pretty much the title text. i went into an very traumatic emergency general anesthesia c-section 2 months early with our first child. my husband called his parents distraught and my MIL (& FIL) showed up to the hospital and demanded to see my baby while i was strapped down to a hospital bed getting medication to counteract my organs shutting down. then they were upset that they weren’t allowed to go into the nicu. i hadn’t even seen her.
just another bullet on the list with them to be honest and my husband doesn’t stand up to them. i’m at a loss and feel so betrayed.
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Bless your heart. That sounds traumatic af. I would say it could be a both problem. Them for invading your boundaries and demanding to see the baby and him for not being able to put his foot down about it. Have you had a conversation with your husband about it?
It’s always a spouse issue. Your husband is the one who committed to be with you, protect you, honor you. He’s the one that needs to do those things even, especially, towards his relatives. Until he puts you first and foremost, you won’t have any success with his parents respecting your marriage.
Congrats on the little one!
You have a husband problem.
i’m so sorry to hear about your traumatic experience, i also went through a very similar birth but i also had 0 anesthesia and blacked out from shock once i heard “babies out” my husband stayed by our nicu bound daughter as i also- was strapped down to a table being administered medication because my uterus was bleeding out. i woke up intubated and my parents crying, my husband already cities away with our also dying baby girl.
his mom ALSO made my experience about herself, she was mad he didn’t call her “the moment she was born” and she felt she was “the last to know” my own grandparents didn’t know anything until 2 weeks after the event when we were finally being discharged from the nicu, as we literally couldn’t communicate with the outside world because we were still in the throws of the initial trauma and not sure if our daughter would survive.
my MIL literally yelled at us about this two weeks ago as i am pregnant yet again and having a c section (by my own choice so as to avoid emergency again) and she says i have to give vaginal birth because “it’s magical”
you know what would be magical you getting your fucking teeth knocked in.
Next time ask her if she has ever picked her teeth up with broken fingers? When she blurts out “What?!” Just shrug and say, “It’s just a question”
Your MIL’s actions are utterly disgusting. She prioritized her own desires over your life-threatening situation and your baby’s fragile health. Your husband needs to step up and set boundaries with his parents, or you might need to reevaluate your relationship dynamics.
Classic MIL move: “My needs > your trauma.” No empathy, just entitlement.
Husband’s silence is its own betrayal, but not surprising. You’re the one living the nightmare; don’t waste energy on their circus.
Protect your peace. They’re toxic guests in your story, not main characters.
You have a husband problem.
In my marriage I win. That’s it. There’s no contest. There’s no compromise and there’s no negotiation. If it’s me or them I win. Or I walk. My rule from day 1.
He and I can talk if we don’t agree. But they never know we don’t agree. As far they’re concerned he’s on my side. Always.
We’ve been no contact for a decade. His decision.
First of all, don’t ever get pregnant by this man again. Tell him why.
Since you tagged this as MIL or SO problem – I really try to put myself in his position, and it’s so hard to even imagine. Like if my partner was dying, and I called my parents distraught, they would rush to be there for me. They would be concerned for my partner, for my child. But the only actions they would do, could do at that point is be there for me. Like standing by me, holding my hand, saying they will do anything I need. They would not ask for things. They would not be upset when they did not get things they wanted. It would be so off the radar. So to put myself in your husband’s shoes, I can’t imagine being in that emotional state, and my parents suddenly demanding things of me. It wouldn’t be my shiniest spine moment. I would probably just be totally lost. Like “What? You want to visit the baby? What? Okay. I’m waiting to hear from the doctor about OP. What? I don’t know what is happening. You think someone should be with baby? Okay. I need to be with OP. Okay. Okay. I’m just going to stay here with OP.” Literally no further thoughts in my brain.
But you seem to describe this as a historic problem. That they behave like this often, and your husband never stands up to them. So at that point, the fact that he is calling untrustworthy people when you are at your most vulnerable – that makes him the problem. Perhaps he is also their victim. But he is the one bringing them into your lives and making them YOUR problem. Even when you are bleeding out on a table, he still is letting them hurt you.
It sounds like therapy for him and counseling for you both is in order. Because I would need change for this marriage to continue.
I am so sorry you went through this. I hope you and LO are recovering well ❤️
You absolutely have a MIL problem. Moving forward, as harshly as it sounds, don’t ignore the pit in your stomach telling you they don’t give a f*%^ about you when dealing with them. That’s your intuition protecting you. Try not to let it/them consume your mind, even though it’s hard. Truly how dare they be so selfish and cruel.
It is worth having a long discussion with you partner about the events that happened during and post birth. He might have been in too much shock/so scared he didn’t even notice what his parents were up to. I hope this is true and it helps you heal to hear it. As for your in-laws…… they are not a safe space for you and there for your child. Any contact with them now exclusively goes through your husband. If it ever comes up tell them “you didn’t stop to think about me in my most vulnerable time, why would I think about you now or ever again?” If they want a relationship with you again they should beg.
If you needed people to be there for you at the moment. Why did your husband think to call his parents and not someone who would be there demanding to see you. Not the baby? I am so sorry you got treated like a candy wrapper. It’s so rude of them to hear you are dying and see it as an opportunity to see baby.