So this happened last night at like 2 in the morning. Couldn’t sleep because the room felt like a toaster. Got up to take a shit. Nothing dramatic, just tired and sweaty.
Grabbed two squares of toilet paper. For whatever reason, I wiped with my left hand (not normal for me), and had another square in my right just kinda holding it while trying to dab the sweat off my face. I don’t know what short-circuited in my brain but I wiped my forehead with the wrong one.It hit immediately. Not just a little smudge.Center of my face. Just sat there for a second staring at the floor like I’d just been betrayed by myself. Then I panic-washed. Face, hands, probably parts that weren’t even involved. I think I used dish soap at one point. Didn’t sleep after that. Just lay there thinking about how fast things went from “ it’s hot” to “I just shit-smeared my own face.”
TL;DR: Got shitfaced without any alcohol
Comments
This is funny I can’t lie. What toilet paper are you using that you’re wiping with one square? Sounds strong af
War paint. Waging war on shit, one square at a time.
I’ve done something sort of like this, but instead of on my face I just short circuited and thought I was holding toilet paper. Then I wipe shit all over my hands.
I’ve also dropped my phone or glasses in the toilet after pissing or shitting. Can’t flush, don’t want glasses to go down, so have to fish it out with hands. Makes you wanna die. It’s even more embarrassing imo when you are under the influence. You feel like such a fuck-up.
The tldr is perfection 🤣
This is why you need a bidet!
And then there was that time I slipped and fell in a sewer …