TIFU by using a vibrating butt plug during a work Zoom call and forgetting it was Bluetooth-controlled

So this actually happened yesterday, and I’m still trying to spiritually recover.

I bought one of those “discreet” Bluetooth-controlled vibrating plugs as a spicy surprise for my partner. You can connect it to your phone and control the intensity or even sync it to music. (Yes, that exists. Humanity is peaking.)

My partner was at work, but I decided to “test” it out during my own work-from-home day. All was well—quiet house, good coffee, mild buzz in the background (both caffeinated and otherwise).

Then I got dragged into a last-minute Zoom meeting with my team, including my manager, director, and the HR lady. I figured I’d just mute, keep my camera on, and sit real still. No big deal.

Then my partner decided to mess with me.

Somehow, they remembered the device was still connected. From their office across town, they started cranking it. Not just casual-level buzzing. I’m talking “bass drop at a Skrillex concert” levels of vibration.
I froze.
I tried to stay composed. Just nodded politely on Zoom while my soul left my body and I questioned every life choice that got me here.

Worst part? Someone asked me a question.

I squeaked. I don’t know how to describe the sound I made. A sort of startled mouse in a blender? Followed by an “uhh yeah, totally agree with… the thing.”
After the meeting ended, I texted my partner “WHAT THE HELL” and he just replied:
“Sorry babe, but the drop in Sandstorm was too good to waste.”

TL;DR: Decided to wear a Bluetooth-controlled butt plug during work-from-home. Partner synced it to a rave song during a Zoom meeting with my boss. I may never make eye contact with HR again.