I recently found myself in a difficult position involving my best friend, who has been cheating on her boyfriend. Initially, I confided in one of her boyfriend’s friends because I couldn’t keep this secret to myself. I’ve always had strong feelings against cheating, especially since my friend has a history of it. This time, I felt directly involved as her boyfriend often reached out to me during their fights.
My friend expressed that she didn’t want to break up with him because she feared losing her large friend group. However, she frequently complained about her boyfriend being a “block” and openly flirted with his friends, even giving her number to a guy at an event who was interested in her. The following day, she was disappointed when he didn’t show any romantic interest.
Eventually, my friend discovered that I had informed her boyfriend’s friend, who then told him. When she confronted me, I panicked and initially denied it. Eventually, I came clean and told her boyfriend directly. Now, my friend is extremely upset with me, accusing me of betraying her and warning me that I will face severe karma for my actions.
Since then, we haven’t spoken. She has denied any accountability, and I feel like I hardly know her anymore. In her view, she hasn’t cheated at all. When I returned to school, we sat next to each other, but neither of us spoke a word. It’s been four months now, and the guilt has been eating me alive. I don’t know how to move forward from this. The boyfriend doesn’t believe me as she gaslighted him I guess and they both blocked me everywhere so I blocked them as well.
Comments
You will choose better friends as you become older. Do not involve yourself with these people any longer.
Many people will disagree, but my policy is to stay out of other people’s relationships. This is a fine example of why I do this.
The loss of your friend is no tragedy. This isn’t someone I would want to associate with. However, she’s convinced her boyfriend that you’re a liar, and he has probably concluded that you made this up because you were jealous of your friend, or wanted to be with him. Likely, he has told other people this, and your reputation has been harmed over a situation in which you had no part.
In the future, leave it alone. Ethically, you were in the right, but things end up this way so often, that it’s just not worth it to get involved. The last time I blew the whistle, I told a friend that his girlfriend was cheating, and she accused me of sexually assaulting her. They stayed together, and I lost that friend. Had her cheating not been so well known, her accusation could have ruined my life.
Your heart was in the right place, but you’re better off just letting other people make their own mistakes.
Those girls are the best 😋
Sometimes – often – relationships and friendships will run their course. Let it go and focus on more positive aspects of your life.
You did the right thing, you shouldn’t want someone like this in your life
Her telling you will face some karma is fucking rich !
Your friend is a shitty person. You did the right thing. When trying to figure out what the right thing to do first trust your gut, u clearly felt it was wrong. 2nd, put yourself in their situation. How would u feel if a guy dated u and dident wanna break up because of social implications, but still cheated on you with anyone and everyone they want to. Your friend is the one who made these choices, not you. They are the ones who need to deal with the consequences. If anything the one who has bad karma is her. She either has no idea how much she’s prolly hurting this dude or even worse doesn’t care.
It’s tricky being in that spot. Give your friend space to reflect on her actions, but let her know the truth was the right call for her boyfriend’s sake. Keep your distance for now to avoid tension, and if she reaches out, stay neutral but firm. Watch your own peace don’t let her choices drag you into drama.
Live and you learn. Maybe next time tell the BF directly and avoid additional people. Just move on and make new friends . Join clubs or get into hobbies not involving them.
You did the right thing. I hold my friends accountable for shitty behavior and refuse to be friends with unloyal people because it shows they’re unloyal to me.
“Now, my friend is extremely upset with me, accusing me of betraying her and warning me that I will face severe karma for my actions”
Fucking hilarious.
You just saved her ex boyfriend and yourselfs years of investing time into someone who is scum.
The plane is on the runway and is cleared for take-off, not much you can do except for sit back and “enjoy” the ride. I would just continue to live life as normally as I could, but I would also vehemently defend myself any time it came up with other friends
No one wants a rat for a “best friend”.
That’s not how you do your friends.
Damn, that’s a heavy situation. But honestly, you did what you thought was right, and if she can’t own up to her actions, that’s on her not you. Yeah, maybe the way it all came out wasn’t perfect, but the guilt you’re carrying isn’t yours to hold forever. People who lie and cheat will always try to flip it back on others. It sucks losing a friend, especially one you were close to, but maybe you’re just seeing who she really is now. Keep your head up and give it time it’ll hurt less, I promise.
Mind ya business next time. You need to take accountability that this was obviously going to happen so your shock that it did happen shocks me.
Why is the guilt eating you? What did you do wrong? How come she did the wrong thing and you feel guilty? It might be you miss other interactions with her but not this. Find a better friend with whom you have only the good interactions. They are out there
Is she worthy of being your friend? Just cut her off. Also I saw comment that the BF did not believe you. You have done your part, anything happens after this is not your issue anymore. You did your part.
Your “karma” will be good, because you brought justice in the universe
Guilt over what?
Being a moral person?
She’s not worth being your friend, find a better next time.
You didn’t have any proof??
If you have strong feelings against cheating then you don’t want to be friends with a cheater to begin with, so good riddance on that friendship. It’s just a shame that you didn’t have solid enough proof to convince the guy.
The way to move forward is to forget about those two and move on from them. He’ll find the truth out eventually and then she’ll reap what she sowed.
Why would you feel guilty when she’s the one who was doing something wrong? Why would you have bad karma for something she did wrong?
You did the right thing and her not talking to you is honestly a good thing. It sucks to lose friends but she doesn’t sound like the type of friend you want to have around anyways.
People who cheat are okay hurting people that they’re close to. It’s only a matter of time before she does something that hurts you.
Well good for you for doing your part and never feel guilty for doing the right thing even if it causes you pain and trust me good riddance she is not an acquaintance material let alone a best friend material well she has betrayed her bf the person she romantically loves what do you think she will do to you if it aligns with her benefit !???? You will make better friends and let them enjoy each other the bf got gaslighted so let him be these types of people only learn the hard way if ever that is and you live your life with a head held high for doing the right thing
Get better friends and when you do , stay out of their business.
She’s toxic and not worth being friends with
I might be late to the post, but you did the right thing. Cheating shouldn’t be condoned in any way. If they are not in an open relationship, neither side should be looking for a side piece. He deserves to know and if you need to vent, I’m sure people on reddit will be willing to listen and offer more advice. Stay true to your beliefs and you will find people who will truly be a good friend to you.
I would seriously suggest re-evaluating your friendship with this person, and question if you truly want to be friends with someone who has such horrible moral values
Remember awful people and good people are like oil and water They can never stay mixed together. Be happy she was cheating on her boyfriend and not with yours. Because it would’ve eventually happened.
Did she physically cheat?
Don’t feel bad for doing the right thing. Fk her.
Your friend sounds like a fucking lunatic, I would ask yourself ” why am I friends with this person again? “
I find it absolutely insane she believes in karma and not only that but thinks you’re the one who will suffer from ” bad karma ” for having integrity while she cheats on her bf. She’s unbelievably selfish
You will get your karma? Ask her how exactly? I am not a cheater so that someone would tell on me, the only karma you’d get is that on reddit. Enjoy them.
Peoples heart and mind is not a playground. It can actually end up a very dangerous situation. You made the right choice. 100%
Karma? grow up.
People often end up behaving like the friends they keep. Do you want to keep this friend? Do you really want to go down this road?
Mind your business is a good policy, you need better friends. What people do in their personal life is not your concern stop being mother Teresa. I hope you learned a lesson.
The trash took itself out.
I used to think like that, but you could have talked to your “friend” first. They don’t belong together if cheating is there. Did they invite you into their bedroom? Have they asked you to get involved or over stepped their boundary with you? I believe in karma, he was going to figure it out sooner or later. Something tells me she wasn’t a good friend to you in the first place or you dislike her. People typically do not like someone because they have something they want or something about them reminds you of yourself. Keep your circle small. Quality over quantity. I wish couples would just be honest, it really is awful to hurt from betrayal. You didn’t lose out by them ghosting you….she wasn’t good to you regardless.
If she can do this to her boyfriend, imagine what she would hide from you behind your back.
yeah ok so this whole thing’s messy but honestly u did what u had to do
keepin that secret would’ve just messed u up more u weren’t bein petty, u were bein real. if someone’s cheatin and draggin u into it, that’s not friendship, that’s manipulation
she’s mad cus u exposed her, not cus u betrayed her. real talk she already betrayed her boyfriend and disrespected u by puttin u in the middle
the guilt? yeah it makes sense. but don’t confuse it with regret over losin someone who wasn’t honest with u. u did the right thing even if it didn’t feel good
they both blocked u? cool. let them. u tried to bring truth and they weren’t ready. now u get to move on clean. protect ur peace and forgive urself u got a conscience and that’s imp
You didn’t cause the mess, you stepped into it trying to do the right thing. The lesson here is to never be the middleman again. Tell the friend to own it or you’re out, and then step back. Since they blocked you, take that as closure. If it helps your conscience, send a short note owning that telling his friend first wasn’t ideal but that you won’t lie for her. Then let it go and protect your peace.
Sounds like you knew your friend for a long time at least since young teens.
Been there too and saw many friends change over the years, some became lying gossipers, others drunks, druggies, a lying thief, and a few got married would then ignore anyone who was single.
Some taught me they weren’t friends for a long time and I was too much a fool for not walking away earlier.
Its normal to grieve the friendship & friend that has past. Remember those times and that person are gone, they won’t ever change back so keep them muted and walk away forever no matter what they might say later on.
Can be hard to ignore them and not say anything about them to others except something neutral like: “Sadly they’ve changed & lets leave it at that.”
There is a paradox you might face as the years go by, but remember its normal to revisit and even enjoy those earlier memories for the fun times you shared together.
If they cheat on their partners imagine what they could do to you
There are good people, and there are bad people, and often they eventually clash over their morals. You did good, be proud
In the future, do not interfere.
In the present, do not feel guilty.
I just can never understand folks who say stay out of it. How are people supposed to find out if someone doesn’t speak out? How are you being your brothers keeper, if you ignore difficult situations? Omitting information from someone who is looking for it is a lie just the same. It’s depressing to think so many of us just let major moral infractions slide because it’s hard, inconvenient or risky to speak up. If you find yourself having to defend not speaking up in these situations or questioning what the right thing is, you already know that speaking up is the right thing to do.
Mixed feelings on this…..while your explanation makes sense do you really want to involve yourself with other people’s relationships. Based on your post, you might range from 18 to 22 yoa since you said going back to school. You said you felt guilty but yet you told your friends boyfriend. The best advice I can give is that you should have probably told your friend what you are doing is wrong but it’s your decision. Ultimately, people like your friend get caught. Someone said in the post. Ultimately, as you get older, you make better friend choices. This is true, but I have seen and experienced situations like you are in backfire with some really negative consequences. While your intentions were noble and good, your friend feels you have betrayed her. I would have stayed out of it, given your friend honest advice, and let the cards fall where they may. Situations like these are always tough and difficult. You made a choice but now have to deal with whatever repercussions positive or negative come with it.
Your “friend” is not a good person. Sounds like cheating is a common thing, she probably also has no problem lying to you as well.
Someone who is a serial cheater like that isn’t a good person. You’ll be much better off without her in your life.
I’m so sorry. She definitely gaslighted and manipulated him. She’s good at doing that! Just know that you did nothing wrong. She got caught and now she’s using her boyfriend to get to you so you’ll be the person to blame for this all because she don’t want to lose the friend group. When you see her, act like she’s a stranger to you and that she do t exist , and make new friends. She’ll hate that because it shows that you moved on from her. Of course she may talk down on you to her boyfriend and her friends to get your attention but that’s because she shirt that you’re ignoring her. That’s what you want to do is ignore her.
It’s quite selfish and disrespectful and immoral to expect another to have to live with a burden secret, for their lack of loyalty or care factor Zero and especially someone who feels the contrary to her choices.
She is probably doing you a massive favor, especially after feeling she had the right to crack the shits. The ordasity expects you to have that way on you! Yeah nahh
You are better off without that “friend.” She is not a good, loyal person. You deserve better than that. She wouldn’t be in this situation if she had been a good, loyal, and trustworthy person in the first place.
You did the right thing fuck cheaters! Lives too short for that crap
I would just stay out of other peoples business
She sounds like a narcissist and you and her bf were only being used to uplift her ego. She is not a good person, she doesn’t deserve a friend like you. The boyfriend will soon learn who was telling the truth but try not to be upset with him, victims of narcissists are so mentally damaged by the narc they honestly do not know what is true and what is not, the way she has made you feel guilty really says it all and that’s exactly how she has played the bf, by her playing little miss victim, the only one who will be getting karma is her, not you. You didn’t do anything wrong here, this was all her doing.
Thanks for exposing a cheater. We all need to expose cheaters.
You did the right thing OP, good on ya.
I weep for the children of this generation.
Finally someone with a moral backbone. This right here shows a high level of maturity.
Doesn’t sound like she’s in any position to talk about karma.
I think the lesson here is, drop them as a friend if you disagree so much with their lifestyle choices that you’d intervene in their life
I might be missing something. Are you saying that her flirting and giving out her number was cheating, or was she intimate with someone?
My advice is this…
Yes you betrayed your friend. You feel guilty because you should feel guilty. At the exact same time, she was betraying him.
You should have told her that what she was doing was against your principles and you don’t want to be friends who behave so poorly. You should have told her that either she tells him or you will. Either way, if her behavior was so terrible that you were somehow just compelled to rat her out (which is bs and just an excuse for what you did),, then good riddance.
(If no real cheating occurred, and this was really just about perceived flirting, it would be easy to see why they’re still together.)