I’m a single woman in my 30s, and I’ve been making a real effort to go outside more — to socialize, try new things, meet people, and just focus on myself and my own growth. You know, really leaning into self-discovery and building a full life on my own terms.
But sometimes, I find myself getting unexpectedly triggered — especially when I see couples everywhere. Like, I’ll be out enjoying a nice day, minding my business, trying to live fully, and then BAM — the sight of couples being affectionate, or even just existing happily together, just hits something in me.
It’s frustrating because I’m not trying to be bitter or envious. I want to focus on myself and my own journey, but sometimes these emotional reactions creep in and throw me off. It feels like being constantly reminded of something I want but don’t have yet.
Does anyone else experience this? How do you handle it when the world around you seems to constantly highlight your singleness — even when you’re doing your best to thrive solo?
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Yes, I struggle with this too! Believe it or not, grocery stores can be really triggering for me because I feel like the only single person there among couples and young families with their small children. I’ve actually tried to start doing my shopping at weird hours for this reason.
I try to remind myself that you really don’t know how happy people are behind the scenes. There are many people staying in relationships they aren’t happy in and I just remember that I’m grateful that it isn’t me.
Your perception is skewed. There are more non couples than couples outside at any time.
I do but not necessarily by just seeing couples, though I hate being in spaces there is more of them than other single people ie supermarket
Its more when I’m speaking to another woman and she drops the “my partner….” into the conversation as I’m just disappointed that we likely won’t gel from that point. I’d like to make some friends and it’s just a non starter with partnered women who are absolutely everywhere where I live.
Yes I totally feel this. Like a pang of jealousy but i’m not a jealous person! I usually journal, feel sorry for myself and accept the way I feel rather than fight it
I experience this as well. It hurts like hell. I just accepted that I’m human and it’s a valid and normal response. Would love to see the other replies if there is anything I can do to make the pain a bit less.
……. Oh brother 🤦🏾♀️
The first thing you should do is sit with your emotions and be okay with how you’re feeling. Different people experience different negative emotions, and yours is probably jealousy (Even if you don’t want to experience it).
Once you sit with it, and tell yourself it’s okay to feel that way, that’s when it will pass slowly, and let you focus on the other stuff and get back to feeling good.
Yeah this happens to me sometimes, too. I’m pretty newly free of an abusive relationship and before that I got divorced so I really, really enjoy being single. But especially sometimes when I’ll see old couples who are clearly still in love, I start getting sad about dying alone 😂 I don’t really know how to manage this other than acknowledge how I feel and move on. It’s weird because I start seeing people “feel bad” for me being a single mom or whatever, but I don’t usually feel bad for myself. I’m happier alone than with the wrong person. But society kinda makes the ultimate goal to be paired up so I suppose we’re in for a lot of this. Solidarity ❤️
Maybe when I was more focused on thinking that a relationship was in the cards for me. Now that I’m in a place where it isn’t, I don’t. But I feel for you.
I think the notion that you have to “thrive solo” is doing the bulk of the damage here.
Love is the strongest both psychological and biological human emotion. it’s very natural thing to want.
Paradoxically I think this sub makes certain women feel worse about being single.
Somebody said in this thread you don’t know what’s goes behind the scenes with couples very true. You also don’t know what goes behind the scenes with the woman who tells you how amazing single life is.
Girl, remind yourself of all the crap relationships you know about. when it turns to shit, and given the stats on relationships these days, it generally does, be thankful you’re not dealing with that.
It’s okay to have these feelings. Feel them in the moment then let them pass. They might come back again but repeat the process. Take it in and let it out. I had this feeling for awhile after a long relationship ended pretty harshly…I worked sales at the time and it got so bad for me I wouldn’t work with couples and would sometimes leave work. It gets better, just keep focusing on yourself.
My singleness is not the world’s problem. The world doesn’t exist to provide me with a comforting algorithm of other single people to make me feel better.
Romance is also a beautiful thing. When I see couples out and about there is a part of me that goes “I wish I had that” but my main reaction is “ah, good for them!” I think if you teach yourself to appreciate the love others are experiencing around you, it’ll make it easier to live a more confident life as a single woman.
Look, I’ll probably get downvoted to shit for this, but as someone who is single by choice- I guarantee you half those “happy couples” you see are absolutely miserable and gagging for some alone time.
Do I think that of all couples, absolutely not. But I think a lot of single not-by-choice people romanticise relationships too much and forget just how much hard work they are.
This is not to say we should make up mean narratives about couples. That’s not where I’m coming from here. I just think it can be useful to remember “couple” doesn’t mean “happy.” And it certainly doesn’t mean “superior.”
I’m in a very new long distance something or other, and it really sinks in how alone I am. He’s not here, so I’m alone, but I’m not alone? It’s not a great feeling sometimes, but this person seems like someone that I want in a person. Time will tell I guess.
Yes it’s very natural and you are not alone. Just remember behind closed doors it’s not all fun and games
Yes. Yes. Multiple times yes.
Woman in her thirties here. Married. Lol. My husband would never hold hands or do those small gestures like I see some men do, just the way they look at their wives, girlfriends. I saw one cleaning the bench for her to sit. Just everything everything. I once joked to him that I’m jealous of these people and his reaction was “maybe they’re a new couple”.
You can have that too if you want it. When I was single, I would say, I can’t wait to be like that. Awwww, how cute, I’m up next.
I’m married and I experience this. Seeing couples show romantic affection in a normal, healthy way is enough to bring me to tears.
Life is hard.
You’re definitely not alone in feeling that way it’s a real and valid emotional response. You’re out here doing the work, focusing on growth, but those moments can still sting, especially when they reflect something deeply yearned for. It’s not bitterness, it’s being human
You’re human, you’ll never be perfectly content with being single. That’s normal and it’s okay. I think the key is to stop denying that you really want a relationship (or rejecting the desire) and instead, accept that want. Accept it and learn to remind yourself that it’s okay to want a partner and also not be ready for one at the same time.
I feel this frequently and then I remember that I’m working to become a better partner for my future spouse. I’ll find one some day when I’m ready.
Edit: This might sound delulu but sometimes when I’m feeling extra down, I imagine I’m talking to my future partner and say things like “I’m waiting for you dumbass, you’re taking your sweet time”. Idk, it gives me a little giggle even if it sounds weird and helps renew my strength a little.
I relate to this a lot as a single woman and often get annoyed when people mention SOs on threads when it’s not even relevant.
Dating is really hard nowadays. People in relationships don’t understand how hard it is to actually meet people.
The worst it hit was when I finished my first half marathon and seeing couples embrace celebrating their partners achievements.
I’m not single anymore but I understand since I occasionally felt triggered by couples like this when I was living in NYC (go to Central Park on a spring day and it’s couples EVERYWHERE). My advice to you is to join a hobby or a group that is primarily single people or very independent people who are coupled. Mine was a running group consisting of mostly single people. We’d run together, socialize afterwards while eating something delicious or sometimes just wout the running altogether once you make friends within the group. It helped take your mind off noticing these couples everywhere and also meant you could have fun just living your life.
As someone who is a super star at repressing feelings, I’ve learned you just have to feel the feeling and let it pass.
FWIW you’re not alone. I AM happy in my life, but sometimes I see my friends and their partners and it makes me wistful, or strangers being cute makes my heart hurt a little. But then I remind myself that it’s just proof that love exists and is out there and one day that could be for me.
Sometimes I also remind myself of the reality of having someone in my space, requiring time and mental energy and I’m glad I’m going home to my book and my couch.
I’m right there with ya lol. It’s been tough lately and I’ve noticed that leaving my apartment really triggers my sadness, so I’ve been staying in a lot. I do want to meet someone though, so I’ve been forcing myself to get out and do stuff even if I do get sad. It’s normal and understandable and I keep having to remind myself that there’s nothing wrong with me being lonely and feeling sad. They eventually pass.
I like to call emotionally charged moments my chaotic gremlins. There’s the grouchy chaos gremlin who wants to argue and complain about everything. There’s the venting gremlin who spirals into a one-man podcast about how stupid people are. There’s the reckless one who wants to ignore responsibilities and just play or procrastinate. And my sad, cowering gremlin — she sits in the corner thinking about painful stuff and hiding away, making herself even sadder.
So I personified them. I gave these emotional states form. I crystallized them into the small, vulnerable, fuzzy little gremlins they are. Each has a name. A little doodle. A cute face. They’re all small, soft, snuggle-worthy.
Because I’ve learned that while my emotions are a part of me, they are apart from me. And instead of punishing, mocking, or suppressing these tender balls of I-cry, I learned to take care of them.
I give them cookies, swaddle them in fuzzy blankets. Distract them, redirect them as the fuzzy toddler who needs a nap and hug. These gremlins — these feelings — are the vulnerable aspects of myself. They never go away but I change how I respond to them.
And I choose to treat them with compassion, love, and yes, maturity. Because while these gremlins can feel their feelings, I’m the adult in the room. I get the final say. For the most part these ego-triggered emotions, just need to hear: I see you. It’s okay. Mama’s here, lil one, you’re okay.
That’s how I see emotional mastery, a wisdom that I work towards holding onto day by day. Not as suppression, but as partnership. Not rejection, but relationship.
I hope this helps you feel less alone in those “petty” moments. Your emotions are real. They just need to be loved, not feared.
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Some people are unhinged towards OP on this thread. Best proof that you don’t have to be a kind empathetic person to be coupled 😂
I gotta be honest. There’s no relationship in my surroundings that I’d trade for my solitude.
They all have their difficulties, imbalances and compromises to deal with. And there is not one person that has proven to be worth that additional stress.
I think this is human. I desperately want to be a mom and it’s not happening for me (for various reasons that also preclude adoption at the moment). I live in a neighborhood with young families, I feel a jolt whenever I see parents out with their kids. I know raising kids is not always rainbows all the time, but I want the challenging bits, too! And it turns into rage against the universe.
Practicing gratitude, like intentionally noting the things I’m grateful for has helped make the feeling less extreme, but the yearning will always be there.
You’re misusing the word trigger.
You’re upset by couples. You’re not triggered.
A trigger sets off a behavioral health event, like a flashback or panic attack.
You being lonely and sad and upset seeing other people being happy and in love is not “triggering” you.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s normal. Human beings are social creatures and we crave love and acceptance and when it’s absent, it hurts.
However, you’re doing the right thing. You stepping out into the world, engaging it on your own terms. You aware of how you feel and it’s totally ok to feel that way.
But don’t let it hold you back! You seem motived to be more and do more and someone at sone point will want to share in your greatness.
On day at a time. That’s the only way to take it. And don’t worry, your time will absolutely come too.
Whatever you do, don’t settle. Make sure it’s perfect because you deserve it.
Chiming in to say no I can’t relate because I was in an toxic relationship for 10 years and I’m finally free. Being single is my peace and I look at couples and wonder which ones look good on the surface but are killing them just like mine was.
Coupledom isn’t always the answer. Self love and sufficiency and positive relationships, including platonic relationships is extremely fulfilling.