I (m 31) starting dating this girl (f 24) and things have been going well. Got lucky…tall brunette who swam in college!
Now, one thing I want to clarify is that I do not have much experience with women. We have been dating for 3 months and I lost my virginity to her. She, however, does not know this. I want to come off like i am experienced especially with our age gap.
So far we have had sex 3 times and each time I have had trouble lasting. The best I could make it was 6 pumps the second time.
She has not said anything…but we kinda got into an argument the last time we were hanging out. She was going down on me while I was on the sofa and I popped, and sprayed my self on the chest and chin. She laughed a bit and joked “quick in the trigger I see” but I got really defensive and tried to tell her she went to fast too soon and blamed it on her.
I am at the airport as we are about to go on a trip with her girlfriends and was just thinking about these things. I am nervous meeting her friends, hope she hasn’t told them anything. And do you think my lack of stamina is bothering her? Looking for my reddit folks to calm a brother down haha.
TL; DR : lied to my gf about my experience and now I have issues lasting
Comments
Bro, your best bet is to come clean with her. If she likes you, she’s not gonna care that she’s your first. Hell, it’s something she might have liked to know before your first time.
…. Oh my god. I just can’t. There’s so much to unpack here.
It’ll get better. Could be worse, you could have troubling getting hard. Try to be good at pleasing her after you’ve come, then I’m sure she won’t mind.
You need to talk to her, and communicate honestly. Be prepared for some surprise, but she likes you.
Immediately blaming her for busting is a definite sign of inexperience my guy.
Just talk to her man, it’s that simple.
A case of lack of experience and nerves is making you shoot ropes immediately.
Are you wearing a condom for sex? If not, do so – both for your health, and also because it’ll help keep you going.
What you can’t be, you can’t be bad at it and also gaslight her into thinking your weakness is her fault. Be better.
Steer into it, and when you’ve got a bit of time together, have a chat. Be honest to a point, tell her that you really care about her, you’ve not got a lot of experience and want to satisfy her. Ask her to guide you and teach you what she likes. Every woman is different, and if she cares about you, will hopefully enjoy teaching you.
Don’t be defensive, but come back with something like “it’s not my fault you’ve got my version of Disney land down there” with a chuckle and a wink. She’ll feel special, and you can come off as confident.
It’s normal to be nervous about whether your SO is judging your performance, but
1- if you can get good at foreplay, which is a 100% acquirable skill if you’re willing to listen and take feedback, she’s not going to care too much about you going off fast. There’s nothing a dick can do that you can’t do just as well with fingers, a mouth and/or a dildo.
2- I’d worry less about whether she’s telling her friends about your performance, and more about how she’s taking you blaming her for your performance.
Emotional immaturity will kill your relationship way faster than shooting too early
Why does your TLDR not match your story?
3 year old unused account except for this post…
Hmmm…
Yea man, shes gonna care about you snapping at her and not being honest about your sexual history way more then you adjusting to active sexual activity.
Most women understand that if a dude hasn’t been active in a while it can take a minute for them to get back into form. She’s probably more then willing to help you through this to.
But you gotta communicate brother.
You should be going down on her until she can’t stand it anymore, and keep her mouth away from your twig.
Tell. Her. The. Truth.
There is truly no reason to hide it from her and doing so has only created a situation where you feel like you have something to protect by not telling her and blaming her actions for your reaction.
Even if you had had sex before, people are different, their sensitivity levels are different and having an open conversation about that is a good thing, not a bad thing. Blaming her for attempting to please you is going to lead to the end of a relationship, not a harmonious future.
Tell her you’re new to this and you want to discover your preferences together. Any person who can turn that into a negative is gonna be a terrible partner anyway.
Dude, just be normal. The age gap’s weird enough without you making it weirder by lying…
Christ
Might wanna pre game before doing the deed, get rid of it, also youre 31, take fault and be honest with her, then if it happens tell her its a compliment, then make sure you take care of her needs. Selfish only goes unnoticed for so long before it becomes an issue, but dont go blaming her cause you are inexperienced.
The tl;dr has nothing to do with the post at all lol.
Just be honest with her. Unless she was living under a rock before you, she absolutely knows you’re inexperienced. Communicate with her about your inexperience, be honest, don’t get defensive. Ask her how you can better pleasure her and inform her how she can help you not bust immediately. You’re allowed to ask her to chill out if you’re about to bust and don’t want to yet.
I hope you can talk with her.
Make sure you communicate during sex and do some cool stuff with her before sex itself, be ir finger, oral or a.massage, whatever she likes and makes her happy. Is she relaxes, it will take the pressure off your shoulders.
You’re risking losing the whole relationship. Be honest with her, don’t lie to boost yourself up, it never works, she’ll see right through it, especially as you’ve already given yourself away.
There are things to increase your stamina that are well worth doing too