So I (26F) have been feeling really disturbed and confused about something that happened recently, and I’m torn on whether or not to tell my boyfriend.
The other day, I spent time at my boyfriend’s house helping his dad (68M) with errands and organizing things. His mom passed away about a month ago, and he’s been trying to sort through the house and get things back in order. He asked if I could help out while my boyfriend was at work, and I said yes. I genuinely wanted to be helpful and show I care not just for my boyfriend but for his family too.
At first, everything was normal. His dad mentioned that I reminded him a lot of his late wife in terms of personality, which I honestly took as a sweet compliment. But then things took a turn. He said I reminded him of her physically, too and then he asked me if I’d shower with him and that we could “keep it between us.”
I was completely stunned. I laughed awkwardly and said no because I was uncomfortable and honestly didn’t know how else to react in the moment. I kept trying to convince myself he was joking, but the way he said it he wasn’t.
Now I’m sitting with this awful feeling, unsure of what to do. I want to tell my boyfriend because I don’t think this is okay, but I’m scared of starting drama or causing problems between him and his grieving father.
Has anyone dealt with something like this? Am I overreacting, or should I say something?
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: So I (26F) have been feeling really disturbed and confused about something that happened recently, and I’m torn on whether or not to tell my boyfriend.
The other day, I spent time at my boyfriend’s house helping his dad (68M) with errands and organizing things. His mom passed away about a month ago, and he’s been trying to sort through the house and get things back in order. He asked if I could help out while my boyfriend was at work, and I said yes. I genuinely wanted to be helpful and show I care not just for my boyfriend but for his family too.
At first, everything was normal. His dad mentioned that I reminded him a lot of his late wife in terms of personality, which I honestly took as a sweet compliment. But then things took a turn. He said I reminded him of her physically, too and then he asked me if I’d shower with him and that we could “keep it between us.”
I was completely stunned. I laughed awkwardly and said no because I was uncomfortable and honestly didn’t know how else to react in the moment. I kept trying to convince myself he was joking, but the way he said it he wasn’t.
Now I’m sitting with this awful feeling, unsure of what to do. I want to tell my boyfriend because I don’t think this is okay, but I’m scared of starting drama or causing problems between him and his grieving father.
Has anyone dealt with something like this? Am I overreacting, or should I say something?
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I would definitely tell your bf. Imagine the dad brings it up later to your bf (to apologize) and then your bf wonders why you didn’t tell him first. Frame it as worry and that you think he only asked due to grief, if you must. Ultimately, you need to let your bf make his own choices. Lying by admission like this is still controlling him.
I remember this post from a year or two ago
How is this a question.
Tell your BF. His dad should have some guilt and may try to throw you under the bus
🤮🤮🤮the more I think about this the more repulsive it is.
He’s grieving and grief can make people do weird things. However, the request to shower together is oddly specific!
Avoid being alone with him. And yes, I’d tell your bf.
Tell him his dad is unstable, confused and saying inappropriate things first. Then tell him about the shower. The old man is likely just a creep, but if it’s dementia-related, his son might be better able to recognize it.
Tell your boyfriend. Good grief.
Frame it like this to your bf. “Honey, I was helping your dad today and I said how hot and dusty it was. He said, let’s shower together like we used to. I think his grief is messing him up and he thought I was your mom. He needs grief counselling.”
You need to tell him RIGHT AWAY OMG WTFFFFFF that was so inappropriate!!! And what if he decides he has to clear his conscience & tells your bf before you do?!?!?!? That will most likely end things because WTF, why didn’t you tell him?!?!! Unfortunately, you’re stuck between a rock & a hard place, but you’ve done nothing wrong!!!!! He did!!! But you need to tell your bf NOW, you don’t keep that from someone!!!!!
Tell your bf immediately, be upset and crying … because frankly that should’ve frightened you.
And tell your bf you will NEVER EVER be a left alone in the same room as his dad .
Your bf’s reaction to your disclosure will tell you all you need to know if you should stay with him.
Tell BF immediately. Don’t ever be alone with this man.
Definitely tell your bf. Frame it as being worried about his state of mind. Grief? Dementia? Let him know it made you really uncomfortable, and you don’t want to be alone with him again, ever
Girl, tell your bf!!! You did nothing wrong so why are you hiding and being all fearful like you did?
Tell your boyfriend right away. His dad is a pervert and everyone deserves to be aware.
He is counting on you to be quiet.
And it worked.
Personally, I would tell everyone.
Well, bf first.
He tried something. He will get more bold, because he wasn’t called out.
Why do you feel the need to tattle? What will it benefit? The man is a grieving widower. People say weird off the cuff remarks sometimes. You said no and it appears that he dropped it. If he continued to press the issue or make moves that would be different. But one comment doesn’t warrant running your mouth and causing potential family drama.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1dd14ng/boyfriends_dad_keeps_hitting_on_me/
Tell your boyfriend. If this is the first time he’s ever said or done something so out of line, it may be his grief talking. If not, yeah, just gross.
I would tell my BF.
I had to tell a man about his father sexually assaulting me and as soon as I told him he said oh, man he did this again? So apparently he already knew, you never know your dad may as well
Huh???
Tell your boyfriend immediately
I’ve noticed that often when older men suddenly become inappropriate that before long I learn that they’ve been diagnosed with dementia. Maybe it’s an early symptom.
But it does creep you out big time.
Definitely tell his son.
Downvoted for copying content.
Say something about it please!!! Cause it’s NOT okay and can turn very ugly very quickly if not approached. My mom’s abusive bf tried the same shit and I couldn’t be more livid than that moment cause my fiance was away for a week as well. Please tell your bf and if he doesn’t believe you then leave cause personally wouldn’t want anything worse happening
Read this before. Why are you passing this off as your own when this story was someone else’s. You already got called out. Down voted.