I really felt for this woman. She was kind, fun to talk to, and quite emotionally intelligent.
I thought she had a string of bad luck with awful exes. They were all narcissists and abusers according to her. Well guess what – now I am one too apparently. What a coincidence!
After months of listening to ‘me me me’ ‘trauma trauma trauma’ excuses for why she can’t do the most basic of human things, I had enough and directly told her some of the issues I’ve been having. Suddenly, this usually sweet girl turns into a feral cat and starts saying things I can’t believe were coming out of her mouth.
She starts putting words into my mouth, and goes on a long rant about her life and struggles without addressing anything I say. Calling her out on this just made things worse.
Now I’m doubting if anything she even said was true.
At least she has a new chapter in her trauma dump novel she reads to everyone that will listen.
I feel so stupid feeling sorry for her.
Comments
Dating someone with mental issues is how you end up with a crazy person trying to stab you, I speak from experience. Stay away from crazy people.
Ah the classic mistake all men make once, dont date girls with excessive trauma especially early in your life, mine wasnt for a couple months but several years and who would have known that she would paint me as the bad guy at the end of things lol. Its okay though get out as fast as you can and use that experience to find someone who’s stable and appreciates the good you do for them, as shitty as the situation is if you allow it to it will strengthen your relationships going forward because you now know how you want to be treated and signs of people taking advantage of you through the lens of love etc.
Don’t feel stupid for having empathy! People who victimize themselves constantly are difficult to spot at first …..I’m glad you’re out now.
Move on.
Learn from this.
Don’t even look back.
I actually made this mistake recently too, in a platonic way. When we got to person/villain number 3, I became suspicious. I realized she was telling very pointed and twisted lies to prevent me from talking to people who would tell me what she is. Hilarious actually.
Remember ‘Pride and Prejudice’ where Wickham scams the Bennet sisters by regaling them with all his misfortunes.
I had this experience with a man lol. When I heard the absurd lies and twisted words he was telling people about me, I was like oh, none of the stories about his crazy exes was true in the slightest was it …
Trauma does not equal this behaviour. This is a person who lacks accountability and self awareness and sounds incapable of introspection. This is not trauma it’s probably BPD which is a much harder to treat mental disorder.
Lesson learned!!!! Her trauma is not your responsibility if it’s too much let her go
When someone doesn’t matter who, talks about how mean everybody is, or all the exes, I don’t waste any minute of my life with them.
Oh man, this was my type for years. Glad you got out while you still have your intelligence!
You’re not stupid, you have empathy.
There was a girl at uni that didn’t have any friends, and because I was bullied myself in school, I thought that this girl who was all alone could use a friend. I was like 18 or 19 at the time. There was a 38 year old mature student in my class and she told me to leave this girl that there was a reason she is alone. I didn’t. I went and invited her to my table. Well… she caused a lot of drama for me for the rest of the year. Looking back, I suppose I felt stupid in the aftermath, and I didn’t handle it all that well being a teenager. But I wasn’t stupid, I just felt for her.
When I was a postgrad at uni, there was a similar girl. I did not approach her. I was much older with a lot more experience of people, but I just didn’t want to risk having to deal with that woman if things kicked off. So, nope. I would say hello to her and that was it.
You live and learn, my friend, but it does not make you stupid. You also shouldn’t feel like you can’t be nice to people. You just have to use what you’ve learned, read the signs and don’t get too involved with folk that seem a bit “off.”
Same with a man. I only started realizing the red flags towards the end
yea i’ve made this mistake too, my ex had video and legal proof if his ex going absolutely insane trashing his apartment and even going so far as to stab him.
i had nothing but empathy towards him and stuck it out for 5 long gruelling years, took an indescribable amount of abuse myself because he had so many sob stories about his family and his prior relationship that i wanted to be there for him and not ‘give up’.
lord help me but at this point i honestly understand why she acted in such a way. not justifying it. but like i can understand. he was the single most frustrating and cruel person i’ve ever met.
i don’t have an answer or a solution. i would absolutely hate for someone to write me off because i have a ‘crazy ex’ but at the same time it really is so so so hard to tell when someone is genuinely a victim or when they’re the aggressor reframing the narrative.
idk, but i am sorry OP, please get out early this behaviour never changes.
If she’s acting like that, very little to nothing at all was true
She was clearly the common denominator and is the one who needs the therapy before she attempts any other relationships.
Yeah, it’s risky associating with anyone who makes their mental health their primary personality trait.
I don’t think many people realize all the issues everyone is having around them. Some more self centered people think everyone else is living an easy, lush life. Meanwhile every problem they have is extreme and individual.
This seems to come to a head in romantic relationships a lot. One person is obsessed about their issues, but they can’t really explain why their partner’s issues shouldn’t get the same respect. So they get angry when they can’t give a logical explanation why all the focus should be on them.
Being selfish, self centered, or narcissisy is not diagnosis anyone wants to admit to, or even let someone test them for.
Yeah man, been there with my first relationship when I was like 23 and naive. I thought, this girl has been through so much, I’m going to be the one to break the cycle and treat her right. Wound up being the next in a line of abusive boyfriends she probably told her next man about. Some people just can’t help but create situations where they’re being victimized.