Once, in college. I don’t remember much of it because I had a serious drinking problem. I was struggling with my sexuality and the drinking didn’t help and I made a really bad choice. I’m lucky to have been forgiven, but it’s still my greatest regret in life. Yes my partner and I are still together (together for 20 years, married 15 of them)
Even if I learned some important things about myself via this huge mistake, I don’t consider it worth it and it’s the one act in my life that I would erase if I could.
I have cheated. People will be disappointed by my answer. I felt no guilt and it was actually a catalyst for a lot of change in my life, so although it was the wrong thing to do and I wouldn’t do it again, to answer your question it was worth it.
I wasn’t the cheater but I was cheated on 3 times in 12 years the first 2 I forgave and we ended up with 3 beautiful babies so the last time I had a great job only thing they worked us 12 hrs 6 days a week like slaves but I was making so much and working we was just saving until I called on my break one day kids answer tell me moms out front with her boyfriend that was 5 years ago I’m over it the breakup of my family hurts but I couldn’t bring myself to do it again
The damage I could have caused the other person was not worth it. Happened a long time ago, it was one time and she never found out. We broke up for other reasons, but in a future relationship I was cheated on and found out. The damage it did to me was eye opening. I’ve never cheated again and I never will.
6 years ago, infidelity confined to text messages.
Regarding what happened, I feel like shit. I betrayed the trust of my partner, as well as betraying myself by acting in ways that were counterintuitive to my own character.
Regarding what I did after, I feel much better. I pursued therapy, read books, absorbed anything and everything I could to better understand my own actions, which seemed so far removed from the person I thought I was.
The books “The State of Affairs” by Esther Perel and “Not Just Friends” (can’t remember the author) were very influential. They made me realize that people cheat not because of circumstance, but behavior, and that the surest way to guard against infidelity is total honesty with your partner and strict boundaries regarding everyone else.
The relationship eventually ended last year, but it was amicable. We’re good friends, and she holds no ill will about what happened.
How can I say that I should’ve known better but I definitely realized I just wanted someone else and was too cowardly to go after them and let what I had go before
I was involved with some girls that were less than what I wanted or needed and I couldn’t even tell you why they were great just I wasn’t satisfied
But just being wanted I guess
I was so insecure and so selfish I felt validated by more than just one woman
Not proud but it’s happened and well now I’m single and avoiding anybody I see because no one is what I want anymore
I’ve noticed in a lot of conversations in this thread, there’s a tendency to focus on the cheater’s justifications—how they were unhappy, how it just ‘happened,’ or how they’re in a better place now. But what about the person they left behind?
Cheating doesn’t just end a relationship—it often shatters someone’s trust, self-worth, and sense of security. That matters. We can’t keep glossing over the harm caused just because someone feels better after moving on.
Love is one of the most sacred, vulnerable bonds we can form with another human being. Breaking that in secret and without care is not just a mistake—it’s a betrayal. And that deserves acknowledgment, not excuses.
I’ve been the other guy that someone cheated with; that felt pretty terrible when I initially found out despite not knowing previously. She did a pretty good job hiding it from the both of us and even after we found out, strung us both along for a while. I ended up disappearing myself from her/them cold turkey and never really got any closure.
I feel alright bc I’ve moved on. I felt like crap for sure when I did it tho. I wasn’t in love with my ldr anymore and I was afraid to leave him. So I ended up kissing a friend of mine when I was drunk
it was not worth it at all and i continue to feel guilty about it. i felt guilty the second it happened and i dont remember enjoying it in the moment either. it was years ago and i was scared thats just who i am as a hole person an absolute monster. but im not. ive had nightmares about it this whole time and it ate me alive but my experience isnt what mattered it was about their horrible experience after i told them. i made a really bad decision. i have my understanding of it now and why it happened but its no excuse or justification for the bad and damaging choice i made. after i told my partner the next time i saw them they wanted to stay together for some reason. i said no and held my ground for a few months because it was not a good relationship but they wanted to continue it and i ended up agreeing later. i cant imagine the pain i caused but thankfully they are married with kids now and even though they caused me long lasting damage totally seperate from what i did i honestly hope they are happy now because i will never forget what i did or take it lightly
I was a serial cheater. I deeply hurt and created trauma in my long term partner. It’s been over a year and I still feel shame, guilt, loss of pride and respect. I presented myself as someone who I was not to her and my friends and rightfully so I’ve lost both.
How can you trust someone who would do the worst possible thing to the person you are to care for? I understand why people dislike and hate me. But also to answer your question, I feel motivated, appreciative, and relieved right now. If I didn’t get caught I would’ve never stopped. I was told before for an alcoholic one drink is too many and 1000 is not enough. The reasons I cheated were brought to light and I don’t think it’s more than I’m a piece of shit; I have no self worth, i have narcissistic tendencies, i seek validation, i don’t respect my word and honesty.
I’m not my mistakes and one thing I noticed after d-day they call it, I love my partner. I would give my life for her and at the moment she has taken me back. How can I not love someone who still loves me for who I am even after I’ve hurt her like an out of control driver hitting an undeserving victim.
I made a mistake but I’m not that mistake. I will continue to be a better person and I will love my partner in ways I never could before.
It wasn’t worth it and I hurt my ex partner in ways that I will always feel guilt for. I wish I had communicated rather than doing something that I, and my ex, will always have to live with.
I did it once when I was 21. Even worse, I cheated on him with his best friend.
I’m sure he’s moved on now, but I haven’t. The pain and harm I caused will live with me forever and that’s something I feel I deserve. No one should ever hurt someone like that. It changed the way I think about myself. I will never in my life cheat on someone again.
I don’t keep it a secret either, I’ve told every partner I’ve had since. I told my whole family. I’ve been told I should forgive myself, but I simply cannot. It’s just a horrible thing to do to someone.
Not worth it. We were close already as friends, she (not single) started it. Truth be told it was just nice to be wanted at first. She told me she loved me, I fell in love with her too. Talked about how she would leave her man for me countless times. Then eventually things got ugly… Not worth it, deeply regret it. But I can be absolutely sure I will never put myself or another person in that situation ever again, that’s my life lesson learned.
I cheated on my highschool sweetheart when I was in college in a different state. We had opened the relationship, then closed it, but I felt like I was hot shit and kept hooking up with other girls.
Her and I ended up breaking up just after the end of the first semester, a few days before I went home. I kinda expected it but was still messed up emotionally. Turns out she hooked up with and started dating my buddy from home around the same time.
A few months later she called me out on cheating, and I realized how badly it hurt to hurt someone like that, and to find out I was also cheated on. I swore then I wouldn’t cheat again and that it was a deal breaker, and if I wanted to cheat in any way I was ending the relationship first.
I still feel terrible about what I did and how I hurt her, and have kept the promise I made to myself.
Since then, I haven’t cheated but I was cheated on in a later relationship. It was worth it in the literal physical sense as some of those girls led me to interesting situations and I learned a lot from those times, but morally and mentally it wasn’t as that weight still exists.
Never had to cheat, had a long honest talk with my gf when I thought we were getting too serious at too young of an age, because I am/was a horny little heathen and I didn’t want to end up blaming or resenting her for “holding me back.” We both decided we would be “open” to potential hookups with other people. She said that wasn’t for her, she wasn’t going to pursue anyone else, but even though it hurt her to think about it, she did understand where I was coming from, and she loved me so much that she was willing to deal with the possibility of me doing it. I said I would prefer if she told me just so I knew what was going on, she told me she would rather just not know or hear about it at all, but would want me to be safe and get tested.
That was like four years ago, we’ve been together 8 years, and neither of us have hooked up with anyone other than each other.
I felt a huge sense of relief knowing our feelings for each other went beyond just being possessive, I felt more free knowing the option was there for me, but I never felt the need to really actively pursue anyone else because our sex life is still good. Wouldn’t change a thing, and my love for her grows stronger every day, through every trial we face together.
Basically, just communicate healthily with your partner about your needs and your boundaries. Long term relationships should be about supporting each other’s growth, but simultaneously loving people for who they are, not just who they might become. Understand/find out what your limits are, because all relationships require some level of compromise (but not enough to grow hateful), understand that breaking up is completely natural and very few people are compatible as life partners, work hard for each other… But above all else, communicate.
No, when I think about it it horrifies me. I will try to never cause that amount of pain again. Also, I guess the fact my libido is nearly dead now is karmic.
Yes. Before you call me a monster, he was abusive. Isolating me from my friends and family, bashing me to his friends and publicly humiliating me, controlling what I wear, constantly SA’ing me despite repeated attempts to get him to stop. No did not mean no to him. Sleeping didn’t even mean no, I would wake up being used like a pocket pussy. I cheated, he saw me as a dirty whore, screamed at me and beat on his steering wheel while driving before dropping me off at my grandparents. It was worth it.
It wasn’t worth it. I cheated with a few different people and never once did I feel good about it afterwards. I always felt bad and the sex wasn’t good at all. I still think about it from time to time and feel bad about hurting someone who loved me so much just because I could.
I cheated because he was always demeaning me and I figured out he was using me for what he thought were financial benefits when I was just nice and gifted him a lot even though I am, by no means, well off. Definitely don’t regret it. Never cheated on anyone who wasn’t a total ass. Just leaving when they’re that rude feels like losing some kind of game.
I’ve been cheated on, I’ve been the cheater, and I’ve been the person that helped someone in a relationship cheat. All of these situations happened in early adulthood. When I think back on these times I cringe so hard, almost cry if I think about it too hard. Never worth it.
Yes and no.
I was faithfull for 8 years, but he was often away and was really bad at communication. The first time I felt really guilty, but aftertime it was like a switch went off and I cared less and less.
I loved him and still do, but I was not in love anymore and to much of a coward to end things. He finally discovered it and left without a word. We have seen each others since and talked, and I know the damage I’ve done.
I don’t regret it because I think it was better to end our relationship, but I’ml never forgive myself for hurting him this much.
I was feeling neglected but doesn’t mean he deserved it. Do I regret it? I regret not being mature enough or having the backbone to end a relationship I wasn’t happy in because I was more afraid of being alone. Both of us would’ve wasted less time.
We started the relationship really early, we were both 12-13 having sex consistently (with protection)… and as you might imagine, madly in love with each other.. I think due to our lack of emotional maturity, this situation led us to over reacting/acting out against each in an extremely unhealthy way.. we actually were together for about 20 years (maybe 3ish years off here and there, moving on then inevitably coming back together), never married, never had kids.. it was really toxic there at the end (this was about 5 years ago now) and no doubt it was due to all the cheating we’d done to one another over the years.. I don’t think it was necessarily either of our fault, just formed a really unhealthy bond with a person you deeply cared for.. shit was complicated and I don’t regret our time together, just regret some of the decision we (mostly I) made to stay together.. I probably should see a therapist about that..
It ruined my marriage and ruined my ex wife’s self-esteem, it’s without a doubt the biggest regret of my life.
I think about it every day and honestly if I could take it back and just be a better man I would.
I still feel pretty sick about it and I doubt that will ever change, and it’s been 5 years.
Long story short, cheated on my ex with an ex. The reasons aren’t relevant, as far as I’m concerned. I realized what I was doing was terrible and put a stop to it. Told my then current partner (the one that I cheated on) about the infidelity and basically crawled back to her begging for forgiveness.
I hurt multiple people due to a few moments of weakness. We tried to make it work for another year or so (I stayed faithful) but it didn’t work out. She told me she couldn’t get over it, which was understandable, and we parted ways.
I left quite the trail of destruction in my wake, it makes me want to throw up. I can’t even fathom how the other people feel.
If anyone else is getting pissed off reading about everyone’s justifications for doing it, I implore you to read this post from a few days ago and it might cheer you up
Confession time… my husband was having a full blown affair with his colleague 10 years younger. I knew. I called it. I challenged them. Heck, I even contacted their employer. ( Further context, the 18months they were falling in love, he beat me, SA’d me, verbally abused me, financially controlled me and generally did what he could to make sure I ended us…)
Scenario post me finding out they’re ‘together’
Her Boyfriend reached out …
I ended my marriage.
I slept with her boyfriend.
Revenge? Loneliness? Cameraderie?
I don’t know. Two lonely abused people falling into bed with one another.
Did she care? Not one jot…
Did he care? Seemingly not…
She got engaged to my husband within a 9 months post divorce – less than 18 months post me sleeping with her boyfriend ( he was slightly older so I didn’t feel too bad!)
Now…
I’m remarried to my childhood sweetheart. Happy. In love. Accepting life is challenging but I’m happy.
I’m still distant friends with her ex who is also happily married. My now husband knows her ex checks in every now and again, totally platonic. No feelings.
Them… well, married. Kid, house. She’s welcome to him. He’s welcome to her. They’re rotten evil abusive people.
I was looking for something my partner couldn’t give me. But yet was not brave enough to end the relationship. It would’ve been better to end the relationship.
I cheated on my girlfriend when I was pretty young. Like 20 maybe. I don’t know. Up until her, not many girls gave me a shot. Looking back, the flood gates kind of opened relatively after I got my first really serious gf.
The first time was with someone close to my gf. I remember like a weird feeling in my body like not quite out of body but it truly felt like crossing a rubicon. Like there was no going back. One I did it, I will have always done it. There were a few other girls. It was easier the second time because it was already done. I told myself I’m young and whatever. And I’m basically just the one suffering here in the relationship because I have this secret.
Our relationship also became long distance with me at college. I didn’t have sex with anyone bun I did fool around with some girls I met there and even one from home that would visit me sometimes (I really liked her). You might wonder why I even stayed in a relationship. Well, she was my first love so I don’t know I guess that’s why.
I felt bad at the time and regretted it later. One of the girls closer her told my gf about one of the other girls close to her well after we broke up and she called me and was like wtf? The girl didn’t confess about herself for some reason and I spilled beans then. I think they’re still friends. But as I grew up I regretted how I was. Like she was pretty great but I was too young and inexperienced to appreciate it. She didn’t deserve that.
At the time I was worth it because sex is fun. But this far removed from the sex, I’m just left with the memory of cheating on someone that really cared about me. I will say she was pretty young too and I heard she may have cheated on me at some point but never got any really concrete details on that as we had been broken up for a while when I learns about it and it didn’t matter.
Side note, my friends wife cheated on him and blew up their family and she seems to be in a much better place now. So she might say it was worth it.
100% not worth it. I did it because my partner was doing it and I wanted to see how awesome it must be. Turns out they must have really been feeling like a bag of shit.
Oh gods I wouldn’t wish the emotional turmoil on anyone it caused.
Mines a very odd case though. Not excusing my behavior in any means! I took full responsibility for my actions and knew I fucked up 0.5 second after it happened.
In the best short story I can make it, my ex and I were in a somewhat open relationship. We opened it up about a couple years into dating since we were always busy and we’re only able to see each other maybe once a week if we were lucky. We met at 18F/19M(myself). Upon opening it though, she immediately found a partner within 24 hours and had sex but then she had some emotional complications about the whole thing. So I felt bad and never sought out a partner for a long time as I was too scared it would hurt her. But that changed maybe 2 years later when a girl at work started talking to me and we hit it off great. My ex and I we’re barely having sex at this point as our relationship was already falling apart due to so many stresses but we were still in a open relationship and I was really sexually attracted to my coworker. I told my ex, she approved knowing I never took another partner, and my coworker and I had sex. Which was the problem. This is gonna sound fucked but that one night of sex was better than any of the 5-6 years of sex I had with my ex and I was hooked on the natural chemistry my coworker and I had.
My coworker felt the same and wanted to keep something going between us so I told my ex and we hesitantly experimented as a throuple and even had sex together which went well too. But then that’s when things fell apart for my ex who didn’t communicate her jealousy at the time and after sleeping together didn’t want me and my coworker having sex while she thought of things.
And this is where I fucked up as my coworker was in our house still as my ex went to work and her and I couldn’t hold ourselves away and we had sex. This is when my emotions filled me up and realized even though we’re open, I just defied and betrayed my ex’s trust. My coworker tried to persuade me not to tell but I just couldn’t bare it. Out relationship was in shambles and me cheating or not would have probably ended within a year or two but I still loved her and I told her the same day what we did.
My ex, being already emotionally unstable from declining metal health that her and I shared from all the shit we were already going through, snapped.
For about the next year, I moved in with my best friend and his family, I struggled with choosing between the love of my ex or the passion of my coworker, went on again and off again with my ex and then finally I ended it all about a well after Valentine’s Day of 2022. She absolutely flipped out again as I was firm at this point and fully woke up to that what I did was truly the straw that broke the camels back and no matter how hard we tried, we were done.
Though she then met and dated her current boyfriend that’s she’s with to this day within 24 hours of this final breakup so I honestly don’t know if she was truly distraught or was just pissed that I ended things before she did.
Almost a year later after a shit load of therapy and getting a better job that allowed me to be more independent, I finally met my current girlfriend who I am still with to this day. She’s fully aware of what I did to my ex and was scared at first but she believes me that I horribly regret it all and would never put myself or anyone else through that amount of pain again. It’s just too much pain for such a momentary animalistic pleasure. Plus it did help that I had my best friend and his wife who were close to my ex too give their testimony of everything and give proof to how much I changed myself.
I saw a comment about how nobody is saying what happened to the ex or how they’re fairing. For mine, she’s doing okay as far as I know. I get little bits of information and gossip about her from my best friend’s wife who still follows her on social media and sometimes talks to. She’s still with the guy she met less than a day after I broke up with her lol. So I’m gur they’re doing fine. I heard she started a business too which honestly pissed me off because she acted for 5 fucking years that she’s incapable of working and would barely hold a job for more than 3 months and I am still paying for the debt she caused me from barely working and I had to support us both on minimum wage. Woman could have worked the whole time but just didn’t have the motivation until she had no money coming in anymore lol.
But yeah, it’s been a crazy past 3 or so years for me but I learned a lot about myself through it and came out the other side a better man. And I now have a partner who’s much more there for me emotionally and in the 2 years we’ve been together we’ve hadn’t had a day where we didn’t laugh together at least once yet.
We decided to get a divorce but we were technically married when I started talking to other women. She calls it cheating I call it moving on and being done with her emotionally manipulating me by threatening auicide. This was my way to work on being happy again.
Good amount of back story here but we didn’t live together for nearly a year and she withheld intimacy from me except for 2 times in that time frame. She also chose not to live with me and to live with her mom and also take my kids away from me and forced me to make 4 hour one way trips anytime I wanted to see them.
A lot poorer because I went to a fuck-ton of therapy. But happier because I recognize what the problem was: me. I wasn’t happy and I took it out on people who deserved better. I should have ended relationships instead of finding someone else to make me happy. I am not well suited for LDRs, I need someone close. I
do live thé ENM lifestyle now which has helped because I recognize it gives me the full “experience” of what I want in relationships; a main partner and side flings here and there. My partner and I are both former cheaters and we have an incredibly close bond navigating this space together and use our cheating as a talking point “this is how I would feel before cheating.” No point in shying away.
Once on my high-school ex. My pube hormones wanted to fuck like a rabbit. She didn’t have the confidence to go all the way. It also “hurt” for her for some reason I never learned.
Pissed me off. I got drunk and slept with a project neighborhood mattress. No regrets, it was high-school. The guilt killed me and I dumped both girls.
Cheated on ex I met when I was homeless (at 18). She left the area to visit a friend. I found someone to make out with and try to fuck on. Didn’t work out that way, she found out, stayed with me.
Im so curious about this because everyone’s saying they wish they would’ve just ended it. no shit. you shouldn’t have had to hurt someone in that way to gain that low level amount of empathy.
I had guys for years telling me I deserved better than my boyfriend and even though I agreed with them, I wanted my ex to be better. I had countless “opportunities” in my face the 4+ years we were together but chose to respect my partner and relationship every time.
he went out of his way to find a stranger online to cheat with the day before valentine’s day while i was at work.
Like hell. I did it to a girlfriend I (deep down) probably knew at the time was probably going to be my wife. Did it for some harmony of reasons I could not (and will never) articulate or justify. Just a toxic mix of fear, alcohol, and being long distance/lonely. Thought I was doing the right thing and could fix things with her by confessing. It was the right thing still, but it didn’t work. My dating life and mental health have been in the dumpster ever since. She is happily in a new relationship and I am pursuing an order of protection against my ex. Happened all the way back in 2021 and I’m still not over it. Don’t do it!
While I didn’t have the greatest partner, it wasn’t worth it. It’s a heavy pain that I carry with me every single day. We’ve been divorced two years now and he’s happily remarried. He deserves it.
I was in a 6 year relationship and had an online affair in the last 8 months of it. She didn’t know, I was extremely careful. My affair partner was probably the only person in my life at the time who was nice to me and gave me any kindness. Someone I could talk about the abuse with, who didn’t immediately tell me to leave, but just listen and relate. There was never spouse bashing. It was just kinship.
It was a combination of things that lead to me seeking it out, going from lurking to messaging to a full blown affair partner. The relationship I was in was very abusive. I didn’t see a lot of it. I just thought something was broken in me and that my partner hated me. I genuinely felt like a terrible person for about the last 2 years. At that time she lost her job due to her anger issues. She started drinking extremely heavily. She didn’t get another job. I can’t even write out how many things she did that changed my perception of reality and my self concept. A lot of it had to do with sex. I wasn’t affectionate enough, I was always tired, I was too uptight or controlling. We started sleeping in separate rooms. Sex was completely one sided. I was never touched or given release after. She wasn’t interested in my side of it. She would joke about me masturbating often, or how needy I was, or make fun of my kinks. Several people in her life had been trying to have affairs with me about a year before I reached my breaking point. Two of her cousins, one of her friends. Several other people I met through my job, too. So I was being ridiculed and evaluated constantly at home, but desired everywhere else outside of her.
She kept offering an open relationship but only for me to have sex with other people. Just hookups, robotic sex. I started thinking that was the only way I’ll ever have another person touch me and desire me. Was without any emotion. I was terrified. That’s what my experience and needs were to her. Not that I was lonely, or felt disgusting. Not that I was overwhelmed with her anger, her drinking and drug use, that she never chose me over her friends, that I did all of the cleaning and cooking. Then it was picking at how frustrating my disability, or my family, or my job, or my friends were. By the time I had reached the point of looking at affair groups, there were so many screaming, crying, spiralling arguments. Everytime I would beg and make compromises, promises that I would do better. That I would touch her more, have sex more, listen to her more. I felt that I was a broken person who didn’t know how to take care of someone. One time we had a good friend over and she asked me in the middle of the night if she could fuck him on the couch in the next room. And was angry at me for saying no.
A lot of people say things like “why wouldn’t you just leave” and the answer is really simple. You’re not ready, you think things will get better at home, and/or the relationship has beat you down to such a point that you feel helpless and useless. Like dirt. You have no value without them. So you hide. You act. You try your best to be what they want. Even if you’re already separating from the relationship in some way, you do think it’s going to get better. You don’t want to take the step that could destroy your whole life. You don’t feel ready for it. It’s not going to be a ‘good’ reason for a lot of people. But for me, and the people I knew who were seeking infidelity – there were so many extremely difficult circumstances surrounding it all. Complete lack of intimacy, children, disease, death, mental illness, lack of family or any support, financial ties or restrictions, just plain mental and emotional and physical abuse. I was severely depressed and stopped being able to get her off at all. I couldn’t touch her or emotionally connect. Everything was so draining and one sided. I felt like a mom, a maid, a sex slave. I was scared, and extremely sad. And I couldn’t feel any of it, because there would just be more anger. There were never compromises. If I brought something up, it would be a breakup conversation in response. Or the “talk” would get so spiraled that I would forget what was happening during it. Every talk started being like that. I couldnt remember what was said the entire time. Just that I would start getting extremely confused and disregulated, and eventually start begging for forgiveness.
She ended it one day. “You keep saying you’re going to get better, but I don’t think you ever will.” I packed my stuff in 3 weeks. Didn’t look back. How she treated me once we weren’t a couple wasn’t shocking, but it was shocking. She did a few things that resulted in me severing contact completely. It was all bad. Distorted, painful, cruel. I don’t miss her. I didn’t like who I was with her. I didn’t get to be soft, talk about feelings, to have a partner who spoke to me gently and openly. I didn’t get to be loved for me. So yeah, I cheated. I don’t regret it. It was probably something that kept me sane and helped me remember I was a person outside of my relationship.
My affair partner turned into my friend. He truly did give me a safe space. He’s getting divorced now. I hope he feels better and finds happiness. I used to think cheater’s were the scum of the earth. I was SO vehemently against it. I don’t necessarily view things under a black and white lense anymore. I learned I’m capable of cheating if certain circumstances happen. I learned I’m not as steady and loyal as I truly believed I was. I also learned that love isn’t enough to stay with someone.
Sigh, everyone will hate me anyway, and I get it, but I’ll tell the story.
It was close to 20 years ago, when I was in my early 20s. My boyfriend and I had been off and on, fighting a lot, generally a miserable toxic relationship but we lived together and kept trying to make it “work.” I didn’t recognize the term emotional cheating at the time, but that’s how it started. I had became really good friends with one of my exboyfriends, as he would always be there for me- particularly whenever my boyfriend and I were having problems. Likewise I was there for said ex as he and his girlfriend broke up. On a break from college, I went home to visit my family and friends while my boyfriend went to his home state to do the same. Ex and I ended up sleeping together and I felt like complete shit. It is the worst thing I’ve ever done to someone, and I don’t know why I didn’t just break up beforehand. I hadnt planned on sleeping with him but I still did. I knew after the fact there was no coming back from that, the fact that I allowed myself to cheat, it was over. I never told my boyfriend what happened; I just became very distant and broke up once we both flew back. Our last year together was really rocky so he didn’t even question if there was a catalyst or just time apart. I dont know if I should have told him what happened or if it was better left unsaid. I look back at the multiple years of fights, screaming, and insults, and I don’t understand why I just didn’t break up without betrayal first. I feel horrible for the specific act, but honestly, I am glad SOMETHING finally ended that relationship.
I have never cheating since and I never would. So how do I feel about it- guilty and shitty. Was it worth it- No, it was the wrong thing to do. Are all of our lives better than they were? absolutely.
I am still friends with the exboyfriend I cheated with. He wanted a causal thing, always assuming I’d be around, I need stability, so after a few years of us being messy(while single!), I ended things with him as well and moved on. We’re not super close, but we catch up time to time. He tried to pull some inapproiate stuff 10+ years ago when I started dating my husband and I made it clear that shit was long over. As far as the ex I cheated on, he also moved on to someone much better for him and seems pretty happy.
I did in my first serious relationship but never again. Cheating is one of the worst things you can do to someone and the ultimate betrayal. I regret the pain I caused my ex. She made a couple mistakes of her own but she didn’t deserve it and that’s not the kind of person I ever want to be again. You can never expect to be deserving of a healthy trusting relationship if you can’t hold up your end of the deal.
Being on social media, I see many of my friends post pictures with their SO. Sometimes I feel like I am missing out on relationships but the comments in this post makes me glad that I am not involved in any relationships.
I’d rather keep my mental health in check than being in a relationship and risk being cheated on later. It’s scary out there.
Op, you are not getting the full story by posting this question. I see most of the cheaters feel guilty and ashamed (good). You know who you aren’t hearing from? The ones who don’t feel that way. And trust me, they are out there.
I’ve known several people who were cheaters (my ex-wife included), and guess what? They aren’t ate up by shame or guilt. They continued to live their life selfishly. More often than not, they never learn.
I cheated on my husband. It was not a good marriage at all. My mental health was worse than ever, I felt trapped living in his parents house which we were doing because he barely worked, my dad had just died a fast and traumatic death, I could go on about how incredibly emotionally unwell I was. My husband viewed me as his meal ticket for life – he actually said that to people. He told our daughter I didn’t want her. I got sick of it, had some other realizations about our relationship, and pretty much exploded in the worst possible way.
Ultimately I’m so, so thankful to be out of that relationship and to have recovered somewhat and rebuilt my life in the years since. But I will carry the self-disgust for the rest of my life. I feel like such a different person now after everything I’ve been through since then – it feels so easy now to just be direct about what I want. I feel I owe it to any future partners to admit this history of mine early on because some people feel strongly about “once a cheater, always a cheater.” My ex-husband behaves worse than ever these days and will tell people if I don’t so I’d rather own it myself, and be honest and open from day one about what I’ve been through.
I believe I will never ever cheat again. It was 1000% not worth it – I feel like I have a scarlet letter on my forehead, that I’m not worthy of any relationship now because of what I’ve done. I know I need to work through that.
Comments
Can’t relate, but I hope they feel terrible.
Once, in college. I don’t remember much of it because I had a serious drinking problem. I was struggling with my sexuality and the drinking didn’t help and I made a really bad choice. I’m lucky to have been forgiven, but it’s still my greatest regret in life. Yes my partner and I are still together (together for 20 years, married 15 of them)
Even if I learned some important things about myself via this huge mistake, I don’t consider it worth it and it’s the one act in my life that I would erase if I could.
I have cheated. People will be disappointed by my answer. I felt no guilt and it was actually a catalyst for a lot of change in my life, so although it was the wrong thing to do and I wouldn’t do it again, to answer your question it was worth it.
Here we go with “It was terrible when I got caught, but we grew from it and everything got even better” nonsense.
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I wasn’t the cheater but I was cheated on 3 times in 12 years the first 2 I forgave and we ended up with 3 beautiful babies so the last time I had a great job only thing they worked us 12 hrs 6 days a week like slaves but I was making so much and working we was just saving until I called on my break one day kids answer tell me moms out front with her boyfriend that was 5 years ago I’m over it the breakup of my family hurts but I couldn’t bring myself to do it again
The damage I could have caused the other person was not worth it. Happened a long time ago, it was one time and she never found out. We broke up for other reasons, but in a future relationship I was cheated on and found out. The damage it did to me was eye opening. I’ve never cheated again and I never will.
It wasn’t fucking worth it at all. The pain I caused still fucks with me. They didn’t deserve it. I was selfish and people got hurt.
It wasn’t fucking worth it at all. The pain I caused still fucks with me. They didn’t deserve it. I was selfish and people got hurt.
6 years ago, infidelity confined to text messages.
Regarding what happened, I feel like shit. I betrayed the trust of my partner, as well as betraying myself by acting in ways that were counterintuitive to my own character.
Regarding what I did after, I feel much better. I pursued therapy, read books, absorbed anything and everything I could to better understand my own actions, which seemed so far removed from the person I thought I was.
The books “The State of Affairs” by Esther Perel and “Not Just Friends” (can’t remember the author) were very influential. They made me realize that people cheat not because of circumstance, but behavior, and that the surest way to guard against infidelity is total honesty with your partner and strict boundaries regarding everyone else.
The relationship eventually ended last year, but it was amicable. We’re good friends, and she holds no ill will about what happened.
How can I say that I should’ve known better but I definitely realized I just wanted someone else and was too cowardly to go after them and let what I had go before
I was involved with some girls that were less than what I wanted or needed and I couldn’t even tell you why they were great just I wasn’t satisfied
But just being wanted I guess
I was so insecure and so selfish I felt validated by more than just one woman
Not proud but it’s happened and well now I’m single and avoiding anybody I see because no one is what I want anymore
I think I deserve to be alone so yeah 👍
I’ve noticed in a lot of conversations in this thread, there’s a tendency to focus on the cheater’s justifications—how they were unhappy, how it just ‘happened,’ or how they’re in a better place now. But what about the person they left behind?
Cheating doesn’t just end a relationship—it often shatters someone’s trust, self-worth, and sense of security. That matters. We can’t keep glossing over the harm caused just because someone feels better after moving on.
Love is one of the most sacred, vulnerable bonds we can form with another human being. Breaking that in secret and without care is not just a mistake—it’s a betrayal. And that deserves acknowledgment, not excuses.
Never did understand why people in relationships never broke it off. Instead they kept it and cheated with a new piece.
I’ve been the other guy that someone cheated with; that felt pretty terrible when I initially found out despite not knowing previously. She did a pretty good job hiding it from the both of us and even after we found out, strung us both along for a while. I ended up disappearing myself from her/them cold turkey and never really got any closure.
I feel alright bc I’ve moved on. I felt like crap for sure when I did it tho. I wasn’t in love with my ldr anymore and I was afraid to leave him. So I ended up kissing a friend of mine when I was drunk
it was not worth it at all and i continue to feel guilty about it. i felt guilty the second it happened and i dont remember enjoying it in the moment either. it was years ago and i was scared thats just who i am as a hole person an absolute monster. but im not. ive had nightmares about it this whole time and it ate me alive but my experience isnt what mattered it was about their horrible experience after i told them. i made a really bad decision. i have my understanding of it now and why it happened but its no excuse or justification for the bad and damaging choice i made. after i told my partner the next time i saw them they wanted to stay together for some reason. i said no and held my ground for a few months because it was not a good relationship but they wanted to continue it and i ended up agreeing later. i cant imagine the pain i caused but thankfully they are married with kids now and even though they caused me long lasting damage totally seperate from what i did i honestly hope they are happy now because i will never forget what i did or take it lightly
I was a serial cheater. I deeply hurt and created trauma in my long term partner. It’s been over a year and I still feel shame, guilt, loss of pride and respect. I presented myself as someone who I was not to her and my friends and rightfully so I’ve lost both.
How can you trust someone who would do the worst possible thing to the person you are to care for? I understand why people dislike and hate me. But also to answer your question, I feel motivated, appreciative, and relieved right now. If I didn’t get caught I would’ve never stopped. I was told before for an alcoholic one drink is too many and 1000 is not enough. The reasons I cheated were brought to light and I don’t think it’s more than I’m a piece of shit; I have no self worth, i have narcissistic tendencies, i seek validation, i don’t respect my word and honesty.
I’m not my mistakes and one thing I noticed after d-day they call it, I love my partner. I would give my life for her and at the moment she has taken me back. How can I not love someone who still loves me for who I am even after I’ve hurt her like an out of control driver hitting an undeserving victim.
I made a mistake but I’m not that mistake. I will continue to be a better person and I will love my partner in ways I never could before.
It wasn’t worth it and I hurt my ex partner in ways that I will always feel guilt for. I wish I had communicated rather than doing something that I, and my ex, will always have to live with.
I did it once when I was 21. Even worse, I cheated on him with his best friend.
I’m sure he’s moved on now, but I haven’t. The pain and harm I caused will live with me forever and that’s something I feel I deserve. No one should ever hurt someone like that. It changed the way I think about myself. I will never in my life cheat on someone again.
I don’t keep it a secret either, I’ve told every partner I’ve had since. I told my whole family. I’ve been told I should forgive myself, but I simply cannot. It’s just a horrible thing to do to someone.
Not worth it. We were close already as friends, she (not single) started it. Truth be told it was just nice to be wanted at first. She told me she loved me, I fell in love with her too. Talked about how she would leave her man for me countless times. Then eventually things got ugly… Not worth it, deeply regret it. But I can be absolutely sure I will never put myself or another person in that situation ever again, that’s my life lesson learned.
I cheated on my highschool sweetheart when I was in college in a different state. We had opened the relationship, then closed it, but I felt like I was hot shit and kept hooking up with other girls.
Her and I ended up breaking up just after the end of the first semester, a few days before I went home. I kinda expected it but was still messed up emotionally. Turns out she hooked up with and started dating my buddy from home around the same time.
A few months later she called me out on cheating, and I realized how badly it hurt to hurt someone like that, and to find out I was also cheated on. I swore then I wouldn’t cheat again and that it was a deal breaker, and if I wanted to cheat in any way I was ending the relationship first.
I still feel terrible about what I did and how I hurt her, and have kept the promise I made to myself.
Since then, I haven’t cheated but I was cheated on in a later relationship. It was worth it in the literal physical sense as some of those girls led me to interesting situations and I learned a lot from those times, but morally and mentally it wasn’t as that weight still exists.
As good as somebody with literally zero integrity would feel presumably.
Never had to cheat, had a long honest talk with my gf when I thought we were getting too serious at too young of an age, because I am/was a horny little heathen and I didn’t want to end up blaming or resenting her for “holding me back.” We both decided we would be “open” to potential hookups with other people. She said that wasn’t for her, she wasn’t going to pursue anyone else, but even though it hurt her to think about it, she did understand where I was coming from, and she loved me so much that she was willing to deal with the possibility of me doing it. I said I would prefer if she told me just so I knew what was going on, she told me she would rather just not know or hear about it at all, but would want me to be safe and get tested.
That was like four years ago, we’ve been together 8 years, and neither of us have hooked up with anyone other than each other.
I felt a huge sense of relief knowing our feelings for each other went beyond just being possessive, I felt more free knowing the option was there for me, but I never felt the need to really actively pursue anyone else because our sex life is still good. Wouldn’t change a thing, and my love for her grows stronger every day, through every trial we face together.
Basically, just communicate healthily with your partner about your needs and your boundaries. Long term relationships should be about supporting each other’s growth, but simultaneously loving people for who they are, not just who they might become. Understand/find out what your limits are, because all relationships require some level of compromise (but not enough to grow hateful), understand that breaking up is completely natural and very few people are compatible as life partners, work hard for each other… But above all else, communicate.
No, when I think about it it horrifies me. I will try to never cause that amount of pain again. Also, I guess the fact my libido is nearly dead now is karmic.
I was an idiot but I have learned.
Hold on, let me forward this to my ex-wife.
Hell no.
My ex said it was worth it.
Yes. Before you call me a monster, he was abusive. Isolating me from my friends and family, bashing me to his friends and publicly humiliating me, controlling what I wear, constantly SA’ing me despite repeated attempts to get him to stop. No did not mean no to him. Sleeping didn’t even mean no, I would wake up being used like a pocket pussy. I cheated, he saw me as a dirty whore, screamed at me and beat on his steering wheel while driving before dropping me off at my grandparents. It was worth it.
Tbf, I should’ve cheated.. never did tho, honestly regret it
If you have to ask about this break up with them. You obviously don’t really want to be in that relationship.
It wasn’t worth it. I cheated with a few different people and never once did I feel good about it afterwards. I always felt bad and the sex wasn’t good at all. I still think about it from time to time and feel bad about hurting someone who loved me so much just because I could.
I cheated because he was always demeaning me and I figured out he was using me for what he thought were financial benefits when I was just nice and gifted him a lot even though I am, by no means, well off. Definitely don’t regret it. Never cheated on anyone who wasn’t a total ass. Just leaving when they’re that rude feels like losing some kind of game.
I’ve been cheated on, I’ve been the cheater, and I’ve been the person that helped someone in a relationship cheat. All of these situations happened in early adulthood. When I think back on these times I cringe so hard, almost cry if I think about it too hard. Never worth it.
The “was it worth it” part should always explain the impact to the one you cheated on in the justification.
Was it worth it to you and was it worth it to them.
Yes and no.
I was faithfull for 8 years, but he was often away and was really bad at communication. The first time I felt really guilty, but aftertime it was like a switch went off and I cared less and less.
I loved him and still do, but I was not in love anymore and to much of a coward to end things. He finally discovered it and left without a word. We have seen each others since and talked, and I know the damage I’ve done.
I don’t regret it because I think it was better to end our relationship, but I’ml never forgive myself for hurting him this much.
I caused an insane amount of pain and regretted it. Never did it again though.
I was feeling neglected but doesn’t mean he deserved it. Do I regret it? I regret not being mature enough or having the backbone to end a relationship I wasn’t happy in because I was more afraid of being alone. Both of us would’ve wasted less time.
We started the relationship really early, we were both 12-13 having sex consistently (with protection)… and as you might imagine, madly in love with each other.. I think due to our lack of emotional maturity, this situation led us to over reacting/acting out against each in an extremely unhealthy way.. we actually were together for about 20 years (maybe 3ish years off here and there, moving on then inevitably coming back together), never married, never had kids.. it was really toxic there at the end (this was about 5 years ago now) and no doubt it was due to all the cheating we’d done to one another over the years.. I don’t think it was necessarily either of our fault, just formed a really unhealthy bond with a person you deeply cared for.. shit was complicated and I don’t regret our time together, just regret some of the decision we (mostly I) made to stay together.. I probably should see a therapist about that..
It was not worth it. I still kick myself 5 years later for hurting someone I loved.
It ruined my marriage and ruined my ex wife’s self-esteem, it’s without a doubt the biggest regret of my life.
I think about it every day and honestly if I could take it back and just be a better man I would.
Ask my soon to be ex-wife.
I still feel pretty sick about it and I doubt that will ever change, and it’s been 5 years.
Long story short, cheated on my ex with an ex. The reasons aren’t relevant, as far as I’m concerned. I realized what I was doing was terrible and put a stop to it. Told my then current partner (the one that I cheated on) about the infidelity and basically crawled back to her begging for forgiveness.
I hurt multiple people due to a few moments of weakness. We tried to make it work for another year or so (I stayed faithful) but it didn’t work out. She told me she couldn’t get over it, which was understandable, and we parted ways.
I left quite the trail of destruction in my wake, it makes me want to throw up. I can’t even fathom how the other people feel.
If anyone else is getting pissed off reading about everyone’s justifications for doing it, I implore you to read this post from a few days ago and it might cheer you up
Confession time… my husband was having a full blown affair with his colleague 10 years younger. I knew. I called it. I challenged them. Heck, I even contacted their employer. ( Further context, the 18months they were falling in love, he beat me, SA’d me, verbally abused me, financially controlled me and generally did what he could to make sure I ended us…)
Scenario post me finding out they’re ‘together’
Her Boyfriend reached out …
I ended my marriage.
I slept with her boyfriend.
Revenge? Loneliness? Cameraderie?
I don’t know. Two lonely abused people falling into bed with one another.
Did she care? Not one jot…
Did he care? Seemingly not…
She got engaged to my husband within a 9 months post divorce – less than 18 months post me sleeping with her boyfriend ( he was slightly older so I didn’t feel too bad!)
Now…
I’m remarried to my childhood sweetheart. Happy. In love. Accepting life is challenging but I’m happy.
I’m still distant friends with her ex who is also happily married. My now husband knows her ex checks in every now and again, totally platonic. No feelings.
Them… well, married. Kid, house. She’s welcome to him. He’s welcome to her. They’re rotten evil abusive people.
There’s a short version of a horrid 2 years.
I was looking for something my partner couldn’t give me. But yet was not brave enough to end the relationship. It would’ve been better to end the relationship.
I cheated on my girlfriend when I was pretty young. Like 20 maybe. I don’t know. Up until her, not many girls gave me a shot. Looking back, the flood gates kind of opened relatively after I got my first really serious gf.
The first time was with someone close to my gf. I remember like a weird feeling in my body like not quite out of body but it truly felt like crossing a rubicon. Like there was no going back. One I did it, I will have always done it. There were a few other girls. It was easier the second time because it was already done. I told myself I’m young and whatever. And I’m basically just the one suffering here in the relationship because I have this secret.
Our relationship also became long distance with me at college. I didn’t have sex with anyone bun I did fool around with some girls I met there and even one from home that would visit me sometimes (I really liked her). You might wonder why I even stayed in a relationship. Well, she was my first love so I don’t know I guess that’s why.
I felt bad at the time and regretted it later. One of the girls closer her told my gf about one of the other girls close to her well after we broke up and she called me and was like wtf? The girl didn’t confess about herself for some reason and I spilled beans then. I think they’re still friends. But as I grew up I regretted how I was. Like she was pretty great but I was too young and inexperienced to appreciate it. She didn’t deserve that.
At the time I was worth it because sex is fun. But this far removed from the sex, I’m just left with the memory of cheating on someone that really cared about me. I will say she was pretty young too and I heard she may have cheated on me at some point but never got any really concrete details on that as we had been broken up for a while when I learns about it and it didn’t matter.
Side note, my friends wife cheated on him and blew up their family and she seems to be in a much better place now. So she might say it was worth it.
100% not worth it. I did it because my partner was doing it and I wanted to see how awesome it must be. Turns out they must have really been feeling like a bag of shit.
Oh gods I wouldn’t wish the emotional turmoil on anyone it caused.
Mines a very odd case though. Not excusing my behavior in any means! I took full responsibility for my actions and knew I fucked up 0.5 second after it happened.
In the best short story I can make it, my ex and I were in a somewhat open relationship. We opened it up about a couple years into dating since we were always busy and we’re only able to see each other maybe once a week if we were lucky. We met at 18F/19M(myself). Upon opening it though, she immediately found a partner within 24 hours and had sex but then she had some emotional complications about the whole thing. So I felt bad and never sought out a partner for a long time as I was too scared it would hurt her. But that changed maybe 2 years later when a girl at work started talking to me and we hit it off great. My ex and I we’re barely having sex at this point as our relationship was already falling apart due to so many stresses but we were still in a open relationship and I was really sexually attracted to my coworker. I told my ex, she approved knowing I never took another partner, and my coworker and I had sex. Which was the problem. This is gonna sound fucked but that one night of sex was better than any of the 5-6 years of sex I had with my ex and I was hooked on the natural chemistry my coworker and I had.
My coworker felt the same and wanted to keep something going between us so I told my ex and we hesitantly experimented as a throuple and even had sex together which went well too. But then that’s when things fell apart for my ex who didn’t communicate her jealousy at the time and after sleeping together didn’t want me and my coworker having sex while she thought of things.
And this is where I fucked up as my coworker was in our house still as my ex went to work and her and I couldn’t hold ourselves away and we had sex. This is when my emotions filled me up and realized even though we’re open, I just defied and betrayed my ex’s trust. My coworker tried to persuade me not to tell but I just couldn’t bare it. Out relationship was in shambles and me cheating or not would have probably ended within a year or two but I still loved her and I told her the same day what we did.
My ex, being already emotionally unstable from declining metal health that her and I shared from all the shit we were already going through, snapped.
For about the next year, I moved in with my best friend and his family, I struggled with choosing between the love of my ex or the passion of my coworker, went on again and off again with my ex and then finally I ended it all about a well after Valentine’s Day of 2022. She absolutely flipped out again as I was firm at this point and fully woke up to that what I did was truly the straw that broke the camels back and no matter how hard we tried, we were done.
Though she then met and dated her current boyfriend that’s she’s with to this day within 24 hours of this final breakup so I honestly don’t know if she was truly distraught or was just pissed that I ended things before she did.
Almost a year later after a shit load of therapy and getting a better job that allowed me to be more independent, I finally met my current girlfriend who I am still with to this day. She’s fully aware of what I did to my ex and was scared at first but she believes me that I horribly regret it all and would never put myself or anyone else through that amount of pain again. It’s just too much pain for such a momentary animalistic pleasure. Plus it did help that I had my best friend and his wife who were close to my ex too give their testimony of everything and give proof to how much I changed myself.
I saw a comment about how nobody is saying what happened to the ex or how they’re fairing. For mine, she’s doing okay as far as I know. I get little bits of information and gossip about her from my best friend’s wife who still follows her on social media and sometimes talks to. She’s still with the guy she met less than a day after I broke up with her lol. So I’m gur they’re doing fine. I heard she started a business too which honestly pissed me off because she acted for 5 fucking years that she’s incapable of working and would barely hold a job for more than 3 months and I am still paying for the debt she caused me from barely working and I had to support us both on minimum wage. Woman could have worked the whole time but just didn’t have the motivation until she had no money coming in anymore lol.
But yeah, it’s been a crazy past 3 or so years for me but I learned a lot about myself through it and came out the other side a better man. And I now have a partner who’s much more there for me emotionally and in the 2 years we’ve been together we’ve hadn’t had a day where we didn’t laugh together at least once yet.
We decided to get a divorce but we were technically married when I started talking to other women. She calls it cheating I call it moving on and being done with her emotionally manipulating me by threatening auicide. This was my way to work on being happy again.
Good amount of back story here but we didn’t live together for nearly a year and she withheld intimacy from me except for 2 times in that time frame. She also chose not to live with me and to live with her mom and also take my kids away from me and forced me to make 4 hour one way trips anytime I wanted to see them.
Yes. I cheated once. I kissed another women. We have been married for 15 years ans have 2 kids. Best decision I’ve made.
A lot poorer because I went to a fuck-ton of therapy. But happier because I recognize what the problem was: me. I wasn’t happy and I took it out on people who deserved better. I should have ended relationships instead of finding someone else to make me happy. I am not well suited for LDRs, I need someone close. I
do live thé ENM lifestyle now which has helped because I recognize it gives me the full “experience” of what I want in relationships; a main partner and side flings here and there. My partner and I are both former cheaters and we have an incredibly close bond navigating this space together and use our cheating as a talking point “this is how I would feel before cheating.” No point in shying away.
Cheated twice.
Once on my high-school ex. My pube hormones wanted to fuck like a rabbit. She didn’t have the confidence to go all the way. It also “hurt” for her for some reason I never learned.
Pissed me off. I got drunk and slept with a project neighborhood mattress. No regrets, it was high-school. The guilt killed me and I dumped both girls.
Cheated on ex I met when I was homeless (at 18). She left the area to visit a friend. I found someone to make out with and try to fuck on. Didn’t work out that way, she found out, stayed with me.
.. eventually Cheated on me. Lol.
Ever since I’ve always been Cheated on.
Im so curious about this because everyone’s saying they wish they would’ve just ended it. no shit. you shouldn’t have had to hurt someone in that way to gain that low level amount of empathy.
I had guys for years telling me I deserved better than my boyfriend and even though I agreed with them, I wanted my ex to be better. I had countless “opportunities” in my face the 4+ years we were together but chose to respect my partner and relationship every time.
he went out of his way to find a stranger online to cheat with the day before valentine’s day while i was at work.
Genuinely curious to read these answers tbh.
Like hell. I did it to a girlfriend I (deep down) probably knew at the time was probably going to be my wife. Did it for some harmony of reasons I could not (and will never) articulate or justify. Just a toxic mix of fear, alcohol, and being long distance/lonely. Thought I was doing the right thing and could fix things with her by confessing. It was the right thing still, but it didn’t work. My dating life and mental health have been in the dumpster ever since. She is happily in a new relationship and I am pursuing an order of protection against my ex. Happened all the way back in 2021 and I’m still not over it. Don’t do it!
While I didn’t have the greatest partner, it wasn’t worth it. It’s a heavy pain that I carry with me every single day. We’ve been divorced two years now and he’s happily remarried. He deserves it.
I wish I could tell him how sorry I am.
I was in a 6 year relationship and had an online affair in the last 8 months of it. She didn’t know, I was extremely careful. My affair partner was probably the only person in my life at the time who was nice to me and gave me any kindness. Someone I could talk about the abuse with, who didn’t immediately tell me to leave, but just listen and relate. There was never spouse bashing. It was just kinship.
It was a combination of things that lead to me seeking it out, going from lurking to messaging to a full blown affair partner. The relationship I was in was very abusive. I didn’t see a lot of it. I just thought something was broken in me and that my partner hated me. I genuinely felt like a terrible person for about the last 2 years. At that time she lost her job due to her anger issues. She started drinking extremely heavily. She didn’t get another job. I can’t even write out how many things she did that changed my perception of reality and my self concept. A lot of it had to do with sex. I wasn’t affectionate enough, I was always tired, I was too uptight or controlling. We started sleeping in separate rooms. Sex was completely one sided. I was never touched or given release after. She wasn’t interested in my side of it. She would joke about me masturbating often, or how needy I was, or make fun of my kinks. Several people in her life had been trying to have affairs with me about a year before I reached my breaking point. Two of her cousins, one of her friends. Several other people I met through my job, too. So I was being ridiculed and evaluated constantly at home, but desired everywhere else outside of her.
She kept offering an open relationship but only for me to have sex with other people. Just hookups, robotic sex. I started thinking that was the only way I’ll ever have another person touch me and desire me. Was without any emotion. I was terrified. That’s what my experience and needs were to her. Not that I was lonely, or felt disgusting. Not that I was overwhelmed with her anger, her drinking and drug use, that she never chose me over her friends, that I did all of the cleaning and cooking. Then it was picking at how frustrating my disability, or my family, or my job, or my friends were. By the time I had reached the point of looking at affair groups, there were so many screaming, crying, spiralling arguments. Everytime I would beg and make compromises, promises that I would do better. That I would touch her more, have sex more, listen to her more. I felt that I was a broken person who didn’t know how to take care of someone. One time we had a good friend over and she asked me in the middle of the night if she could fuck him on the couch in the next room. And was angry at me for saying no.
A lot of people say things like “why wouldn’t you just leave” and the answer is really simple. You’re not ready, you think things will get better at home, and/or the relationship has beat you down to such a point that you feel helpless and useless. Like dirt. You have no value without them. So you hide. You act. You try your best to be what they want. Even if you’re already separating from the relationship in some way, you do think it’s going to get better. You don’t want to take the step that could destroy your whole life. You don’t feel ready for it. It’s not going to be a ‘good’ reason for a lot of people. But for me, and the people I knew who were seeking infidelity – there were so many extremely difficult circumstances surrounding it all. Complete lack of intimacy, children, disease, death, mental illness, lack of family or any support, financial ties or restrictions, just plain mental and emotional and physical abuse. I was severely depressed and stopped being able to get her off at all. I couldn’t touch her or emotionally connect. Everything was so draining and one sided. I felt like a mom, a maid, a sex slave. I was scared, and extremely sad. And I couldn’t feel any of it, because there would just be more anger. There were never compromises. If I brought something up, it would be a breakup conversation in response. Or the “talk” would get so spiraled that I would forget what was happening during it. Every talk started being like that. I couldnt remember what was said the entire time. Just that I would start getting extremely confused and disregulated, and eventually start begging for forgiveness.
She ended it one day. “You keep saying you’re going to get better, but I don’t think you ever will.” I packed my stuff in 3 weeks. Didn’t look back. How she treated me once we weren’t a couple wasn’t shocking, but it was shocking. She did a few things that resulted in me severing contact completely. It was all bad. Distorted, painful, cruel. I don’t miss her. I didn’t like who I was with her. I didn’t get to be soft, talk about feelings, to have a partner who spoke to me gently and openly. I didn’t get to be loved for me. So yeah, I cheated. I don’t regret it. It was probably something that kept me sane and helped me remember I was a person outside of my relationship.
My affair partner turned into my friend. He truly did give me a safe space. He’s getting divorced now. I hope he feels better and finds happiness. I used to think cheater’s were the scum of the earth. I was SO vehemently against it. I don’t necessarily view things under a black and white lense anymore. I learned I’m capable of cheating if certain circumstances happen. I learned I’m not as steady and loyal as I truly believed I was. I also learned that love isn’t enough to stay with someone.
Sigh, everyone will hate me anyway, and I get it, but I’ll tell the story.
It was close to 20 years ago, when I was in my early 20s. My boyfriend and I had been off and on, fighting a lot, generally a miserable toxic relationship but we lived together and kept trying to make it “work.” I didn’t recognize the term emotional cheating at the time, but that’s how it started. I had became really good friends with one of my exboyfriends, as he would always be there for me- particularly whenever my boyfriend and I were having problems. Likewise I was there for said ex as he and his girlfriend broke up. On a break from college, I went home to visit my family and friends while my boyfriend went to his home state to do the same. Ex and I ended up sleeping together and I felt like complete shit. It is the worst thing I’ve ever done to someone, and I don’t know why I didn’t just break up beforehand. I hadnt planned on sleeping with him but I still did. I knew after the fact there was no coming back from that, the fact that I allowed myself to cheat, it was over. I never told my boyfriend what happened; I just became very distant and broke up once we both flew back. Our last year together was really rocky so he didn’t even question if there was a catalyst or just time apart. I dont know if I should have told him what happened or if it was better left unsaid. I look back at the multiple years of fights, screaming, and insults, and I don’t understand why I just didn’t break up without betrayal first. I feel horrible for the specific act, but honestly, I am glad SOMETHING finally ended that relationship.
I have never cheating since and I never would. So how do I feel about it- guilty and shitty. Was it worth it- No, it was the wrong thing to do. Are all of our lives better than they were? absolutely.
I am still friends with the exboyfriend I cheated with. He wanted a causal thing, always assuming I’d be around, I need stability, so after a few years of us being messy(while single!), I ended things with him as well and moved on. We’re not super close, but we catch up time to time. He tried to pull some inapproiate stuff 10+ years ago when I started dating my husband and I made it clear that shit was long over. As far as the ex I cheated on, he also moved on to someone much better for him and seems pretty happy.
Don’t do it, I miss my old life so much. Now all there is is struggle.
I did in my first serious relationship but never again. Cheating is one of the worst things you can do to someone and the ultimate betrayal. I regret the pain I caused my ex. She made a couple mistakes of her own but she didn’t deserve it and that’s not the kind of person I ever want to be again. You can never expect to be deserving of a healthy trusting relationship if you can’t hold up your end of the deal.
She hates me she found out it was with her sister
Being on social media, I see many of my friends post pictures with their SO. Sometimes I feel like I am missing out on relationships but the comments in this post makes me glad that I am not involved in any relationships.
I’d rather keep my mental health in check than being in a relationship and risk being cheated on later. It’s scary out there.
Op, you are not getting the full story by posting this question. I see most of the cheaters feel guilty and ashamed (good). You know who you aren’t hearing from? The ones who don’t feel that way. And trust me, they are out there.
I’ve known several people who were cheaters (my ex-wife included), and guess what? They aren’t ate up by shame or guilt. They continued to live their life selfishly. More often than not, they never learn.
I cheated on my husband. It was not a good marriage at all. My mental health was worse than ever, I felt trapped living in his parents house which we were doing because he barely worked, my dad had just died a fast and traumatic death, I could go on about how incredibly emotionally unwell I was. My husband viewed me as his meal ticket for life – he actually said that to people. He told our daughter I didn’t want her. I got sick of it, had some other realizations about our relationship, and pretty much exploded in the worst possible way.
Ultimately I’m so, so thankful to be out of that relationship and to have recovered somewhat and rebuilt my life in the years since. But I will carry the self-disgust for the rest of my life. I feel like such a different person now after everything I’ve been through since then – it feels so easy now to just be direct about what I want. I feel I owe it to any future partners to admit this history of mine early on because some people feel strongly about “once a cheater, always a cheater.” My ex-husband behaves worse than ever these days and will tell people if I don’t so I’d rather own it myself, and be honest and open from day one about what I’ve been through.
I believe I will never ever cheat again. It was 1000% not worth it – I feel like I have a scarlet letter on my forehead, that I’m not worthy of any relationship now because of what I’ve done. I know I need to work through that.