So this week I had the bright idea to do something wholesome, or at least I thought. I reached out to my baby’s mom to see if there was any chance of talking to my son. I haven’t seen or heard from him in about a decade, and while I know that bridge might be ashes, I figured… eh, maybe toss a respectful message and see what happens.
Sent a very normal, non-creepy, non-flirty message:
“Hey, I’m sorry to reach out of nowhere. But I’ve been thinking of our son and was curious if you could just tell him I’m wondering about him. You don’t owe me anything, and you don’t have to—but I figured I’d try.”
Before I can even process what just happened, I call my dad to let him know I reached out. He goes,
“Yeah, I know. She already told me.”
I’m like WHAT? Sir, I literally just hit send.
Boom. Ten minutes later, it’s Real Housewives drama. She was texting my dad and my wife to let them know I’m “trying to get back with her.”
Not trying to see my kid. Not trying to reconnect with my son. Nope. I guess I’m out here trying to resurrect a dead relationship via one polite text.
Now I’m just sitting there, stunned, realizing I opened a portal to 2010 drama by daring to send one message. I didn’t even get left on read, I got turned into a news headline. And now I’m thinking, “If my dad already knows, this is gonna be a fun conversation with the wife.”
Anyway, I stopped texting. My wife’s well a ginger. So, yeah… My dad thinks it’s hilarious. And me? I’ve decided to go back to quietly eating chips and emotionally repressing things like a responsible adult.
Moral of the story: Always wear your jimmy hat, folks. Some situations last way longer than the orgasm that caused them.
… I was going to respond to some of you guys. But, I don’t want to be that thirsty bitch begging for attention in every comment. Some of you guys are funny I like it. I got thick skin you ain’t gonna hurt me.
He’s 20 now lol not 10 but doesn’t change anything… okay just so it’s transparent. I texted the number I had for him like once a month over and over. Would be like hey it’s your dad hope everything is okay if you want to talk even if it’s to say what a piece of shit I am I’d like to hear from you. So after about 6 months….. I texted her.
TL;DR: Tried to reach out to my son after 10 years. His mom immediately told my dad and wife I was trying to get back with her. I got blindsided with drama faster than the message could deliver. Never again. Wear your jimmy hat.
Comments
Maybe should have told your wife you were planning to reach out, but that’s about all you could have done. Sounds like your ex has been waiting for this chance since whenever you broke up. Good luck, OP- and work on being a better father. Seriously.
We know nothing of the circumstances surrounding the estrangement.
Asking permission from his wife is ridiculous; which is what you’re saying. If OP has a son with someone else, it’s literally none of his current wife’s concern.
Anyone who reads his text, if he told us verbatim, would know he was trying to get through to his son.
Wanting to reconnect sounds lovely, but again, we know absolutely nothing about the situation. I do know that asking the baby mama won’t get him anywhere. If the son is a minor, it may be a court issue. With luck, a conversation with the kid’s school, to hopefully find an adult who would advocate for the child, in case he wants to reconnect, would be optimal.
The kid is now a full blown teen. He’s old enough to make this decision for himself. If I were OP, I’d consult a family lawyer to see how best to approach the kid without freaking him out.
Sounds like your son is probably better off without you if this is how you go about reconnecting after a decade of being an absent father.
You could have done worse, a friend of mine, in his 30’s, had a drunk guy turn up at his house one Saturday morning, turned out it was his father. Another lady I knew had her nephew receive a drunk call in Russian, who turned out to be his father (he worked on fishing boats, we’re in New Zealand).
There is nothing wrong with trying to fix past mistakes. The problem is when we do it while in a state 😁. We’ve all made the 3am bootie call, you sent a here’s your daddy text.