I always thought I was right and had a reason for everything I did, I thought I was in the right too. I looked back on my experience throughout high school and middle school and realized I am truly a terrible friend, even person…
in high school I had a project I was doing for a class and I got criticized on it, my main problem was that I was stuttering during the presentation part since I was nervous and my friend said that I need to stop stuttering and few more more things and that everything else was good. After the class I went into the locker room and my friends asked about the paper I was holding (which had the stuff I needed to work on) and I talked about it with my friends and they said she was fake and that they would’ve gave her a 0 when scoring her. I didn’t know how to respond because I felt terrible and I tried to back her up a bit by saying that I was stuttering a lot and I should work on it, but they kept going. She then came up to me and asked me “did I have a problem with her or the paper cause she could take it back.” We made up for it but I still feel guilty because I should’ve just told them to stop but I didn’t…
Not even a few maybe weeks later one of those friends told me that they were having problems in their relationship and I felt overwhelmed so then I talked about it with a mutual friend and it got back to her and her partner. I didn’t think it would i just thought I was telling another friend about how I felt but then it lead to a breakup (I don’t feel that bad because he used to call me her a bitch and say nasty stuff about her and she called him out on it and he continued)
Something like this happened again in middle school but it was different. I was bullied a lot growing up and so in most social situations I am awkward and I usually don’t know how to respond. One of my friends was with someone my other friend liked, so me I thought I was doing the right thing by telling the friend that person was with… I couldn’t have been so wrong I felt so terrible when I saw her face.
And this is just me scratching the tip of the iceberg of the things I’ve done… I realized how terrible of a friend I’ve been usually I would justify myself by telling myself all the things they’ve done to me and I took a second to think “what if it wasn’t meant in a bad way and I took it that way” and now thinking about it I should’ve went about it a different way, I feel stupid because of how bad I was as a friend and thinking I was a good friend.
Non of this was to justify my behavior, I just need advice on what to do now because I want to apologize badly but I feel like I would be awkward…
Comments
You’re still in high school, huh?