So yeah cancer boohoo, yada yada yada. Docs are giving me a few months tops. I’ve been letting my family and friends know, I think the most brutal shockingly hasn’t been my parents. It was actually my bros, three in particular who are like my family truly. I just pulled a Walter White and said, “I’ve got cancer. It’s bad.” They were just so silent and one asked how bad and I told him I was gonna die soon. They were heartbroken. So heartbroken, I think more than me actually. I saw two of them fry for the first time ever. The third I think was just too shocked to even react. He was just quiet the whole night. Not ignoring or anything like that but just more quiet and reserved than usual.
I’m gonna miss them. A lot. I’m gonna miss a lot of things. I had a big road trip planned for august. Probably can’t do that now. I was gonna go grad school at my dream school. Nope. I was finally getting over a terrible break up. Worthless. That’s something else, the last time I spoke to my ex she told me she never really loved me. Crazy huh. 3 years and she never loved me. I mean I know it’s true but fuck me. I’m gonna die never knowing what it’s like to be loved by a woman. I’m gonna die having her be only person that I was ever intimate with, her being the only person that knows all my secrets, the only person I ever planned a future with. I’m gonna die with all that going to a person that never even loved me.
I’ll never had kids. Let alone grandkids. I’ll never feel that love that my parents swear up and down is the most amazing feeling in earth. I won’t ever look into someone’s eyes and see how deeply they love me. My fantasies of being a man my wife and my kids can look up to and feel protected by and never have to want for anything from, that’ll never happen. I have so much love, I’m such a softy, a romantic, and that’ll never go anywhere. No one will ever get that. Not ever. I’ll never see someone who can receive that and maybe give me a little of the same. Not ever. I gave and gave and gave so much in my last relationship and never got back what I needed, and now I’ll never heal from that. Not fully. Because times up.
How’s that fair? How’s any of this fair. It isn’t and I’m not gonna complain about it. But I’m gonna go out on my goddamn terms.
Idk how yet. But I’m going to. I’m gonna get my affairs in order the best I can, maybe buy a hooker or something idk, maybe try and blow all my money, (I don’t have a lot) think I’m gonna buy a big gift for everyone I know, and I’m gonna end it. THE WAY I WANT TO. I don’t wanna be rotting away in a cancer ward when I was planning on swimming in Lake Michigan. I don’t wanna be vomiting from chemo when I should be on the highway with all the windows rolled down listening to my favorite music. I don’t wanna be moving into hospice when I should be moving to my new apartment with my roommates I met through FB that I haven’t even told about the cancer because I feel too guilty about making them find a new roommate. I don’t wanna go out this way. I wanna go out on top. I wanna have a few crazy weeks and then boom done. Blaze of glory kinda thing I guess. Idk I feel like I’m insane rn, I have crazy adrenaline ever since I realized that this is what I want. Maybe I’ll come down tomorrow and realize I wanna cling to life for as long as possible. But I hope not.
Comments
This is so very unfair. I know you’re not looking for sympathy. I hope you can find moments of joy in the time you have.
I’ve always been a proponent of terminal cases doing whatever the fuck feels necessary. You’re dying—who’s to tell you, of all people, how to live the rest of your life?
So fuck it. You wanna go out in style? Splurge on a lady of the night, or two, or three. Buy your friends some crazy ass gifts, or even better yet do some crazy ass shit with them and leave them with memories they’ll never forget.
When the night falls and the curtain closes, you’ll want to feel satisfied with the time you had. You may not get to do everything, but goddamnit you’ll at least have gotten to do some things that were surely worthwhile.
The chemo might work and put your cancer in remission giving you another 30-40 years of life. Don’t Give Up!
“It is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy death in place of a slow and horrible one” – Charlotte Perkins Gilman.
You have credit cards? Go crazy
I’m really sorry this is happening.
It doesn’t really matter, but she was lying. She probably wanted to hurt you , that’s how you know that you actually have been loved by a woman. I’m sorry that you are going through this.
So sorry it pretty much what I have always said. I get it. I agree with moments together with friends instead of a gift. Lots of pics and videos and screwing around. Do another weekend with the online friends and have a great time with them. Maybe make a video for parents/siblings they can watch at certain times. Maybe but Christmas gifts have them all wrapped and hidden with ornaments and a video telling them what they meant to you. I wish you the best life you can have in a short time. Many don’t have the warning. Cancer is a bitch.
Have as much fun doing whatever you want as long as it doesn’t hurt others. This goes for if you are dying or not. You are one of the lucky ones. This world is a dumpsterfire of shit and you get to exit it for a much better place instead of suffering. Love, a 2x cancer survivor.
I’m really sorry mate. I’ll pour one out for you, I hope you are able to find some happiness before the end.
I am so sorry but please don’t give up my SIL had stage 4 colon cancer told her she would not make it and is now in remission miracles happen 🫶
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My uncle was on his deathbed from cancer about 25 years ago. The family came from all over to say goodbye. He’s still alive. This might not be what will happen to you but it could be a reason to try. Don’t let a woman’s rejection get you so down you don’t want to try.
If it’s truly hopeless, that’s a reason to make peace with your death if you want. After all my dad did die of cancer at 30, so it does happen. But I urge you not to just give up because you’re feeling down. Breakups heal.
I wish you a peaceful life or a peaceful death whichever way things will go.
No words, just some warm hugs your way. 🫂🫂
I’m so sorry. I’m a cancer survivor, and cancer sucks.
If I were in your situation and didn’t have assets to pass along, I’d open as many credit cards as I could and max out every single one.
I’m a big believer in living the way we want and dying the way we want. If you do choose to access treatment I hope it goes better than anyone could have expected. Outlier cases happen all the time but no matter what you should not feel guilty for whichever way you decide to take it
Well shit. That’s a fucking bummer, dude.
You seem like someone I’d get on with.
FWIW Maybe your ex didn’t love you. Maybe she did. People say stupid things during break ups.
But I think the whole point of all this is to care about as much as possible, to our fullest extent. And while you deserved to be loved, it’s pretty cool that you loved. I think that’s a win.
And FWIW 2 I’d take your most level headed bro with you to a doctors appointment (maybe a second opinion) to see what your options might be. The whole “how long” thing is always a guess, so maybe another one might give you more options. Apologies if this is annoying or you’ve already done it, but on the off chance …
Now, rack up a ton of debt and go somewhere you always wanted to go like – a week from now. Take a friend or five. Life is always too short.
First do what you want, since you only have a certain amount of time…Anything. I am so sorry this has happened. My thoughts are with you tonight.
I am so sorry to hear your diagnosis. Please don’t focus on the past and focus on you loving someone with all of your heart, this counts for everything even though it may not have been reciprocated.
Live each day as your last. Do the things you want to do and focus on only each day.
Sending you all my love and best wishes xxx
I’m gonna be honest – life’s a shit show, and you’re actually lucky. Death isn’t the end it’s the beginning to a reality that isn’t fuckin slavery oh and by the way from a stranger in the internet fuck your ex maybe she rot like a motherfucker with that I hope you get super fat and eat all the shit you want oh and do a bunch of drugs – all the fun ones also technically you’re free
I think you’re doing the right thing. I watched my grandpa die of cancer and it sucked so bad. If you can have a death party or something with euthanasia before it gets *super* bad, I think that’s the way to go. But I do hope you can fight it. Good luck dude
Make a list of everything you’d want to do, then figure out how many of them you could do in the same place and could therefore do in quick succession. Then just go for it. Credit card companies will right off debt in the case of terminal illness ( I did this for my mother).
Did you get another opinion? What kind do you have?
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Fight man. Fight the sorrow and the pain. Don’t go quietly. I don’t mean the cancer – I’m sure the doctors will give you a prognosis, and use that to your advantage. Do the things that you wanted while you can. Fuck all of this, there is no reason to not. I hope you can live out your time with some happiness.
I totally get it. Sorry about the diagnosis
You sound like you have some awesome bros. That’s something to celebrate right there. I wish you the best OP.
Hay man, don’t count yourself out entirely. They told my Dad had 6 months at the very outside. He lasted for 3 and half more years and wasn’t truly sick until the last week before he passed away.
He travelled the world in that time and did a whole lot of things he’d always wanted to do. Maybe you’ll get the chance to do the same.
I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. Don’t wear yourself out being everyone elses support network. They can deal with their own stuff whilst you deal with yours.
I worked for a few years with terminal cancer patients, remember that terminal cancer does not always mean that you will die in a few months, I have a patient with myeloma who was given a few months and she has been alive for years traveling, living her marriage, making the best of it all.
Do the road trip now!!!!
I think you’ve got the right approach to this in many ways re: living fully for your remaining days/months. But I’ve lost one friend to cancer and two to suicide. If you’re determined to go out on your own terms, plan a going away party and don’t sugarcoat what it is. I’m sure people will understand if they’re surprised by news that you’ve chosen suicide, but the opportunity for closure, for celebration, and for a final memory of happiness and joy is going to be worth so much to everyone that cares about you.
All that said, make the next few months about you. Scratch off bucket list items. Move up that road trip if you can. If you’ve got about 100 days to live a lifetime, make every last as memorable as you can.
Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. I hope they’re wrong—if not about the diagnosis, about the outcome, or even the timing. My beloved older brother was given a similar diagnosis and, while it was correct, the prognosis (prediction about timing) was way, way off, and he got a handful of years during which he felt good before he died.
Do what you can to make the time you have left as meaningful as you can. It’s what we all should do!
And yes—when it’s too much to bear? Your exit should be managed the way YOU see fit.
A million hugs to you.
I’m in a similar situation. It took too long to find out what I have. I’m going to die in less than a year. I don’t know what to do. My family want me to stay in my teenage bedroom watching Netflix until I die because if I go outside I could catch the flu and die even sooner. Every time I want to do something everyone is scare that it will kill me.
Hey man I’m sorry you’re going through this. My gf just underwent a big surgery and was speaking to a woman in pre op who was given a year. That was 5 years ago. Please don’t give up. I will pray for you.
I always imagined this is the attitude I would have if I got a fatal diagnosis. Go out the way you want. As a reminder there are right to die states, see here (https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/right-to-die-states). Just mentioning that here in case it might be helpful.
Sending you all the good vibes.
I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say, nothing will make this better. But I wanted to offer you a place to stay in outback Australia if you want to travel overseas.
I wish you well, and I’m sorry this is your reality.
Genuinely so moved by this. I wish for you ALL YOUR WISHES, best of luck!! 🧡
I saw my mom go through it, I know what I would do before cancer won, I wouldn’t have lived on just to be miserable and in pain. Your plan is the better one.
it’s a beautiful thing to have bros they way you have them, life isn’t fair tho, I’m sorry you’re going through this
I’ve heard really positive things about having a living funeral. Like what’s the fun in having everyone that you care about getting together to say nice things about you, if you’re not there to revel in your life’s work??? I know it’s a bit morbid to have a death celebration, but I think if I was to have the knowledge of my impending demise that having all my most treasured friends and family together to share their love and affection for me would be a very special gift that might help me to find some sort of sense of meaningfulness out of my existence.
The saddest part is that there might be a cure for cancer but our capitalist world is hiding it
I haven’t been in this situation, but I’ve seen it many times. I agree that having fun and crossing off some bucket list stuff and then ending it is the right way. That’s how I would do it too.
I have seen too many people moaning in pain in bed, being depressed and alone in a dark room their last few months, the light leaving their eyes. An absolutely brutal way to go out. I don’t know the least painful way to go out but I hope you figure it out. I think either Switzerland or Sweden does assisted suicides, if that’s something you wanna look into. I hope the time you have left is the best time anyone ever had🩷
Side note – I’m sure your ex did love you, ‘I never loved you’ is just something bitter people say.
Sort of off-topic but how did you find out?
Well, I believe in reincarnation, you die, you can LIVE again if you feel like you were cheated out of a life. When your soul leaves your body you have choices; 1) GO TO THE LIGHT, 🕯️ meet up with your ancestors and angels, you can decide to come back in a new body/life. You can stay in light and become a spirit guide for other living people. 2) if you’re in a state of anger or fear when you cross, don’t get stuck here "ghost"… Go to the light. 3) if you’re open minded, when you cross, you can See the light, Turn Around and say, "I want to go home"… You will escape this endless Incarnation cycle on Earth, and return to the Universe… (I’m choosing option 3). Good luck, may you find peace with your choice and your death , painless 🫂☄️
Hey don’t just give up man, the wife of one of the pastors at my church had stage 4 breast cancer and was basically told to go home and die and was given 3 months. That was 9 years ago and she’s cancer free now
I think that’s how I’d go out, too. I don’t know what’s on the other side of the veil, but I wish you a good journey and peace at your destination.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Life is not always what we even remotely think it will be.
After working in vehicular homicide for 11 years, at the end of the day, none of us really knows when our time will come.
We had a case where a person tried to commit suicide by hitting another vehicle. You guessed it, they killed the other family in the car they hit instead of themselves. It was heartbreaking for all involved for many reasons.
If you have life insurance, check if there’s an accelerated death benefit. Then you can take out the money now and make arrangements or whatever. (Note: if you take it out now, it does take from whatever you’d be leaving to beneficiaries.)
Cancer sucks but doesn’t mean your end had to. Have a fun time OP! Sending you virtual hugs!
Hey buddy, I don’t have a lot but I do have love. And I’m sending some of mine your way. I’m sorry for what you’re facing and I can’t fucking imagine it but you’ve got my love.
I don’t blame you
A co-worker of mine was the nicest dude. He had worked a median pay job for 40ish years plus a couple side jobs. No kids, had a few long term girlfriends but it was well known he had a substantial amount of money from no real living expenses.
Out of no where he stopped showing up to work. A guy who would drive in a blizzard just stopped coming in. Disappeared from social media. Boom gone in a trace but kept in active touch with his family so those not immediately around him knew he was around.
Fast forward five months family stopped hearing from him for a week, wellness check found he had committed suicide in his house (details don’t matter). He has done all of the necessary paperwork to leave his physical assets to nieces and nephews. This dude had stage four brain cancer and was given 6 months to live. Dawg when I say this mother fucker lived a lifetime in those six months I mean A LIFETIME. took all his saved money traveled everywhere, smashed everything with a pulse, gambled, Boujie restaurants..everything. All came to light as he left a note that detailed everything. Rest in peace Tony!
Brother – life is incredibly unfair. But if you’re going out on your own terms, fuck it. Live it up. ❤️
I am so sorry man. For now enjoy your time with friends and family doing what you love. Accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior. Don’t want to sound religious here but why not? We’ll never know what’s at the end of the tunnel. If it’s not real then there’s no harm but what if it’s true? You know what I mean? Have a good life!
Take out the max allowed for a high interest cash loan and see what you want to see!
My grandma had ovarian cancer that honest to god. One day just disappeared. So don’t lose faith. We have all the medical records documented and the doctors couldn’t believe that it just disappeared.
She then lived until 85 and the cancer never returned.
hey dude, i work in hospice. first of all, life has dealt you a shitty hand. but these days, hospice isn’t a depressing ward you move into, they come to you, on your terms. there’s gotta be a middle ground between “wasting away” and blowing your brains out. live without inhibitions, but i hope you decide against ending your life.
I don’t want to spend the last few years of my life as an old person, losing my thinking power, ability to move, with no kids or reliable relatives.
Don’t give up! Fight as hard as you can.
Why aren’t you doing everything you want to do now. Screw working and paying for stuff. If it’s only a few months go for vacations. Go get laid. Go do what you wanna do when you wanna do it with the people you love most. If you only have a few months left let them be the best months of your life.
Do not give up mate, I have a feeling reading this that the one calling it quits early is going to be the cancer, you are gonna beat that son of a bitch. I am with you and I will pray for you, have all the fun you want to, but don’t give up.
Idk you but I think about this particular situation alot tbh….try and take a macro amount of mushrooms 🍄 and a ton of weed it helps….good journey if u need a real stranger friend im here
I respect this decision and I would probably make it myself in your situation.. Personally I would spend all my money on plane tickets and go on a real crazy trip somewhere I always wanted to go. BTW your family is not obligated to pay off your credit cards if you don’t have a big inheritance.
Damn. All I can say is i’m sorry. I hope you get to live your life to the fullest. I lowkey want to save your post and check up on you every now and then, making sure you are living the best. i hope you answer every time for yearssss to come.
The man that dies with the most debt wins. Go big homie. You’re in a good situation to fuck some credit card companies. Let them have it. And we will all see you on the other side.
I’m crying and trying to find the words, but there really aren’t any. I’m so sorry. Keep your hope and joy close, you’ll get your chance to do everything you dreamed of in the next life.