Anyone else having a tough weekend?
I’m almost 43. I lost my mom at 5, dad at 18, my adult son moved 1000 miles away to my home state in 2021, and my partner of 7.5 years’ immediate family had a pre-Mother’s Day dinner with every woman in the family including in-laws, and didn’t think to invite me. Then they posted adorable girl power pics all over the place.
I just feel like I’ve been pretending to be normal for years, but I’ll never really know what it feels like to belong anywhere. All of these holidays just feel like a reminder of that, several times a year. My man said he knows the exclusion thing was probably completely unintentional, but he understands why I’m upset. Now we’re supposed to host everyone tomorrow. We live with two of his brothers, so it just makes sense. But I really just want to hide in my room.
If anyone else is having a tough time, I want to send all my internet mom hugs your way. I think there’s more of us than you know.
Comments
I’m 38 and not a mom but I’m sending big hugs to you. My mom doesn’t like celebrating holidays on the actual day so we aren’t doing anything. My boyfriend lost his mom 3 years ago so tomorrow is a little rough for him.
I’m sorry they excluded you. I’m sure it was accidental but tomorrow they’ll feel like dummies
We aren’t really into holidays anyways (not the card ones atleast) … one could argue every day is Mother’s Day, or valentines or etc it’s the love we have in our heart and how we keep people alive that matter
Girl, it’s Mother’s Day and you’re a mother! You don’t have to “host”. If your husband and his brothers want to entertain their mom and the other women in the family, you can take yourself out to lunch or get your nails done.
You can’t be excluded if you decline the invite.
I’m right there with you…… Mother’s Day can be so bitter sweet! I get loving messages from my son but my daughter doesn’t talk to me (my fault) but then I have to see loving things she does for her mother in law on instagram and my heart just breaks into a million pieces.
Hugs* lost my mom in 2019. Be kind to yourself. We’re all going through something and these days bring it out more than others.
Big hugs. They stink!! Of course you’re upset. I’m sorry about your mom and dad. I lost my dad at 14. Truly the only people who can understand that aching loss of missing out on their love and influence are others who lost parents during their formative years. Happy Mother’s Day 🩷🌸
Hi. I’m 38 and widowed mom to a 3 year old. I was widowed when I was pregnant thanks to a rare cancer and it’s been so hard. I didn’t lose my mother so in some ways I don’t feel like I have a right to be sad, but it’s been so hard and I’m so burnt out and I miss his dad so much. I never thought I’d be doing this alone. He was my best friend and partner for 13 years. It’s hard every year to see partners celebrate each other…I love my son, but I’m so tired and sometimes I just want to be acknowledged too. It’s been so so hard and I’ve wanted to give up so many times. I don’t think I’ve felt happy or joy for the last 7 years.
So sorry to hear OP. I lost my mom at 15 and dad at 23. Holidays vary year to year but I’ve definitely had tough ones. So many people like at work or my gym say things to the group like “don’t forget to call your mom this weekend” and it’s just so tiring how much people don’t think of those in situations like ours.
I agree with the commenter who says that you have no obligation to host tomorrow. I know women face a lot of pressure to host but this is your partner’s family and if you don’t feel up to it then remove yourself. Go to a movie, take a hike, buy yourself something special, whatever. But don’t fake it or host just because the dudes expect you to do the domestic thing. Sending internet hugs.
I also lost my mom at 19 so every Mother’s Day kinda just sucks for me. I just try to treat it like a normal day to do some self care that day. Sending you good vibes and hugs
I know you didn’t ask this, but if you want to do something nice, text any women you know who might be in the same boat and wish them a happy Mother’s Day and tell them you were thinking about them.
There might also be some nursing home or community centers having events you could visit. Many elderly women outlive their kids and partners.
I’d be pretty mad about the girl lunch.
I lost my mum as a little kid too, it sucks. I at least got to keep dad til my late 30s, but it’s still weird being the adultiest adult.
I have always been an independent bugger though.
I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time. I hope tmw feels a little lighter and hopefully you feel the appreciation or love you deserve. Sending hugs your way.
Hi, 38 year old, divorced with an abusive ex and mom to an 18 and 15 year old.
This Mother’s Day will be tough. My 15 year old tried to commit suicide this year, and every day since I’ve felt like a failure that she got to that point. A mother is supposed to keep hers under her wing and have them safe in her nest. She’s on the spectrum and has severe PTSD. I’d love to have a day where she can do school work and brush her teeth. And accepting the reality of my new unlocked fear that any day, she can try to do it again, is a nightmare I didn’t know I’d be living.
Trying to stay grounded for both of them. I cried outside their therapist’s office on the curb, crying out “Why did the universe give these angels to me, I am not the right mom, and I’m failing them! They deserve better and someone needs to tell me what to do. I can do anything and I will do whatever it takes to save them both, I just don’t know what that is.”
Sorry for that, I think I needed to give these dark, fearful thoughts a landing place.
I would go through a drive through car wash over and over, in the pouring rain, before I set through that event tomorrow.
I don’t believe they had a get together and invited the whole family of women, and just forgot you existed. I would conveniently be unavailable for said event tomorrow. If anyone asked, I’d tell them, you can conveniently forget to include me, so I intentionally decided to do my own thing. Go get a pedi and mani. Treat yourself. Enjoy the day and celebrate you. Don’t sit around with folks all day that make you feel less than. You deserve to be celebrated and not feel like you’re invisible and don’t belong. I hope you have the best Mother’s Day, OP! Hugs to you.
Happy mothers day to you mom 💓
Thank you for the internet hugs, sending them right back your way friend 🤗
Not here to dump, but I appreciate your strength in sharing. It’s not good to know others are going through it, but now I don’t feel so alone 💜 thank you.
34 year old mother of two (12 & 10 y/os).
This Mothers Day feels especially hard this year. Just had a cry because I’m going into my 4th year of no contact with my own mother. It’s such a weird kind of grief. I can’t fully empathize with someone who’s mother has passed but at the same time can?
To top the hurt today, I threw the idea and helped my husband coordinate a mother’s day/birthday lunch outing for my MIL today (her birthday falls on Mother’s Day this year). I included SIL, her husband, and infant in the lunch plan, so we had all the moms in one place to celebrate. MIL first thanked her daughter for getting us all together, but SIL made no parts of the plan. MIL then got SIL a mother’s day card but not me (making a big deal about it being SIL first mother’s day). As originally intended, my husband and I paid for MIL.
I didn’t want a card. I dont need the card. But selfishly i wanted just a little something in return for my idea and planning.
All this to say, I hope we all can take our difficult days in stride.
Don’t hide. Do that on your own. Don’t let people that don’t care hurt you. However maybe they just expected you to show up. Why didn’t your partner invite you?