Ive been having this same argument with my parents for a while now and I have no idea what to do anymore. Long story short, l’m 22 and a student and I still live with my parents. I know “their house, their rules” but just to preface, moving out is not an option. My parents have a good relationship with my boyfriend. He has come over my house multiple times and slept over (but on different beds). I asked if I can sleepover his house and I explained its because it is a 25-30 minute drive to his house everytime and sometimes its easier to just sleepover when I know l’m gonna see him again the next day anyways. They are so against it and went ballistic on me for even asking them that question. They tell me the reason why I’m not allowed to sleepover is because they simply just dont like that idea and it will keep them up at night. They also said sex will be inevitable if I am used to sleeping over all the time and they are pretty much against sex before marriage. The thing is they know l’ve been sexually active before in the past. They know I am not a virgin and the deed is already done. I’m thinking maybe they don’t think I’m sexually active again with my current boyfriend, but like cmon theres no way they actually think that deep down. They definitely know deep down that I am sexually active with my boyfriend. I literally spend most of my days at his house and stay the entire day from the minute i wake up to sometimes very late into the night. They dont care how late I come back home from his place, they just dont want me staying over……. I’m so confused as to their logic at this point. I’m trying to think in their shoes, and I’m thinking if I had an adult daughter who I know is probably sexually active already, I would just allow the sleepovers from time to time. I dont know why they are stubborn about it. Also to add on top of this, my boyfriend lowkey pressures me on this. He doesn’t understand why l’m not able to sleepover if my parents know I’m not a virgin and I am sexually active still. He tells me to just explicitly sit them down and say “oh mom and dad I am indeed having sex with my boyfriend already” and see what they think about sleepovers then, but l’m not entirely comfortable with that either. Any thoughts on how I should go about this?
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I would stop asking permission. You’re 22, not 15. I would just tell them you’re going out with some friends and you will be home tomorrow. If they stay up all night worrying, then that’s on them to make up for the lost sleep.
If you’re over at bf’s house all the time anyways, why can’t you just move over there? Even if he lives with his family, if they’re cool with you being over there all the time, they’d most likely be cool with you living there full time.
They believe it is sinful to have sex outside of marriage. It’s irrelevant if you’ve had sex before. Continuing to have sex outside of marriage is willful sin and going against God. To them, it is an extremely big moral and spiritual issue. They can not support their child in anything where she’d purposely engage in sin, so they will likely always disagree with you on this, likely even as you get older and maybe move out.
Even though they know you’ve had sex before, that’s why they’re still so against it, so it’s likely not something you’ll be able to talk them out of.
Why are you asking permission at 22? I went wherever I wanted after graduating high school and was just quiet if I came home late. What would they do if you just stayed out? What if you were both too drunk to get you home safely? What if you want to take a weekend out of town together? I road tripped from MN to OR and back with a bf when I was 22, he was 26.
Don’t do it unless you have a place to go if they throw you out.
Why do you ask permission? You’re an adult. I would just give them the courtesy of letting them know you won’t be home just so they don’t worry you’re lying in a ditch somewhere.
The fact is your parents care about your soul and getting to see you in heaven. You may not believe as they do, but it is very real to them. If you want to see it from their perspective, look at it as they love you and want to be able to see you in heaven for eternity.
Don’t lie as others have suggested. This will lead to further problems down the road. Be honest and upfront with them. Find out what happens if you start making choices they don’t agree with.
If this is such a big deal to you then force it and be ready for the fall out. Otherwise accept the restrictions they have placed on you to be able to live and eat at their house. If you’re not paying for room and board do you want to upset the situation?
It’s a 30 minute drive it’s not that big of a deal. Most Americans drive that or more twice a day.
They think sex only happens at bedtime.
Work on becoming independent and leave!