TIFU: I went for a coffee during my cousin’s kid’s First Communion mass and it backfired spectacularly.

So today I went to my cousin’s daughter’s First Communion. I actually arrived at the church on time (miracle), found parking near the entrance (double miracle), said hello to the few family members I recognized, and then the whole ordeal began.

After about 20 minutes of standing and pretending to follow along, I thought: fuck it. I told my mom I’d be outside, slipped out, got in my car, and drove to the nearest gas station for coffee and cigarettes. I figured no one will even notice I’m gone, right?

Well. When I came back, there was a freaking ambulance in the church driveway. WTF.

Turns out some guy had fainted right next to my family and hit his head. Hence the ambulance.
And yeah – the mass just carried on like nothing happened.

I decided to lie and told my family I’d gone back to the car to grab my power bank because my phone was dying.

BUT THEN. One of my cousins (that sneaky bastard — he had shown up super late on purpose, as he later admitted without a shred of remorse) had seen me driving off to the gas station. So when people finally noticed I was missing, he just went:
“Mrijka? Don’t worry, we saw her in her car earlier. She’s probably having trouble parking or something.”

So even though I had successfully hidden the cigarette butt and the coffee cup in my bag, I still had to confess the truth, because I was too dumb and panicked to come up with a second lie on the spot.

So yeah.
I admitted I went for coffee in the middle of the mass.
The silence was awkward as fuck.

Jesus Christ.

TL;DR: Slipped out of my cousin’s daughter’s First Communion to grab coffee and cigarettes, thinking no one would notice. Came back to an ambulance outside the church. Tried to lie. Got exposed by a cousin. Had to confess. Silence was brutal.