Last night my boyfriend of several years brought up marriage in a serious way for the first time, saying he could see us getting married soon, maybe next year. Instead of calmly explaining I wasn’t ready for that conversation, I panicked and snapped at him, yelling that he was pressuring and blindsiding me. The hurt on his face was immediate like he’d just opened up about something important and I completely shut him down. He wasn’t proposing or giving ultimatums, just sharing where he saw us going. But my brain instantly went to all the overwhelming aspects of marriage – family expectations, finances, legal stuff like prenups – and instead of explaining that I lashed out. We’ve been together for years like we live together we share bills and have met each other’s families. We talk about the future all the time just never marriage this directly. I do love him and want a future with him, but I wasn’t mentally prepared for that moment and handled it terribly. Now things are tense and I don’t know how to fix this without sounding defensive. I turned what could have been a meaningful conversation into a fight and hurt someone I care about. I really messed up.
TL;DR: My boyfriend brought up marriage seriously for the first time and instead of calmly discussing it I panicked and yelled at him that he was pressuring me. I hurt him badly and turned what could have been a meaningful conversation into a fight.
TIFU by yelling at my boyfriend when he brought up marriage before I felt ready
r/tifu
Comments
Literally just show him this post
Apologize and explain what happened.
If you literally just explain it to him like you explained it here and add in an apology you’ll be fine
Apologize?
One idea is to write it down. That way your thoughts are fully formed and coherent, and avoids you blurting the wrong thing out. But first and foremost, it seems an apology is necessary.
You can try showing him this post. But also, he might have dodged a bullet.
Just say all the things in this post and apologize. If you’re truly meant for each other, he’ll accept it wholeheartedly. If not, perhaps one or both of you are dodging a bullet.
Girl, he is GONE. Not today, not this month, but he just changed direction in life and there is no turning back. Might as well just rip off the bandaid at this point.
If you’re afraid that speaking to him will cause another fight due to your anxiety response, write him a letter. Take your time, and make at least a couple drafts. The first draft is purely to word vomit your feelings. Then you take a break, come back to read what you wrote, and edit it to be less defensive. Also make sure what you write explains that you understand what you did hurt, and that was never your intention. Apologize, and leave the conversation open for him to read it and digest it.
Well, you should apologise and explain to him as soon as possible. He might take it as a serious red flag if you don’t.