre just wasting money as you wont be able to eventually keep up.
Do a hike ? A picnic ? Something that doesnt require money? If the feeling is her just tell her the truth
Typically when a girl says let’s split it, she isn’t that interested and it’s a courtesy because won’t be returning the favor by covering a later date.Ā
Dude take her out again, go to a normal bar or even a dive bar, play some games and straight up tell her the story. Sheāll either appreciate it or dip, either way youāll know quick where she stands with you.
Just share the truth with her, 100%.
If she’s a materialistic person, you literally don’t have the budget to string her along (nor should you).
If she’s a sincere person who appreciates your gesture, she will understand and laugh it off with you, and be happy to enjoy a picnic with you in the park.
You don’t have to impress the good ones, just be you and treat her like a princess every moment you are with her. If that doesn’t work for her, find someone better.
She actually offers to split the bill after being invited to a fancy restaurant – huge green flag! The data alone was worth the investment you made.
Those prices aren’t really out of line for fancy dining…except that that $12 bread had better be made from 5x hand-sifted Italian semolina baked in a Sicilian’s womb
Damn, $45 steak? Whereād you take her, Sizzler?
You are whatās wrong with people who go out to restaurants
$45 bucks for a steak is actually on the cheaper side for a steakhouse brother.
Of course it’s AI
Lmao calling $45 steaks upscale. I ate $90 steaks before š¤£
$45 steaks at a steakhouse? hoo boy, I feel like you lucked out a bit. Really nice places can run you well over $70-100 for some cuts.
I am in need of a kidney, will pay top dollar. This way you get to keep impressing the girl and I get to live. It’s a win-win! Just kidding.
Real advice now. She offered to split. Either she is fair or she noticed your reaction to the check. Take her to Chipotle on the next date and continue to do budget dates. If she is cool with it then you’ve got a good woman. If she balks and complains that you aren’t spending more on here then it is a lesson learned. BUT, I have a strong feeling she will be cool.
Can you cook? Because this is as big a turn on for woman as an expensive restaurant. Making a meal for someone is a sign that a man knows how to do ācaretaking.ā With your budget, find a good recipe and practice it. Then, invite her to a home cooked meal.Ā
Other option: evening picnic at a beautiful vista. Buy or make great sandwiches, or Chinese food or whatever cuisine is her favorite. Take her to some great lookout point or an outdoor free concert in your town.Ā
If you have to budget, she needs to know this but your job will be to find unique places for dates and providing homemade food or inexpensive hot meals & to always make the venue Ā interesting. My arboretum has summer concerts in the evenings. My city has movie night in a town square and they have free concerts at a small downtown park.Ā
These are things a woman would love.Ā
Ā
Invite her over and cook for her. Not your best ramen and hot dogs but something you are able to cook well.
Plan a few romantic low cost dates. Romance is not price-dependent. One of my favorite things to do is a free movie on the lawn. Happens weekly during the milder months. Throw down a blanket or some low-down beach chairs. Bring a bag of popcorn or whatever snacks. Maybe a bottle of wine.
$20-30 all in. Go for tacos or split a burger and fries after if youāre still hungry, or maybe a night cap at the chill bar afterwards. $40-50 all in.
Or how about a nice picnic with just like Chinese takeout? Citronella candles keep the flies away. Pick a food that wonāt turn to mush on the way. Or order uber eats to the spot and meet the driver on the road.
Find somewhere with a nice view & plan a few convo starter topics. Get to know each other better.
Even better – can you cook? Learn, practice, and perfect a recipe. Cook for her! The more thought you put into it, the better the outcome will be Iām betting.
Dude, Uber embarassing story time – in high school I took a girl on a date and had to have my dad show up with a credit card because I thought I had enough and didnāt. We dated for a while after but Iāll never forget thatā¦ youāll be okay, learn and move on and enjoy the ramen lol
Classic overreach, but salvageable! Suggest a chill date next.