I started my first seasonal job and first kitchen job last week and last night the chef was off so I had to cook dinner for our guests by myself. He helped me get things organized in the morning and gave me a few pointers for the evening but obviously it was all up to me. When I got to the kitchen at about 4 I was feeling great. I had set the rolls to proof at the time he told me and I just had some easy prep to do. Until I remembered that one of the guests was vegetarian and I would need to make something for her. No big deal, I used to be vegan I have handle that. I whipped up a quick marinade for a tofu steak, I kinda winged it but was confident it would be fine.
I knew dinner was at 6:30 so I was timing everything accordingly and was on track to finish at just about 6:25 to have time to plate everything. Well, at 5:55 people started coming into the kitchen and getting wine glasses for guests. I was surprised, usually guests don’t sit down until about 5 minutes before a meal. And I said so to one of my coworkers. She looked at me and slowly shook her head. “Its at 6….” She said quietly. Well fuck.
I had somehow screwed up the time and now had at least 15 minutes until things would START to be ready. The rolls were in the oven but had aggressively over proofed meaning I had gotten THAT time wrong too. I was scrambling but there was literally nothing I could do but wait. I decided to start cooking the tofu to make sure it was warm all the way through. I popped a pan on the stove to heat it up but those damn stoves have 2 setting. Off and on, no low or medium (maybe thats normal but I’ve never been in a commercial kitchen before). So after a few minutes I poured some of the marinade into the pan to cook the tofu in (not really sure why I did that??? It had a good amount of olive oil in it but also balsamic…. I was starting to lose the plot at this point). Anyway, I put some of the liquid in and the damn thing erupts into flames. I froze. No one was in the kitchen with me so there was no one to react better but almost immediately the fire started to die down and after maybe 30 seconds it was out. Fuck I was terrified. We had done a fire safety training literally 2 days before and I had totally just failed. Well I was so flustered that I didn’t think to turn on the overhead fan so about 5 minutes later the smoke alarm went off. Of course I knew exactly why that was happening and the owner had just stepped out but came back when she heard it. I’m not sure if she knew it was the smoke alarm or just a loud timer (the kitchen timer sounds very similar) but she didn’t say anything to me about it. And also it was a non issue. There was no big fire, everything was fine. But I was scared it had alerted the fire dept. And yes I know thats not how it works but I was freaking out.
Luckily one of my coworkers got it turned off quickly and came in to check on me. I was so close to breaking down into tears. I was pissed at myself, embarrassed, stressed, everything. But I pulled myself together, got dinner served up and the second it was done I hightailed it outside, past some coworkers who I knew were worried (I am the same age as their kids and I can feel their parental concern/instincts often and it is usually appreciated) they asked if I was okay and I said I was just going on a walk and would be back in a few to get dessert ready. I walked up the hill and finally let myself cry for a few minutes. I knew it wasn’t a huge deal. The food was all on the table by 6:20 and no one was complaining, the guests were just having a nice time chatting etc but I felt like an idiot. How could I have possibly gotten the time wrong? Dinner had been at 6pm every other day, why in god’s name did I think it was at 6:30?
I got myself together after a few minutes and walked back to the kitchen. One of the older employees (the “dad” if you will) stood up and gave me a hug and I tried to hold in my tears but of course I couldn’t. I splashed some cold water on my face and went out to the table like the chef always does to ask how everything is and tell them what they are eating. Everyone seemed happy and I got dessert ready. When plates started coming in someone told me that the vegetarian didn’t like her tofu and at that point I wasn’t surprised. I shouldn’t have winged something like that but apparently she ate it all. Well I served dessert, everyone seemed happy and finally I was done. I hid in the kitchen the rest of the evening, putting leftovers away and made some dinner for myself.
I am off today and tomorrow and the guests from last night are leaving today and Wednesday. I only have to cook breakfast on Wednesday and they will be gone but I don’t want to show my face (I live on the property and don’t have a kitchen of my own). Not to the chef to tell him how poorly it went, not to the guests, especially the vegetarian who I had spoken to before dinner and had a nice chat with. Not to anyone. I’m so humiliated. I know everything is fine. Nothing horrible happened and apparently chef gets meals out late frequently (I think it has stopped since I have been here) but that is what I have heard. Nonetheless I am mortified. The owner came by a few times to tell me that everything was fine, I don’t have to be perfect on my first day alone in the kitchen and that everything was delicious. Thank god the food tasted good (except for the tofu (but apparently the veggie lady seemed to be a hard to please lady, that was not the impression I got and it might be a total lie on the part of my coworkers to make me feel better but idk))
TL;DR on my first day alone in the kitchen at my new job, I started a small VERY brief fire, got the time wrong and served dinner 20 minutes late, over proofed the rolls, served offending tofu and cried in front of my coworkers for the first time. And now I don’t want to leave my room or show my face.
Comments
You’re a great writer. I really felt each beat of this.
A really positive takeaway here is that you work with a staff of supportive people who have your back and understand you’re human.
I’m sure the chef has many stories like this. It’s a super stressful job!
Take a deep breath and relax. You did your absolute best. You tried your heart out to make everything perfect and everyone understood. I don’t know what messed up the timing but the fact that you got the plates out at 6:20 is remarkable. If the guest didn’t like her tofu, that’s okay. We all get served things that aren’t our favorite. The fact is that you really tried. Everyone is nervous when they step into a new job and mistakes happen. It sounds like everyone understood and they wanted to reassure you that it was okay.
Now, do the breakfast. The worst is over now that you’ve gotten your jitters out and you’re going to make a wonderful meal. Try not to beat yourself up anymore. It kinda breaks my heart that you were crying. No, no, no, from a Mimi. Chin up, go and do your best and everything will be okay. You should be really proud of yourself.
Hey, you got through it and the food tasted great so no real harm done. For a first time alone in the kitchen it seems like you did okay. Lessons learned, move on. In a day or two, it’ll be old news.
When things seem stressful, even overwhelming, ask yourself will this really matter in 5 weeks? 5 months? 5 years? If the answer to any of these is no, then it doesn’t really matter that much now. We all make mistakes. That’s life.
Pro tip: instead of going for a walk outside, take a few minutes in the walk in cooler. That’s the industry standard place to cry/take deep breaths/regain composure.
Seems to be on them. No training virtually. Unfair to you and guest. Sounds you held your own. Sorry, work made you cry.
As a person from the fine dining industry, I know the stakes feel higher than high, ESPECIALLY because there is NO separation from customers.
This is NORMAL. This actually sounds like a fun Tuesday night to me. Give it some time. You’ll mess up again, I promise!!!!! We all do. This industry takes everything you’ve got, every day. You clearly have the passion and drive to make it. You clearly have the emotional intelligence to make it (hyping yourself up, holding it together, pushing through). You have more grit and guts than most people I’ve met in this industry. So keep going. Keep being passionate. Keep caring. That’s what it takes to make it big. 🩷 You’ll look back on this in a month and laugh.
Keep writing. I want to buy your book in ten years.
I think this story belongs in /nosleep. Not to say it’s not true but that makes a great short horror story.
“Until I remembered….”
“I had somehow screwed up the time….”
Never rely on your memory for anything having to do with your professional responsibilities. Set labeled alarms or timers, whichever is more appropriate, for each individual thing.
I used to cater events, and the first time I tried making seitan….Well, you don’t need to know the details, but I should have tried doing it at home first. One of the unfortunate souls who tried it said that the less said about it, the better – but they appreciated the fact that I tried to do something that wasn’t either salad or a massive mushroom as a burger. Apparently those two things are a tragically frequent occurrence. So yeah, that was stressful, but at least I have since been able to say, “not today, seitan (unless it’s shop-bought)”
Anyway, the world keeps turning. Your team sounds like a lovely bunch of people, and you’ve learned stuff about the kitchen equipment! Good work, chef.
You didn’t know how the range worked and fucked up a little tiny bit? yeesh
When you make some of the fuckups I have made I think you might top yourself ahahahaha that would have been a “oh well whatever” by my standards.
But like another person said, sanity checks are key. Reminders both physical and people are great for keeping shit on schedule. Even now when I wake up during my smoke and coffee with the wife we go over the plan for the day to make sure we are both on the same page (and we are in many ways effectively retired).
Your job is leading a team. That team has the responsibility of individual tasks and part of each task is reminding you of what they need and when – is the way I work it anyway.
You sound like you had never set foot in a commercial kitchen before. You shouldn’t have been put in charge of that kitchen, at all. So really not your fault.