TIFU by using my gf’s favorite nipple clamps to fix my car.

r/

TIFU by using my gf’s favorite nipple clamps to fix my car.

I’m a car guy, so a while back when my girlfriend’s Volvo was having some issues with the brakes, I wanted to help fix it for her. I wound up buying a pair of hose pincher clamps (guys I swear this is not an ad, I just wanted to link to an image so you can see what I’m talking about) at AutoZone, but didn’t end up needing to use them at the time. That evening, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, when, with the hose pinchers sitting on my desk and still in the packaging, I realized they’d be great nipple clamps. Fast forward more than two years, and we’ve gotten a lot of use out of them. They’re one of her favorite toys in the bedroom. She loves the weight and how the tightness can be adjusted.

A couple of days ago, I told her I’d be replacing the brake hoses on my Merkur, and she asked if I’d finally need to use the nipple clamps for their original purpose. I said, I might, and she said I could, if I really needed to. Well, needless to say, I took that as a yes, and I did use them to pinch the brake hoses and prevent too much brake fluid from escaping while I disconnected the lower ends of the old hoses and installed the new hoses.
Tonight, we were sorting through our sex toy collection doing some organizing, and she asks me where her favorite nipple clamps are. I told her that I had used them on the car, and they were sitting in the trunk with some other parts and tools.

She was very upset by this. Think, like, a small child when you tell them that you donated their favorite article of clothing to Goodwill because they don’t fit it anymore. She was inconsolable, absolutely heartbroken, that I’d used her favorite nipple clamps to fix the car and she’d never get them back again. I tried to comfort her, but to no avail. As I write this, she’s still moping about it. I am going to head to AutoZone first thing tomorrow morning to get another set.

Update:
I posted this right after it happened, and 20 minutes later, she was back to doing some work on her laptop, and apologized to me for getting so emotional over this, so this turned out to be not as big a deal as initially thought. The last few days have been very stressful and emotional for the both of us, for unrelated reasons, so this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back for her. I went to the parts store and bought another set, and I brought the set I had used back inside and cleaned them. We’re all good now.

TL;DR
I used my gf’s favorite nipple clamps as the automotive tool they were originally meant to be and made her incredibly distraught.

Comments

  1. wasted-degrees Avatar

    At least they weren’t jumper cables.

  2. dadarkgtprince Avatar

    In the two years you’ve been using them in the bedroom, you should’ve bought new ones… Definitely a FU

  3. omgitsabear Avatar

    Well, I hope she puts the brakes on that thing you like the most.

  4. HumanNipple Avatar

    “These make my GF really happy and horny. Let me put them on my broken car instead.” You’re never going to live this down. Major TIFU hahaha.

  5. jtapostate Avatar

    at least they weren’t jumper cables

  6. Gavilian Avatar

    Yeah… You didn’t… Clamp your rubber steel braided brake lines… Right… Cus that’s bit more of a expensive fu then new nipple clamps..

  7. ChefArtorias Avatar

    Why the meltdown? Just buy a new set or clean them.

  8. DhamR Avatar

    There you go, both your potential fluid leaks are now solved.

  9. 40ouncesandamule Avatar

    Damn, I understand why she was hurt.

    I don’t think minimizing her feelings or likening her to a child is a smart move if you value this relationship. You knew how much she enjoyed using this sex toy with you and rather than going to AutoZone, you decided to ruin them and the ability for the two of you to engage in this type of intimacy. How would you feel if she destroyed something precious to you for her convenience? How would you feel if she destroyed a symbol of your intimacy because it was slightly more convenient than not slapping you in the face? How would you feel if once you couldn’t hide how bad she hurt you, she likened you to a child and bought you a “shut up” replacement that has none of the sentimental value?

    You just told her through your actions that she’s not worth the time and effort to drive to AutoZone. No wonder she’s “inconsolable, absolutely heartbroken”. You told her how much you don’t care about her.

  10. mrmerkur Avatar

    You are the second person i’ve seen mention a Merkur on Reddit today, and while it’s not alot, it’s weird it’s happened twice.

  11. prot34n Avatar

    Amazon is suddenly out of stock! You should request a percentage for the sales pitch.

  12. mr_jogurt Avatar

    Alright.. thats enough reddit for now..

  13. dylanfrye Avatar

    girl agrees to thing, guy does thing, girl mad guy did thing she agreed to, am I missing something. Can’t you just clean them off and use them for whatever you want? lmao this is so blown out of proportion

  14. rh1n0c3r0s Avatar

    This is the strangest stealth marketing campaign I’ve ever seen

  15. PigsOfRedemption Avatar

    Rookie mistake.

    If she ever says “You can do (x) if you really need to.” You can bet your ass she means “FUCK NO, but I’m trying not to sound controlling.”

  16. Realfinney Avatar

    “Yes…if you really need to” AKA “don’t”.

  17. mudfud27 Avatar

    Can’t believe you left out the most important part of the story:

    XR4Ti or Scorpio?

    (Maybe worth it if it’s a decent XR with a manual transmission…)

  18. The_RealAnim8me2 Avatar

    Dude. If you can use the phrase “girlfriends favorite nipple clamps”, you don’t fuck that up!

  19. VirtuosoLoki Avatar

    have you gotten it already?

  20. ExtremeFamous7699 Avatar

    Them things look too blocky, like you could do some damage on one of the corners.

  21. crusty54 Avatar

    This is a good post, and you should feel good.

  22. random-guy-here Avatar

    Take her with you so she can try them on to get the best fit. The guys at AutoZone won’t mind a bit and may have some recommendations.

  23. frogsareneat82 Avatar

    This post is worthless without pics of their intended usage. 😃

  24. rukarrn Avatar

    these amazon ads are getting out of control

  25. Zimlack Avatar

    Further proof you can’t not be specific when it comes to telling a man anything.

    Be direct. Don’t want him to use your nip clamps for brake line clamps, say so. Not vague…if you need to….

    Men…Taking things at face value, since the beginning of time….

  26. RedNeckPizzaMan Avatar

    Heading to AutoZone for some sex toys. I would love to be the guy at teh register when you come thru. (I used to work at AZ as a parts delivery during COVID)

  27. fausto400 Avatar

    I wanna know if the clamps were out of stock on Amazon before or after this post

  28. Chefmeatball Avatar

    Get in the zone, auto erotic zone!

  29. Think-Corgi-4655 Avatar

    Are you dating a 5 year old?

  30. Specialist_Object135 Avatar

    My favourite part of this is now product in the link is out of stock.

  31. Sydrid Avatar

    r/brandnewsentence

  32. inaqbus Avatar

    I guess I’m still not awake since I read “Horse Pincher Clamps” and expected something a bit more robust when I followed that link.

  33. zane910 Avatar

    This whole post had me at “using my gf’s favorite nipple clamps”.

  34. philiplefty Avatar

    I know this isn’t a ad but… Could we please get a brand name on those nipple clamps?

  35. Subtleabuse Avatar

    >bought another set

    Use all 4 of them to make up for it

  36. genericmediocrename Avatar

    But can’t you just…go get them from the trunk? Am I missing something here?

  37. NomadMiner Avatar

    Damn, Sold out

  38. Bithlord Avatar

    She really said not the sacred clamps 😭 honestly tho this is peak chaotic couple energy

  39. Slammogram Avatar

    Uh huh. Sure, Jan.

  40. Hehector2005 Avatar

    I don’t understand, she gave you the go-ahead and you fucked up? Was she bluffing?

  41. RaymondLeggs Avatar

    Visit a sex-shop

  42. SFanatic Avatar

    Ai slop story

  43. IsThisTheOnButton Avatar

    I also choose this guy’s girlfriend.

  44. RoninChaos Avatar

    … you bought nipple clamps at auto zone? They must not have that section at my local one.

  45. Intelligent-Guess-81 Avatar

    Wait… Why did you bring the old ones inside for cleaning!? Those stay on the car, the NEW ones go on the GF.

  46. thefrostyafterburn Avatar

    Nipple clamp issues aside, props for being masochistic enough to own and maintain a Merkur.

  47. ImCaffeinated_Chris Avatar

    Sales of hose pinchers suddenly go thru the roof.

  48. shroedingersdog Avatar

    just wait till you see what a 2 inch trailer ball is good for .

  49. VelvetTraill Avatar

    Oops, nipple clamps to car fix buy new ones quick!

  50. Voyager87 Avatar

    I keep wanting to use the suction cup on a dildo to pull a dent in the car but my partner won’t let me.

  51. Shadow166 Avatar

    This is the strangest and best advert for AutoZone clamps I’ve ever read

  52. kaluh_glarski Avatar

    A Merkur? Damn don’t see many of those anymore, what kind?

  53. HiPwrBBQ Avatar

    The real lesson here is as we get older and more tuned in to our S/O you see when their stressors starts to stack up. You learn to help manage things for them and not be the one that sends them over the edge. I’ve got 20 years of experience and still miss the mark here and there.

  54. EnderScout_77 Avatar

    shes asked…you did it…and she got upset?

    what?

  55. Zoe_Bulbs Avatar

    Don’t mess with a lady’s toys 🤭

  56. Ionlydateteachers Avatar

    Kudos for having and maintaining the Merkur. I was always so intrigued by those when I was a teenager, and even moreso as an adult.

  57. Leviathon6348 Avatar

    Next time. Just use a vice grip with some sort of rubber on the teeth. Crack the bleeder tighten it till it stops leaking DO NOT CRUSH IT FULLY there’s steel woven in there and if you pinch it you’ll need a new hose! Then leave the nipple clamps alone

  58. Thee_Sinner Avatar

    Woman: Tells man thing is ok to do

    Man: does thing

    Woman:

    Internet: “Its the man’s fault for not listening”

  59. mrzurkonandfriends Avatar

    Wait, why did you clean the set you used on the car and bring it inside instead of just using the new ones inside?

  60. WretchedMotorcade Avatar

    Hey man as a fellow Merkur owner nothing comes between me and my XR4ti

  61. StrangeMode Avatar

    Like, ngl if my partner did this that would be my last straw 😅

  62. Kawawete Avatar

    I’m atheist and I suggest you to seek god

  63. gt500rr Avatar

    You got an XR4TI OP?

  64. Sidewaysgts Avatar

    Merkur? XR4TI?

  65. filthymcbastard Avatar

    Simple solution: Give up two pair of Vise Grips as a sacrifice.

  66. PervertedPineapple Avatar

    One of the few things my oblivious and idiotic butt has learned with my short experience in relationships.

    Folks can get attached to toys and that’s not a bad thing.

    If anything, you were able to get something your partner enjoyed. Maybe in the future, get a dedicated set for her and/or have a rule that once it’s used intimately, it can’t be used for anything else.

    Sincerely, a fool that used partner’s toys on trigger points, voice changer on chat and once, to pretend to be a unicorn. Painfully lessons learned.

  67. CX500C Avatar

    These do not look comfortable at all.

  68. seanc6441 Avatar

    She’ll live.