Good night, Reddit.
I haven’t written something as real as this in a long time. Today I decided to let go a little of what I carry inside, because honestly, I don’t want to keep it anymore.
I haven’t been dating for more than a year, without having a love or sexual relationship, not even going to a bar and talking to a girl. My last relationship was pretty ugly for me. It broke me in many ways and, since then, I decided to get away from all that. I came to think that I was simply not able to have a stable relationship, that maybe that was not for me.
I’ve only brought one girl to my house. Only one knew my parents. And it was her… the only one I really felt in love with, from head to toe. But today I’m not here to talk about that broken story. Today I want to talk about someone else.
I’ve been meeting a new girl for almost two months. And I don’t know how to say it, but the world is moving me. We talk a lot, until 4 in the morning, almost every day. It’s something that hasn’t happened to me for years. I go to bed with a smile just for reading the last thing he told me. I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship… but at the same time, I feel like I am. That maybe it’s just what I need. Something new. A different story.
It scares me. It terrifies me that she gets to see the mistakes I made in the past. I’m scared of being vulnerable again. But she’s different. He is one of those people who with his mere presence makes you lower your guard.
I’ll tell you a little about her: she’s short, blonde, she has brown eyes that I don’t know how they do, but they calm down. Her hands are super cute, you can see that she takes care of herself, that she invests in herself, even in details such as the manicure. She has a voice… a confident woman’s voice, one of those who know what they want and how they want it. It’s not the ones you find at a party, or in a bar at 2am. It’s quite the opposite.
I met her through a friend. He introduced her to me almost without thinking, and from that day on I was like an idiot, all dumbfounded. Literally, since then I can’t stop thinking about her. It’s been a long, long time since I felt like this since my last relationship.
I don’t know what’s going to happen to her, or if this is going to become something serious… but there’s something in the way she talks to me, in the way she listens to me, that makes me believe that maybe, just maybe, I still deserve something beautiful.
Maybe I’m not ready yet. Maybe we never are. But if there is a minimal possibility of building something with it, even if it is from my ruins, I think that this time I do want to try. Because a long time ago I was not excited about the idea of looking at someone again as I am starting to look at her.
What if it goes well this time?
Thank you for reading.
I’m going to keep writing here, who knows… maybe this will become something real.
Maybe, in a few weeks, I’ll tell them that I fell in love again.
TL;DR: I moved away from love for fear of repeating past mistakes, but now I met someone who makes me want to try again… although I still don’t know if I’m ready.