I usually don’t tell people how bad I feel because I don’t want to burden anyone. But recently I told my best friend that I’m not feeling well, that my problems are crashing down on me, and that some of my other health issues are making everything worse.
I told her I’ve been struggling with depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. At first, she kept asking me if I was okay, and I told her honestly that I’m not.
Her reply shocked me. She said things like:
• “You really need to get out of those negative thoughts.”
• “You’ve been stuck in this for over a year. And its all from stupidity you created for yourself”
• “You’re creating this yourself for no reason.”
• “It’s your choice not to go out.”
• “You could go for a walk, sit by the sea, read a book… but instead you keep pulling yourself into negativity.”
• “Everyone has problems, it’s just how you chose to deal with them. You are filled with neagativity for no reason… You need to snap out of it”
I can’t believe that’s the reply I got from someone who’s supposed to be my best friend. To me, it felt horrible…like she was blaming me for how I feel instead of understanding that depression isn’t just “negative thoughts” you can switch off.
I know not everyone understands what depression and anxiety are like, but this reply really hurt. It made me feel invalidated and even more alone. And honestly, moments like that can feel like they’re pushing me over the edge.
What hurts the most is that people could take a few minutes to learn what depression actually is. Everyone has access to Google, ChatGPT, articles, resources..so many ways to understand what someone is going through. But instead, some people choose not to, and then respond in ways that make things worse.
Edit: Just to add: I have an actual diagnosis and I’m taking prescribed antidepressants and benzodiazepines. This isn’t just “negative thinking.” I’m doing what I can medically, but moments like this from people close to me make it so much harder.
Comments
I understand this all too well. When my friend started saying things like this was when I started distancing myself from her. I’d be telling her about an issue and she’d brush it off. I stopped talking about my problems with anyone altogether.
I remember when my parents would stay up for hours exchanging heated conversations with friends about each others problems. Now, that’s all reserved for therapy.
It explains why so many people feel pent up right now…
Your feelings and struggle with depression is valid, and your friend is clearly not informed and was ill equipped to handle you to be showing vulnerability to them. Unfortunately, some people are like that. There is a case to be made that we can actively work towards feeling better and that to some degree we can change our state of mind, but that does not mean depression etc. Is something only in your head or that its a switch you can turn off.
Exercise helps a lot. If I was not jogging for five minuters a day I would feel lot worse. Hugs.
She doesn’t get it and she doesn’t have the empathy to try
Step back. You got this.
I cannot give you advice but I can share the way I coop with depression,anxiety and all the generational neurodivergent package.
First I gave up on pretending that other people understand or aknowledge my feelings or what is in my mind.
Also people cannot handle pity because it reflects on their own insecurity.
Second before going completely crazy and giving up almost everything I got closer to spirituality/faith/God that helped me the most out of everything.
what I realized is that I needed to stop putting everything on me and it seems like sharing the burden with some higher purpose or reality helped me release my burden and lightening it.
I have to say depression is never gonna leave we have to learn to see it as a part of us.
When is too loud it means that is time to start changing things around.
Depression can be also a moment where we just need to turn inwards.
Either way it must be accepted and not rejected as a state and just in that way we can learn to harvest from it.
Bless u all 💙
You’ve now learned one of the really big and important lessons. People don’t care abf don’t want to care. Telling people about depression is always going to be a mistake that will just make you feel even worse.