Tried to be rough the first time with a girl.

r/

I (F) recently had my first experience with a girl and to say it went great. We had fun and I felt like it was right and I didn’t feel guilty about anything. When we were being intimate I slapped her, and choked her. This was our first time hanging out in person and I had previously talked about this and that I kind of had a desire to do it. She honestley has told me a couple times I could do whatever I wanted. So fast forward to us doing it I got the urge to grab her neck and kind of slap her face, she seemed fine with it. Fast forward to the next day we’re doing the same thing, and there was this one time I did hit her harder than the others. She recently told me she didn’t know how to feel about that one time I did it. We recently got into an argument and she said “you feel the need to slap me during sex.” This has really made me spiral and I feel horrible and I don’t know if I’m a bad person. She said it was okay and I told her I wouldn’t do it again, because to be honest I felt quite embarrassed and I do feel guilty. I don’t know why I did that or wanted to but something kind of just got into me and I was in the moment. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know if I’m a pos.

Comments

  1. cure-4-pain Avatar

    Not a pos. You are just discovering your boundaries.

  2. Apprehensive_Bug_826 Avatar

    If she tells you that you can anything you want and doesn’t set any boundaries then it’s not really your fault when you suddenly cross one.

    She sounds like she might be a bit inexperienced with this sort of thing. So, no, you’re not a pos, you two are just discovering your limits. As long as you keep communicating and respecting those limits when you find them, it’s fine.

  3. d_lk_t_by_vwl_pls Avatar

    > She honestley has told me a couple times I could do whatever I wanted.

    As a long time kinkster this is a huge red flag.

    It says, in big red letters, “this person doesn’t know what they want, or they don’t know how to communicate it.”

    Proceed with extreme caution.

  4. vrryRXXRE Avatar

    It wasn’t okay for her to use that against you like that, but it does make it a good time to have a candid conversation with her. I would let her know how it made you felt, but also apologize if any experience you’ve together has been less than enjoyable for her. You haven’t done anything wrong, but acknowledging a lack of a mutual great experience is a kind thing to do.

    I would have a conversation about what her ideal experience in bed is. Allow her to think about it, it sounds like maybe no one has asked her before and she’s used to going along with things. She doesn’t need to answer right away but maybe within a few days. Maybe somewhere down the line if you continue to do this stuff, you can find a way to include stuff you both enjoy and find a happy medium.

    I’d definitely lay off of the rough stuff until she can give you a definitive answer on how she feels about it. Proceed with enthusiastic consent only. These are just stepping stones for good communication.

  5. Key_Ad1854 Avatar

    Idgaf what anyone says is ok… I’m out on that rough shit.

    No matter what what said.

    You’d fail a lie detector and if you had to testify. You’re fcked.

    Its not worth prison.

  6. Agile_Active7566 Avatar

    YOU ARENT A POS! she just doesn’t know what she wants kink-wise (clearly). my boyfriend (consensually) slaps me across the face in the bedroom regularly, and if that’s not for her, she should’ve just told you so! you’re not a bad person!