I saw all the videos in health class in middle school and high school, but I don’t think it quite prepares you for the actual…. Moment.
Also side note, hate me in the comments if you want, most newborns look like little wicked aliens to me until after the first few days. They’re cute, but not immediately.
After hours of excruciating labor and complications with the medicine and dilation, the decision was made to go ahead and do a C-section. They took my wife to prep her in the OR. A nurse got me all gowned up and escorted me in. I sat at the head of the table comforting my wife while the doctors worked on the other side of the curtain.
Finally it was time… The doctor asked, “Dad do you want to stand up and see your son?” I was so excited and naively unprepared for what I was about to witness…
I stood and the next 5 seconds were the longest of my life. They still had the big mouth bass fish ring opening her stomach. My eyes followed around my wife’s intestines until I realized it was the umbilical cord, with a color and veins I can’t describe. Then I saw my son. My baby boy was all grayish blue, still covered and dripping in amniotic “cheese.”
First words out of my mouth??
“IT’S A GREMLIN!!!”
The whole O.R. busts out laughing except the charge nurse. She got little man all cleaned off and brought him to Mom and set him on her chest while saying, “You’re definitely going to be a mama’s boy. She knows you’re a sweet baby not a evil gremlin.”
TL;DR took one look at my son after C-section and screamed “it’s a gremlin!” In the middle of an O.R. full of doctors. And yes, wife divorced me a year and a half later.
Comments
Oof, sorry man. 😂 That sounds like something that I’d blurt out, and I’m a woman.
Obviously, I have spawned not. 😁
There has to be other reasons that your wife divorced you. It can’t be solely because you called your newborn a gremlin.
To be fair, I had a similar labor/delivery experience with my son, and my husbands first reaction was “…why does he look like a raw chicken with balls?” I think the stress does funny things to your verbal filter
Why’d y’all divorce?
Hey, you didn’t say evil.
Ive always said that newborns look like George Washington and ET combined and shrank. When my friend had a baby she didn’t even ask if he was cute because she knew my thoughts even before she was pregnant, but he became cute eventually! Lol
…..bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I’m a mom, also had a c-section. My first words to my son were: “good, you don’t look like an alien!”
Babies are so weird looking when they’re born. They look unfinished. They’re also impossibly small, at least to a person who had them inside her body. They feel like they must be huge when they’re making it impossible to breath or squashing your bladder.
I have had 5 babies. None of them were cute when they were born it takes a couple hrs for the cuteness to set in. Labor with my oldest was LONG he came out looking like a conehead and had bruising on his face, he looked awful. My labor nurse caught me staring at him and said I promise he will look adorable in 24 hrs. She wasn’t wrong.
I’ve had 3 babies, they were all beautiful but odd looking little gremlins. Newborn babies are so weird looking – so ugly they’re cute. Then they get less ugly and more cute.
Congratulations on your little gremlin!!
When they placed my baby girl on my chest, for the briefest of moments, I reached out to touch her and yelled “She’s… she’s so slimy!” We all get caught off guard lol.
Thats funny. Can’t relate though my son was gorgeous when he emerged. Hell, his profile even looked handsome in the ultrasound. I thought I had been tripping but there he was… Stunning
Before I saw your note about your divorce I was going to say that sounds like a fun story to tell at your kid’s graduation party. But my husband and I both call our kids the crotch spawn, so I am definitely not the person you should be taking advice from.
Also you’re 100% right; I’ve said for years that newborns look like cute little potatoes for the first few days while their skin is still pruny.
I have had a child and yah…not cute in the beginning. Also charge nurses have 0 sense of humor. I think it’s hilarious.
🤣 oh, wait, you got divorced.
Don’t worry about it. Our oldest was born via emergency c-section and hubby commented on the size of his (the baby) penis being big. I was embarrassed but also drugged up.
When I met mine, my first words to him were “oh, what the fuck?” because I was convinced that I wasn’t actually pregnant. Pain felt.
I’m a first time mom-to-be and I’ve already been calling our unborn son a gremlin. I can only hope this is the first thing my husband shouts in the delivery room.
I’m a female and when my son was born by emergency C Section I was super out of it. My son was born at 34 weeks and 4 days. When I saw him for the first time, I apparently asked if I had been abducted by aliens because the baby they took of me looked like a tiny baby alien. So you are definitely not the only one who has said something you wish you could change. 😂
Sidenote: My son is now three years old, he’s the light of my life, even though he is the poster child for the terrible threes, and the next part is ( just kidding) He DOESN’T LOOK LIKE AM ALIEN anymore!!