Today, when I was walking back from uni to my apartment, an old man (around 55–60 or more) made eye contact with me, smiled, and then blew me a kiss. After that, he came really close to my right cheek and made a loud, disgusting kissing sound. I screamed at him, and he laughed and walked away. He has done this before on the same street twice.
I’m a 21-year-old female. I came to Manchester 1.5 years ago for uni, and ever since I arrived, old men always harass me in the same way.
I didn’t cry when it happened before and I will just ignore it but this time I cried till I got a headache and my eyes are burning now. I’m not sure if I can handle it again. I felt disgusted of myself.
Also some men tried to follow me around and to my apartment. I can’t go a week without a man trying to harass me.
Since these kind of situations always happen to me
I started to question the way I handle myself tbh
Comments
you didn’t cry because you’re weak—you cried because your body’s fed up with surviving
this isn’t about “one old man”
it’s about the drip of fear, disgust, and rage that builds up when no one around you protects you
and every time you flinch or shrink or scream, they laugh like it’s a game
you are not the problem. they are
what you can do:
but most of all—don’t swallow it
tell friends, tell uni, tell Reddit
you deserve to feel safe and seen
OP, this sounds like a horrible thing to have repeatedly experienced. I hope you are never exposed to it again. Are you allowed to carry dog repellent/mace where you are? If you are and the reprocussions of using it on another person is not severely punishable, I’d recommend carrying some on a keychain or in an easily accessible pocket. You may feel a lot safer with that option.
Pepper spray that mf or if you really want him to feel it then bear spray.
pepper spray..
also try to speak to police, for youe own safety, it would be better to get him reported .
Had some very similar experiences in my late teens/early twenties.
I stopped dressing nice, cut my hair into a pixie cut, and stopped wearing makeup every day. I adopted more of a tomboy/grunge style.
It sucks, looking back, that I felt the need to change myself to stop the unwanted attention.
But it worked and even now at 30yo I don’t know what I could’ve done differently.
Only now, 10 years later, with a husband etc, have I grown my hair out and started dressing up again.
Get a taser. Get bear mace.
Next time that happens, you see him coming, whatever. Pull that shit out.
Also practice with it so you can get a good feel and know what you’re working with.
As a fellow woman- I am SO sorry and I wish I could give you much better advice than to learn to protect yourselves but we all know what would happen if you called the cops over this. I know it’s not a small thing, but you get what I’m saying.
The only other advice I have is EMBARRASS HIM!! Call him a fat ugly old fuck and tell him to keep his kisses and nasty looks to himself. SCREAM IT.
Is pepper spray legal in the UK?
If not, check what is, and carry that. Maybe one of those perfumed spray deodorants, and you felt you needed to reapply but, oops, he got in the way.
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As a fellow adopted Manc, I’m so sorry. This is not acceptable and I hate that this is happening to you.
You can report it to the police on the non-emergency line – they won’t do much at first but if you and others keep reporting it then eventually they may have a pattern and will do something.
We (in the US) have baseball bats for kids in lots of stores. They are hard, strong aluminum, but shorter than a bat for adults. I’m an old gal, but too many men these days think they’re being sexy or funny. I get “those looks” and have old guys come up and try to talk to me pretty often.
On the street, carry a bat or pepper spray. I also have a personal alarm that is on my pepper spray canister. Just pull the pin, and it SCREAMS for attention.
Another possible deterrent: I have a beautiful wedding ring, and a husband, but I don’t wear my ring to work on our farm. I got an inexpensive silver band with channel-set zirconia, and wear it when I run errands in town.
If I see some hairy-legged old goat eying me, I yawn, covering my mouth with my left hand. So far, it has worked; as soon as they see that ring, they look away.
Stay safe, dear. We all understand how you feel.
Your brain is meant to think he’s vulnerable because he’s old. But he thinks that makes him immune to consequences. I always tell my daughter to kick them in the personals if they do stuff like that and now I’m telling you the same thing
Since you’re in the UK, a small air horn or loud alarm keychain will help since you “can’t” arm yourself. I would still be arming myself with what I could, but that’s just me. They have kitty ear self defence keychains online that you could get away with carrying. Even if you never use something that could be deemed as a weapon in self defence, just having that item on your person will make you feel safer and less vulnerable. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
OP. It is not on you
It is entirely on this gross ass pos bully who thinks sexual assault is funny.
And you can’t control his behaviour but you can control yours and your responses.
He’s got a response from you so he’s going to try again (probably). So you could do what you normally do and record everything and take it to the police. Or you could carry whatever is legal for protection in the UK, a loud air horn thing or as someone suggested Deep Heat Spray. Squirt hand sanitizer in his mouth/face/eyes if he comes near you 🤷🏻♀️
What you could also do is walk home with someone, sign up for some women’s self defence classes or join a gym that has boxing classes. Kick boxing classes, anything that makes you feel more confident in yourself and what your body can do.
Go online and learn the basic ‘nose nuts guts’ / Solar plexis, Instep, Nose, Groin ‘SING’ (from Miss Congeniality) anything like that and USE IT after telling him loudly to stay away from you or to leave you alone.
Don’t let this asshole ruin anything else. Get mad. Get educated and get powerful.
Here is an Internet mum hug of you want it
Please report him. Like a non emergency police help line? This man could potentially be dangerous. Creepy men are often unpredictable and may want to take it further than just doing what he’s doing now.
As others have said, it’s not you, it’s them. Also, a loud noisemaker. Whistles are portable and don’t require batteries and get everyone’s attention.
Also, check around for self defense classes. I know in the US a lot of police departments offer free self defense classes. They will help you feel more confident in these situations and less like a victim. That confidence may also make some of them back off.
It’s valid to be upset about this. It doesn’t mean you are weak.
In addition to the suggestions about filing police reports, self defense classes, varying your route and arming yourself with a rape alarm, I think it’s important that you work on your mental resilience.
You can’t control how these creeps behave but you can control how you react to it. I’m sure part of the thrill for them is seeing your reaction (upset, fear etc). Know that they are just weak men, projecting their own insecurities by trying to get power over you.
Find ways of building that mental barrier. Examples could include: imagining their words just bouncing off you, like you are covered in armour plating, positive affirmations about yourself (“I am a strong confident woman” etc), trying not to show any reaction, seeing it as a test to show how strong you are.